Bond: Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)

Gathered together from the cosmic reaches of the universe, here in this great screening room with comfortable recliners, are the most powerful forces of good ever assembled. Keith.

A good condom commercial starring James Bond, I think, would be great.

Terry. I'm gonna have to have sex with 5 different people while I'm on a mission. Guys, come on. I have to. Like, they're watching me. Derek.

They go out to sea for what? They hunting tuna? What are we doing here? And the power twins, Zap and Jordan, with their magical lemur snort dedicated Welcome back to Fumbling Their Way Through Movies, one forgotten gem at a time. This week we watch Pierce Brosnan versus cable news in Tomorrow Never Dies. This is Fumbling Through Film.

How much do you know about Elliot Carver, 007?

Worldwide media baron, able to topple governments with a single broadcast. Carver owns that newspaper Tomorrow.

I didn't want to discuss it in front of the minister, but that mysterious signal came from one of Carver's satellites. PM would have my head if he knew you're investigating him. I'm sending you Welcome to Hamburg, 007. We've arranged for you to be invited tonight to a party at Carver's media center.

They're celebrating the launch of a new satellite because now he has the ability to reach every human being on the Earth.

Except the Chinese, who've refused broadcast rights. James, your ticket, cover story, and rental car reservation. Sign here, please. I believe you once had a relationship with Carver's wife, Paris.

That was a long time ago, M. Before she was married. I didn't realize it was public knowledge.

Queen and country, James. Your job is to find out whether Carver or someone in his organization sent that ship off course and why. Use your relationship with Mrs. Carver if necessary.

I doubt if she'll remember me.

Remind her, then pump her for information. You'll just have to decide how much pumping is needed, James.

Hello and welcome to another one-of-a-kind, genre-defining, brand A new episode of Fumbling Through Film, the only show that dares to bring together 3 dudes to talk about movies. These aren't just any movies though.

Exactly.

I always do that little pregnant pause there waiting for someone to chime in with some sort of smartassery.

Hey.

These are the movies we've either missed overlooked, or feel are simply worth revisiting.

Yep. Sounds like any movie.

Sounds— Keith, I gotta agree with you. That sounds like any movie.

Sounds can be deceiving.

Sounds can be deceiving.

It is only coming through one headphone for me, so maybe it is. I'm, I'm off on something.

Maybe that could be it. Well, I'm gonna speak loud enough for everybody to understand. That's any movie, Keith. It is.

You're right.

Okay.

I don't know.

I think, I think in the other one I heard a faint whisper.

You—

well, if you're hearing something through a broken headphone, Keith, it's calls coming from in the house, I think.

Yeah.

Our mysterious 4th guest, Keith's imaginary friend.

Yeah, just—

That's not a guest, it's been here all the time.

On The Flintstones, who was that little, uh, green alien guy that said—

Who?

Who?

Kazoo.

Great Gazoo.

Oh, the Great Gazoo. He's got the Great Gazoo in his ear.

They're like, uh, Horton Hears a Who, the little, uh, flower people.

Oh, Who!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Keith's got little— Keith's got Whos in his ear. He's also got the Great Gazoo on his shoulder.

Yeah, I got— I went to the doctor this weekend to get a prescription for that.

For the Great Gazoo or the Whos?

For the Whos.

Oh, the Whos are probably more easily treatable than a gazoo.

Yeah, you gotta like drop ear drops in there every 6 hours or something like that.

Yeah, just drown them.

Yeah, then you just listen to them die.

Just once though, and then you're good. It's like Noah. It's like Noah when he's flying, he's soaring the ocean, and then he hears all the screaming outside.

It would just— the horrors of listening to a whole village of Whos dying inside your ear. It would just— it would haunt me. Anyway, my name is Derek and I'm a fumbler.

Yeah, it would haunt.

That who, murderer? Yeah, joining me here in the Fumbledome, our reclaimed planetarium that we turned into a screening room, is the one and only Prime Minister of Fumbling and Film, Keith.

Hey, what's up, KG? Fumbler extraordinaire. Yeah, that's it, man. That's it.

That's it.

He's not going to speak on his crimes?

Interesting.

You know. No, I just, I think I'm excelling at that enough that there's no reason for me to add anything else in.

Okay.

Okay. It's a good thing because that the attorney for the Who estate is here and he would be pressing charges. It's also known as Dr. Dre of Kansas, Terry.

That's right. I'm here to deliver.

He's the lawyer for those.

I've been hired by those. So I've convinced them that I know human culture and law best. And I'm going to take, uh, I'm going to take you to court, Keith, for the, uh, to the full extent of the Whovian law.

Wrongful death.

It's something from Doctor Who, wasn't it? Dr. Seuss.

Yeah, true. Seussian law, Whovian law, it's all the same.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, they actually—

you may as well watch The Cat in the Hat.

I don't think you get to be in this wibbly wobbly, timey wimey sort of thing.

So, uh, you better watch what you say. I'm gonna be writing down everything, Keith. Yeah, that's—

I think you've done that once before.

What, represented the Whos?

No, I think you've done that thing once before where you've been writing down everything I'm saying since the— because you're gonna use it against me at some point.

Oh, well, I guess possible. Yeah, I do that to many people, so yeah, it's hard to keep track.

Well, you know what else we've done once before and we should do again?

This podcast?

This podcast. And so, and what I need to do now is tell people if they made it this far, if they got through what just happened and they're here like, what am I listening to? Let me clue you in. Every month we— what, every episode We watch movies, but not just any movie. Every month, one of us chooses a theme, a genre, a guiding light, some sort of satellite signal that broadcasts to the globe. And we respond to that by picking movies that adhere to that satellite broadcast.

Yeah, except in this case, the lighthouse type thing and the broadcasting really puts you like in the wrong, in the wrong place. It takes you someplace you're really not actually at, but makes you believe you're there.

Yes.

Oh, I see. Yes. Like a submarine or a boat on the international waters.

Yeah.

Oh, gotcha. But like, is Keith making a reference to the movie we watched?

I know.

I was thinking about it too. I was like, oh yeah, right. Anyway.

Every month one of us chooses a theme, and this month was the Keith theme.

Keith month.

So Keith, tell us what you chose.

I went with a classic this month, James Bond movies.

James Bond movies. There's a catalog of at least like half a century worth of movies, maybe even more. Just lots of movies. One of the most beloved Western characters of all time.

Yeah, he'll never die.

That's a fair thing to say, right? I'd say beloved Western civil— Western literature's greatest character.

I don't know, it's— he just keep— he keeps coming back like no matter what. It's always a big deal whenever there's a new James Bond.

He come back. That Broccoli estate is making that Bond cash.

Broccoli, he's rolling in the dough. Rest in peace.

Rest RIP Broccoli. Anyway, so Keith, what'd you think?

Every time I eat dinner, it's probably all right, Broccoli. Yeah. Sorry, broccoli. That's insensitive of me.

Keith, what was your first selection?

I'm just picturing Terry, you know, just doing like the little, like, you know, puts his fingers to his lips, little, and points to the sky, then eats his broccoli.

Little sky point before the broccoli.

Sure.

Uh, I went with the, uh, George Lazenby Bond and On Her Majesty's Secret Service.

On Her Majesty's Secret Service. And then that means this week Is a Terry week.

Yes.

Terry, what did you choose?

Here, I'll just start over. I picked Tomorrow Never Dies because I've always been curious about it.

And I might edit— I might go right to that spot right there, Terry, and cut out all the last 5 minutes and no one will ever know. You guys won't remember anyway.

No, I will forget. Yeah.

Oh, I'll definitely forget. I forgot about something else that I'm not even going to bring up again here because I don't want it stuck in my head again.

Thank goodness. Well, before we talk about our viewing of Tomorrow Never Dies, and before— or before we even do a deep dive in Tomorrow Never Dies, did any of us have any previous knowledge, history, or experience with Tomorrow Never Dies?

No, nothing. Um, I know that it came out around the same time as The World's Not Enough, but You know, within a did you even play the video game of this one, Terry? I never even played the video game. I feel like there probably was one that existed, and I'm sure I played other video games of a similar series. But yeah, not this, not this one. Yeah, no, no, I knew nothing about this movie.

I mean, I saw this one in theaters, maybe with my dad, but possibly. I mean, I've seen a ton of these movies in the theater with him. Also, it was referenced in. Uh, our, uh, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon episode.

Oh yeah, all right, that is true. I'm gonna tell you what, prior to about 2 hours ago, I could have swore I never saw this movie before, but the moment it started and I said, it has Teri Hatcher in it, I'm pretty sure I saw this one, but I don't— it was all new to me. I feel like I saw this movie at one point. I didn't think I did, but then when the credits started, I'm like, I did see this movie. But then watching it, I'm like, I don't know if I ever saw this movie because nothing was familiar.

Yeah, see, and I don't know if that's a plus or a negative for— like you were saying, like, this Bond is like, you know, one of, you know, Western world's like biggest heroes, most beloved characters. Yeah, that's a lot of characters, but like I, again, and I mentioned this before, I don't know the difference between any of these. And you could sit here and watch and be like, oh yeah, I remember Teri Hatcher was in this. What else happens? I have no idea.

Yeah, couldn't tell you.

Uh, who was the Bond? Who was the Bond girl? Maybe who did the theme song or what the theme song even was.

Who's the Bond girl in this one? Yeah, we'll figure it out later. Oh, before we figure that out, Keith, we need to relax because Terry's going to take us closer to Tomorrow Never Dies than we could have ever imagined we could possibly get.

And another big imagination.

Oh God. In another patent-pending Fumbler's Deep Dive.

So this movie was directed by Roger Spottiswoode. Okay, he's got a strange last— no, it's a fine last name. It's not strange, it's just hard to say. Um, Sorry, Roger, for listening. He is a director who's done a variety of projects. Notably for us, he directed the original Terror Train.

Oh my God!

Come on! The original Terror Train, which starred Jamie Lee Curtis.

What are what are the odds of that? Kerry, this was an accident and you that happened?

No, can you believe it? This is crazy. This is of course a slasher movie set on a train during their prom. Yeah, we watched the Tubi remake of it.

Yes, we did. The Tubi original remake.

Strong contender for best Tubi original we watched as well.

Strong contender.

Strong contender, I'd say.

Strongest.

Those are strong words.

Strongest. Strong and strong words.

Yes. All right, well, uh, he's also done a couple of, uh, recognizable buddy cop movies. One is Turner and Hooch.

Uh-huh.

Tom Hanks stars in this with a dog and they work together.

Yes, he does.

They hunt down a killer of some kind.

Is that what happens in that movie? I've never seen it.

I have never seen it. I only know the poster.

Yeah, I know the— I know there's a dog and Tom Hanks. That's about all I know. The Lost Boy. It's like a Saint Bernard, isn't it?

Something like that. Yeah.

It's like a big slobbery dog.

I think it's, it's, uh, I think he's a Mastiff.

Oh, maybe.

Like Scooby-Doo? Scooby-Doo's a Mastiff.

No, Scooby-Doo's a Great Dane.

Oh, you're right.

Roro indeed. Roro.

Ray Raggy.

Look out, Tom Hanks, there's a killer on the loose.

Soinks. Soinks. That's like super crazy Scoob.

Uber, right?

It's like uber creepy Scoob.

There we go. Well, that's pretty good. Yeah. Um, anyways, the other one that they directed was, um, Stop or my mom will shoot.

Oh no! This is like this was one of the worst movies ever.

Yes, it's got Sylvester Stallone in it.

Spaghetti?

Yes.

Yeah, he plays a cop and his mom comes to visit and starts to kind of encroach on his job. Becomes very needy and kind of like just appears in the worst times. A guy's trying to jump off of a building. Sylvester Stone's trying to stop him from killing himself. Then the mom shows up on the speaker. Somehow she gets the speaker and is yelling up there, and it's. It's a whole mess, uh, but somehow she becomes witness to a murder, and so they have to collaborate on this, uh, murder case.

Yes.

Uh, yeah, I've heard it's really bad.

Um, it's just terrible.

Yeah, I've never seen it.

The story, I guess, goes is that it was offered to Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Yeah.

He read the script and said, this is horrible. Uh, they then, uh, offered it to Stallone, and he called Arnold Schwarzenegger asking him if he had been offered the role. And Arnold's like, oh, it's a great project. You should really do it. And so he like kind of tricked Stallone into doing it.

Ah, yes, yes, lie. You should do it. Stop.

Your mom will shoot. Yes. Arnold would, I think, feel like be a better fit for that movie. But yeah, he got tricked into it, I guess. Apparently, that's how the story goes. That's how the story goes.

So stop or my mom will shoot. So there was a few years ago, I read like a shit ton of screenplay writing books, and one of them is called Save the Cat, which is like one of this, one of this most beloved but also most mocked.

Yes.

Screenplay, whatever. Anyway, the guy who wrote the original Save the Cat has only sold like a few screenplays or had a few screenplays produced. And one of them is Stop or My Mom Will Shoot.

Really? He wrote that and he wrote a book on screenwriting that everyone knows?

Yes.

Wow.

Having a screenwriting formula and writing good movies are not mutually inclusive. Like, it's just because those who can't do often teach, right? So yeah.

Exactly, exactly. Like, and it still can be an informative book. Just because he wrote a horrible film. Yeah. You know, like Roger Ebert, you know, he was a very great, notable film critic, but when he wrote his movies—

He made a movie and it was not well received. And I'm gonna be real honest, that's 100%— or I don't know if it's 100%, it's a lot more movies than I've ever written and produced.

Yeah, I'd be happy.

I'm not mad at it. It's just one of those things that if people will be like, oh, that guy, Stop Her, My Mom Will Shoot guy. Yeah.

That's sweet. I mean, like, I'd be so happy even if it was a horrible film. I gotta— I wrote a movie that Sylvester Stallone starred in.

Yeah, no shit.

Yeah, by the way, that writer, whether the movie's good or not, got paid.

Yeah, true, true.

And I think that's always his argument.

Yeah, and it's always nice. Uh, I feel like writers aren't as— for like movies at least, they're not— you know, people always think directors, they always think actors, but the writer, a lot can change from script to screen.

Exactly. You can write an amazing screenplay and have a shit Shitty movie come out, and I bet it was amazing before. I bet you well, somebody bought it and they made it.

It was amazing when when it was set up for Arnold, and then Sly probably did a bunch of rewrites.

I honestly think Arnold would have made it really good.

I agree to that.

Yeah, Sly was used to writing scripts and was like, ah, let's punch this up.

Yeah, it was his touch that ruined it.

Yeah.

Oh well. Speaking of writers, this movie was written by Bruce Feirstein. So he's written a lot of James Bond movies and video games.

Wow.

He wrote GoldenEye.

Mm-hmm.

The World Is Not Enough.

Mm-hmm.

So James Bond 007: Everything or Nothing, that's a video game. From Russia with Love, the video game as well. James Bond 007: Bloodstone, that's another video game. GoldenEye 007, video game. Um, and 007 Legends.

Oh, Legends.

Yeah, that's that's one where like all the bonds come together.

Yes, basically form a form of giant mecha bond.

Bondtron.

No, Bondtron sounds like Bond Bond Bondtron.

I don't know how it works.

My name's Tron James Tron.

Volbon sounds pretty.

Volbon yeah. Volbon. Volbon Tron.

Double seven Legends is like he like it takes place like in his he's having flashbacks to all his moments. And so it's like you're getting a greatest hits of all the movies in that, in that one. In between all this Bond stuff that he's been working on, he was also credited on a movie called Nice Guys Sleep Alone.

Bond is not— Bond is not a nice guy.

I say that is like the antithesis of Bond.

Yes, yes. Uh, he, he is credited as book, so I guess here his credit on the movie is book.

Okay.

I guess he wrote the book the movie's based on. I don't know. Uh, maybe he was in the writing credits, so, and he was just given book and then someone wrote the screenplay. So this movie is about a guy. He's having bad luck in the dating scene. He's not any fun. He's not finding anybody who wants to be in a serious relationship with him. And then of course he starts to notice it's that stereotype that, oh, the rude dudes always get all the guys.

The rude dudes do get all the girls.

Yep. And so he's like, I'm gonna try that. Uh, but on contrast, there's a woman in the movie who's tired of the rude dudes, the toxic people.

How can you not be tired of rude dudes?

Yeah, I'm like, this sounds perfectly great. Yeah, she wants to date a nice person. Um, and then they speak, they like meet each other, they fall in love, but he's like trying to be the rude dude even though that's not his natural state, and she doesn't like rude dudes. So it's just a little— it's this dynamic that's just—

What if they have attitudes?

Oh, what if they have catitude? No. Oh, or attitude. Too much attitude. I don't want to date anybody with catitude.

No attitude.

Maybe, maybe attitude. Yeah, trailer wasn't that great. Uh, nope. But the ending of the trailer was interesting, uh, and shocking because it was about— there's the ending shows 2 horses about to have sex.

That was weird.

Okay, now I'm back in.

Back in.

If you want me to watch a movie, have 2 horses get it on.

The last scene of your trailer has to have that. People will come running to the screen.

Yeah, I mean, like, I want to see it happen.

Yeah, how does it even work? Who knows? Yeah, I thought that was a weird way to end the trailer. I agree. So this movie stars Pierce Brosnan as Bond, James Bond. He was the star in 4 James Bond movies. GoldenEye, Tomorrow Never Dies, The World Is Not Enough, which I played the video game for quite a bit as a kid. So, and he also did Die Another Day. Uh, so yeah, 4 James Bond movies, pretty good. Better than the last guy, that's for sure. He was in the Stephen King adaptation Lawnmower Man.

Oh boy, I remember that one.

Pretty bad movie. Um, he was in Mars Attacks!, The World's End. Okay. Mamma Mia, here we go again. Isn't that Black Bag? That was pretty recent. That's a pretty good movie too. Pretty good spy movie. I really like Black Bag. Most notably, he was in Black Adam.

Yeah, most notably. Yes, he played Doctor Fate in one of the coolest DC characters on the face of the earth.

Yes, exactly. This is the movie that changed the hierarchy of power in DC films forever.

It essentially killed the Snyderverse.

Yes, it changed it, but not in the way that you expected because they finally destroyed everything.

It changed in a way I expected to have happen eventually.

Yeah, yeah. I was like, I'm surprised it hasn't already happened.

Yeah, exactly. It took this long?

Jesus.

I mean, the only real bad part about that is he's actually good as Doctor Fate.

Yeah, that's the huge problem.

And he'll never be linked back into it again.

He was great as Doctor Fate, and I would love it if they brought him back. If Doctor Fate ever shows back up, they should just cast him again because he did such a good job.

Might as well. Yeah.

Nobody will care. It's fine. But yeah, this was the last Snyderverse film, and then James Gunn took over. Um, I saw it in theaters. Not impressed.

Did you really, Terry? I'm sorry.

Black Adam? I saw it in theaters.

Yeah.

Oh, Keith, I'm sorry.

I really like, like, Shazam, Black Adam, those characters. I like them.

Uh-huh.

And I was like, well, maybe this will be good. No, it wasn't. The Rock is Black Adam. Um, And he was constantly hyping up this movie, constantly. Yes, he's like Black Adam, Superman, they're gonna fight. Like, okay, uh, and it's gonna change the whole, like, shift the universe. Black Adam's gonna be a main character in this DC blah blah blah blah blah blah. He just kept going on about this. It was kind of getting sickening how often he would talk about this movie.

Agreed.

It's not like the worst thing ever, but it's not good.

It's not good.

No, just as kind of a generic Superhero thing, and but it's just so disappointing because it's hyped up the way it's been hyped up is that it's not going to be that right. And guess what it is? Generic superhero thing. They make it sound like he you know Black Adam he's typically a villain anti hero at best. Like he's kind of a bad guy. So it's like wow they're gonna make a movie about this. Could be dark. Turns out he's just like a yeah he he goes through the stereotypical arc of like oh oh I'm not so bad. I'll be good guy. Anyways yeah Pierce Brosnan was probably the highlight of that movie. I really liked him. Jonathan Pryce, he played Elliot Carver, the villain. So he's got a pretty long career as well. He was in the original Village of the Damned from 1976. He was in a movie called Ronin, which we've talked about, stars Robert De Niro.

Mm-hmm.

We already mentioned we have not talked about that movie specifically as an episode. He was in a few of those Pirates of the Caribbean movies. He was in G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra. The Two Popes. That was a big hit back in the 19s. 2019, that's when it came out. Um, he was in a movie called—

The 19s? Like the 365 days that comprise 2019?

Yes, the 19s. Um, so, uh, he was in a movie called The Ghost and the Whale where he played Whale.

He played the titular whale?

He played Whale. So that's why I clicked on it, because I was like, well, that's weird. Um, like, is this animated? No, it's not. Um, I'm not exactly sure what it means. Uh, it's a very serious crime thriller, at least it looks like. Um, a reporter, he's gone up to Bodega Bay to investigate this disappearance. Uh, there's a man and his wife, you know, they seem like they're in a loving relationship. They go out to sea, but only the man returns. Hmm, mysterious.

Go out to sea for what? They hunting tuna? What are you doing here?

I don't know, for a leisure cruise, I think, or something. Oh yeah, it's never really solved about what What happened to the wife? And the reporter's like, "I'm gonna get to the bottom of this." Okay. The man, of course, claims he doesn't really know what happened.

How could he not know he was there?

Yeah, that's kind of strange, I guess. And nobody wants to talk about in the town because they're all scared.

Weird.

Probably because he's known as the whale.

See, that's what's interesting. I'm waiting to see in this trailer: Is anyone's name whale in this? Because why is this? Why? Who is he playing whale? But right at the end of the trailer, a CGI whale appears and starts talking.

What?

I think that's who Whale is. He's a CGI whale.

What?

It speaks to the man and it says, I can help you remember, but we'll have to take— but he wants him to take a plunge into the water with him.

Okay.

It's very strange.

Sounds amazing.

It's so mysterious, like this whale just Trying to lure him into the water.

Sounds like that Japanese movie, The Eel or whatever, right?

The Eel.

Yeah.

The guy has an eel that he talks to or whatever.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Weird. This sounds more like the whale's like, come on out this way, and he's gonna put him in a van.

Yeah, that's what it sounded like to me too. He's like, all you gotta do is jump in the water. He's like a siren song, you know? He's like trying to lure him out there.

And like, look, come get in my van over here. But you're a whale. Don't worry about it.

I don't know if I trust that or not, but I mean, if a whale starts speaking to me, I feel like I'd listen.

What's weird is whales are known for their songs too.

Yeah, like, how can you resist just hearing that beautiful melody? What?

I'm coming, whale.

You want me to what? Plunge into the water with you? Okay. You're not gonna swallow me, right? Okay, I'm trusting you, whale. You've convinced me. That's a great argument. I'm going in. Yeah. God damn it. Just eats me immediately.

Yeah. Nom nom nom.

Whales.

In the most cartoonish way as well. And whales, like, it's— I imagine it's a whale with like the baleen. So it like, it's like sifting you through like it's like giant slats. They usually collect krill, but yes, yes.

There's a book I read where a guy gets swallowed by a whale, but it's like accurate to anatomy.

Yeah.

And it was like really gross.

Sounds gross.

What was that called? Whalefall. That's a really good book.

Whalefall.

Yes. He gets swallowed by a whale and he gets like, yeah, that's gross, but it was good. Well, I saw one other movie I wanna talk about with this guy because it was kind of James Bond.

More than Ghost in the Whale?

I know. I was like, surely that's enough. But then I saw this. Uh, so this is James Bond inspired. It's called Freddy as FR-07.

Freddy as FR-07? That's not what we're talking about, is it?

That's what the movie's called.

I was really worried you're gonna say Freddy got fingered.

No, no, it's Freddy as FR-07. Um, so this is about a French prince Who is turned into a frog, and then he's recruited by the British Secret Intelligence to help solve a mystery of missing.

Oh my God! Is this like the Keith pigeon movie with the this pigeon?

The spy pigeon? Yeah, kind of. Yeah.

You mean spies in disguise?

That one.

Oh yes.

Yeah.

I called it your movie too.

This sounds like a Keith movie.

You know what the worst part is? At first I was like, no, that's owls, not pigeons. And I was like, oh, the goddamn owl movie.

I won't say it by name.

What?

It will be edited out.

Bleep it. Uh, so this is French. This movie's about a French prince who's turned into a frog, and he's recruited by the British secret intelligence to help solve a mystery. Buildings are going missing throughout England, so that's a pretty big mystery. So he got turned into a frog many, many years ago as a child, and he's frog-sized. But as he gets older, he becomes man-sized.

A man-sized frog?

A man-sized frog.

Okay.

So to me, I'm like, why would you recruit a man-sized frog to be in the secret intelligence agency?

Why wouldn't you recruit a man-sized frog?

When you could get this frog.

Oh, you're really—

yeah, think of all the perks of this immediately recognizable frog man who's running around England trying to solve mysteries. Um, like, it would make sense to me if he was a small frog, you know? It's like, oh, he could sneak around. It's a man-sized frog and he could talk.

Yeah, well, I mean, there's lots of benefits to being a talking frog, especially one that's man-sized. That's true.

Well, you know what, speaking of benefits, he does—

You get your own TV network after a while. WB.

He does have magical power, so that's helpful. In the trailer I watched, he shoots beams out of his eyes. Why?

He's already a man-sized frog. What does he need to shoot beams out of his eyes for?

Well, to turn people's guns into butterflies. So I feel like that is useful if you're a spy. I would love that power. I mean, I would like to imagine that maybe he's got frog-like abilities that would help him, but, uh, yeah, I, I don't know. This movie was strange, but I had to mention it because obviously it's a ripoff of James Bond.

Yeah, obviously.

It's such a big ripoff. Uh, it's basically if James Bond was a frog. Could you imagine if they— you know how that movie with the monkey where they like, uh, it was like a singer's, uh, autobiography or whatever, a biography movie, biopic?

Uh, yeah, the Robbie Williams one, uh, Better Man.

But they replaced him with a monkey. If they just like made a James Bond movie totally the same, like, and just replaced with the CGI frog instead.

It's like, what was that, um, Secret Agent Cody Banks, which is if we had Jace Bond but replaced him with Malcolm in the Middle.

It's pretty similar. Yeah, that's true.

Just the same, same idea.

Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna start working on my script for this frog thing, but that'll be cool. I'll be— I'll make a gritty remake of Freddy as FR-07.

Gritty remake. Nice.

Nice.

I—

yeah, I'd watch it.

It's gonna be really dark.

Yeah, he's gonna eat a lot of flies.

Dark frog.

Yep, dark frog with his laser vision. Um, so last person I'll talk about is Michelle Yeoh. Uh, she played Wei Lin. She's been around for a long time, done a lot of cool stuff. Um, I feel like she's had a kind of a big resurgence lately. Um, Everything Everywhere All at Once, I think, was the star of that. It was a really good movie. Everybody was really into it. It won Oscars, I believe, too. Um, She was really good in it. She's also been in those Wicked movies that have been coming out, Wicked 1 and Wicked for Good. Uh, I've not seen those. Um, she was in The Haunting of Venice, uh, which is that— what's that guy's name? Poirot? Yep, the detective guy.

Uh, the Agatha Christie, uh, Sherlock Holmes dude.

Yeah, I don't know that one. That sounds cool. All right.

Yep, yep, they look kind of cool. Remember the trailers? Uh, she was in Transformers: Rise of the Beasts. Minions: Rise of Gru. A lot of Rise films.

Yeah.

Um, we talked about Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon already. She was in that. Uh, she was also in The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, the very last of the Brendan Fraser Mummy films. Jet Li is the villain in that, and Michelle Yeoh is like kind of the advisor to Brendan Fraser's character.

I never saw any of those Mummy movies.

Really? You haven't even seen the first one?

Nope.

First one's pretty good.

I've ridden the ride at Universal Studios.

Oh yeah, you're pretty well set then.

But yeah, she helps Brendan Fraser summon some undead warriors to help fight Jet Li in the trailer.

As you would.

Yeah, pretty cool. She was in Super Cop 1 and 2. She teams up with Jackie Chan, stops some drug dealers. I heard those are good. I've not seen them. So when I was reading about these, I learned that— I guess I've always assumed that she was like trained in the martial arts and stuff, but she's actually just a trained dancer and has used that as her like kicking off point to do these martial arts movies, which makes sense. You know, you kind of learn a lot of the same moves and stuff. Sure. Or like movements and stuff. So I thought that was kind of cool. Um, and according to the trivia on IMDb, uh, during the fight scene of this movie in the bike shop, uh, the producers had to call Jackie Chan's stunt team because none of the stunt people on set wanted to fight her in that because she was used to doing full contact stunt fighting.

Hmm.

So they didn't wanna actually get like kicked in the face. But Jackie Chan's stunt team was willing to do that.

Yeah.

That's right. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, that was kind of cool. Uh, and then one last thing, another fun fact about the film before we wrap this up. Sir Anthony Hopkins was set to star as Elliot Carver in this film, which would have been awesome, but which would make it instantly more interesting.

Yes.

Yes. But, uh, he left after 3 days because the set was too chaotic and there was no completed script yet.

So he actually was on set for 3 days. For 3 days. Oh, what could have been. Oh, goddamn it, Terry, that was so Close.

Yep, we got, we got closer than I ever imagined, and then we got even closer after that.

So we skimmed the surface of the ocean, which is Tomorrow Never Dies. I had to look over to the left, look at the DVD cover to remember what the title was.

Little whale standing over there trying to lure us even deeper. I'm not going in there.

Don't listen to the whale, Terry.

He really wants me to. And don't— and not, not a whale or the whale, Brendan Fraser's, uh, character. Don't listen to either of them. They're trying— they're both trying to get me out there. Don't do it.

Don't do it. I think the ghost— see, the Ghost and the Whale, there's so many. I was thinking the Ghost in the Shell, uh, Ghost Dog, uh—

Oh yeah.

What was the— what was the lion one? Uh, the Ghost in the Darkness.

Yes, yes, with the killer lions.

So it could be all of those in a Terry style of verses.

I would love that.

The ghost versus the dog versus the ghost and the whale versus the ghost in the darkness.

Yeah, Ghostface shows up versus Goatface.

Oh yeah, or Goatface.

Goatface is there too just for fun. Um, the ghost—

oh, I know who this Goatface character is.

He's the new character.

It's the same, it's the same mask as the Scream mask, but it's a goat.

It's just a goat.

Scream's my OG. He's my original character. I'm adding Goatface.

The Ghostface killer.

The, the ghost that helps do pottery in that one movie.

Patrick Swayze.

Yeah, he's there now.

But now I'm like, let's just replace Ghost and all these with goat instead.

Yeah, that'd be awesome. Like some lions fighting Ghostface and then goat faces trying to stab Patrick Swayze.

Goatface just has it in for Patrick Swayze.

He hates Patrick Swayze. Yeah, son of a bitch. Our original character, he just hates Patrick Swayze with a passion and he wants to kill him.

Well, because Goatface— here's his origin story— he was originally going to be in Dirty Dancing.

Oh, of course.

But he was on set for 3 days and the script wasn't finished.

Yeah, so he quit, but he really wanted to be in it.

But then it became a huge hit and that made him crazy with jealousy and rage.

Yeah. And so Goatface—

He became Goatface.

Is now facing off against Ghost, the character Patrick Swayze played in a fictional universe with Whoopi Goldberg. So maybe he's leaping from Patrick Swayze world to world to like kill them.

His Roadhouse, uh, what's—

now that's where, that's where it falls apart though. He's not beating, uh, he's not beating Dalton in Roadhouse.

Point Break. Yeah, yeah, Roadhouse Patrick Swayze is too much for anybody.

Yeah, that's the final boss.

Goddamn it, Goatface.

He hates Patrick Swayze.

He hates him so much.

You get in the room with him, within 5 minutes I guarantee he brings up Patrick Swayze.

Yeah, quit inviting him to these parties, guys.

He's just gonna talk about Swayze again. Yeah.

Oh God, could you imagine like if you invite them both to a wedding? Oh, like figure out the seating arrangement. Oh God, put Goatface near the Swayze table at all.

Goatface was supposed to be in the Chippendales skit on SNL.

That's really— that's— yep, Goatface was so close to getting it too.

Oh, Goatface just hates Patrick Swayze.

I heard Goatface was on set ready to do it like live that night, and then Patrick Swayze showed up just randomly and they were like, oh, we got new—

we got a new host this week. Yeah, it was supposed to be Goat Face hosting Saturday Night Live.

Yeah.

The first ever, the first ever part animal, part man to host Saturday Night Live.

First time ever.

Yeah.

Never happened.

Would've been a history in the making.

Is this just a guy with like, is this just like a guy with a goat head? Is that what basically we're looking at?

Goat Face. Yeah. He's got a human head, but a goat face. It's not Goat Boy from Saturday Night Live, which was played by Jim Brewer, who is the disgraced comedian. In my eyes, disgraced at least. I'm sure there's some alt-right people that love his chicanery.

Goatface doesn't like him either.

No, everyone hates Jim Brewer, but Goatface really, because he played Goat Boy, which was based off of Goatface. Oh, it all comes back.

Oh my gosh. Yeah, that was brilliant. Sensitive.

Goatface was this close to being the one of the most beloved Characters in Western civilization.

Yep.

He almost, just almost as popular as James Bond. He would be coming back.

A hair.

Yeah, it's really—

people now would be discussing who's going to be the next Goatface, but they're not.

No, no, they're not.

There's only one Goatface, damn it.

Yeah, and sadly he's mostly forgotten until just now. Yep. Oh well. Oh well indeed.

Oh, I love this character we've made up.

Well, you know what we need to love even more is we are watching Tomorrow Never Dies.

All right. Yeah, let's start.

Oh, boys, we need to talk about it.

We do.

Can I say, like, just right off the bat, like, I— and maybe there was, but is there— and we have to just do— I probably could just do some research, look it up on YouTube. There's gotta be like some James Bond-based condom commercials.

What? Why?

No, because we've now watched, we've now watched 2 movies. He's had sex with at least—

That's what he does. That's James Bond, dude.

Okay.

But like, but he doesn't—

he never stirred.

I mean, he doesn't seem to have any kids and he doesn't seem to catch anything.

So having a James Bond blasting dust all over the place, no one tells you that part.

Yeah.

But I'm saying like, let's, maybe he's got a good A good like a good condom commercial starring James Bond, I think would be great.

Oh, I believe in the very first Bond, he goes to who who's the gadget person Q?

Yep.

To get a vasectomy.

That's the very first. It's the very first Bond. Yeah. It's like the pre credits, like right before it starts. Yeah. Just so you know.

And they and but like they did some upgrades too. So there's like a missile launcher or something as well.

Yeah, we're still waiting to see that. It'll shoot rockets if you do something. Specific. Yeah, make sure you don't press the wrong button down there. Don't press that red button. Just don't press it. Yeah, yeah, really.

It's— I, I was really like, again, in this one I'm like, oh my God, like, again he's doing this whole thing all over again. I forget how many people—

it's what he does thing.

I guarantee at least in every movie he does it at least twice.

I will say this Well, whoever that blonde was, the first one, the Dutch teacher or whatever, she was totally naked under that blanket. There was no like acting involved there because that blanket kept coming up and they kept showing a lot of butt. Too much butt for a PG-13 if you ask me.

You know what else I noticed in this one?

What?

Pierce Brosnan likes to bite.

Yeah, he does do that.

He bit her shoulder a little bit. He bit Teri Hatcher's shoulder a little bit.

Yeah, that's his thing.

He's a biter. That's also— they set that up in the first film.

In the very first Bond, he bites Q while he's getting a vasectomy.

Yeah, there's no, no, no anesthetic, so he just had to bite down lovingly.

Yeah, yeah, bite your belt, Bond.

Now, now that's a— and so that's another thing, like, they brought it in. They—

it's—

they still have the same original guy playing Q is still going on in these ones.

But that's the same guy.

Yes. Well, no, he just shows up when—

No, he worked at an Avis. It was terrible. I hated that so much.

He worked—

I think Bond says something and that girl walks, and that girl walks away, and then Q comes over. It's not—

yeah, but it's—

he's not working there to work.

I think that was an undercover, like, there's an Avis sign in the back.

They return, he blasts the car Who do you think paid for part of this movie?

I know, I hated it. I hated it so much. Yeah, Avis was also— was, was it Avis or Budget Rental Car that O.J. Simpson did commercials for?

Uh, no, uh, Hertz.

Hertz, that's right. Never mind.

That's gotta hurt.

Yeah, it hurts, don't it?

I didn't even know.

Cool commercial too with him running through the airport, jumping over luggage and stuff.

Yeah.

Back when he was just a violent football player, not a violent double murderer.

Better times.

Better times indeed. This—I had a tough time with this movie, Terry. I wish. I wonder if tomorrow never or no what? What's tomorrow?

The world is never.

The world is not enough.

I wonder if that was better in our alternate timeline.

That's what I'll never know. That's the killer.

If the world is not enough, is that the last?

Brosnan one then? I think it's the second one. Okay. Because GoldenEye, The World's Not Enough, this, and then the whatever the other one was I said.

I know I've seen GoldenEye. Yeah, guarantee that. I don't remember it, but I know I've seen it.

And I think as far as like Rotten Tomatoes score and stuff, I think GoldenEye is considered the best of the Brosnan ones, but like the rest of them are just not I've probably seen The World Is Not Enough too.

I don't remember it though.

Oh, oh, sorry. Toronto Never Dies is the second of the Brosnans. GoldenEye, Toronto Never Dies, The World Is Not Enough, and then Die Another Day.

I've seen that one too, I bet. I don't remember it. I don't know. But this one, I don't know. Oh God, it has all that '90s stuff that just does not age well at all. And it's not even like— I couldn't tell this movie was supposed to be funny. bad or bad funny, or just if it was just all 3, it's just like seamlessly blended between them, like the effortlessness of like a dancing gazelle. It was too much.

I, I mean, Bond, like the first, like, you know, like 10 lines of dialogue he has are also pretty much all jokes in one line.

Oh, he's a cunning linguist. Yeah, he's gotta pump somebody for information.

Yeah, some of the jokes really didn't match. Oh God.

Okay, I wrote this one down because it happens later on, and this movie is— the writer, he— I know he wrote a lot of Bond. It was questionable. The script was pretty bad in my opinion.

It wasn't even done.

But they're flying up and they're like, it's another Carver building. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he's developing an Oedipus complex.

That was dumb.

An Oedipus complex means you want to bone your mom.

Yeah, it doesn't make any sense.

What does that have to do with the building?

I think he just didn't know what that meant.

I guarantee they didn't know what that meant. They put it in there and it never got changed. Like, so that's supposed to be like a funny one-liner, much like the cunning linguist and the, the whatever and the The Dutch thing, you know, like oh they'll print anything these days.

That one was funny. We all can admit that one.

I thought he was gonna say stop the presses.

So did I. So did I.

See, but they curved.

They did. Subverted my expectations. Yeah. And once again with the he's developing an Oedipus complex, which made zero sense. That they didn't know the tale of Oedipus.

I was sitting there just like thinking like, what? Like my brain, like, like I remember him saying that and going like, what? Like, okay, I just kind of just zoned out. I was like, that doesn't make sense.

I wrote it down because I had to bring it up because it just made— yeah, it's there. Now, if he was a media mogul that wanted to have sex with his mom, that would make sense. Or older women. Like, it was like, he's an old guy, so he would like want to have like, like really old women with him.

They have like a big old poster of his mom's face on the wall or something.

Yeah, that would be building an Oedipus complex. Or a poster of him having sex with his mom.

Like, maybe if his last name is— the villain's last name was Oedipus. Yeah, yeah. Or Oedipus.

Yeah, Mama's Sexy 69420, whatever.

That's his username. Yeah, yeah, easily. But it yeah, that that that joke didn't make sense.

But that line to me was like the encapsulation of the movie.

Oh wow. Mm-hmm.

And you know, like so in learning that like Anthony Hopkins was supposed to be in this and then dropped out. Yes. I I was telling my wife about this just you know earlier just recapping the movie, and I was like you know it almost seemed like outside of Bond and M. Like every other kind of character seemed to just be like not the right person for it. Like, uh, who said that weird assassin like guy?

Oh, the German guy. Oh no. Oh no. What was his name? I know who you're talking about though.

Yeah. But like, he's— I've seen him in a bunch of other stuff and usually it's in like a non-serious role and I was kind of like, what? I don't know, I felt like that guy seemed a little out of place. Um, I thought Teri Hatcher, I don't know, whatever she was going for as far as the role, like being like serious and moody the whole time or distressed the whole time, like I've really found her distractingly bad in this movie.

I don't know what, uh, Teri Hatcher's point was in this. I mean, she died quick, which surprised me.

Yeah, I thought she was gonna be the main, yeah, love interest, but not really, not really.

That Gupta character.

Yeah, he's— they never fully explain what he's doing. He's just got that red box with the GPS thing, I guess. I don't—

He's the brains. He's the one who's doing all the tech stuff. Yeah. I kind of agree with you guys. I think that the tone is a little odd at times, but I liked— like, I thought they— I thought they did a pretty decent, like, job of flip-flopping between, like, the serious and the goofy in a way. Like, I feel like the last one we watched, that's what I didn't like about it, was it felt like it was trying to be grounded, but then also, like, the guy did all the jokes and stuff. And this one, I felt a little more natural to me. I thought they did better.

Mm-hmm.

blending it in. Um, my main issue, I didn't really— I thought just the villain was kind of lame. Like, the whole Media Mogul thing was just kind of stupid. Like, I kind of get it, you know, and it's just kind of a relevant thing, but like, being like a— trying to just— I don't know, like, he can destroy the world with the power of media. That kind of thing was a bit much, I thought. I was like, that's just— I don't know, he was just not— he didn't— I didn't like his performance that much, and I didn't think he was all that threatening either.

No, I also, at the beginning where he's having this, uh, like meeting of the minds with this—

Yes, that was—

We're going to release our software with so many bugs people have to constantly upgrade. I'm like, this is written by a boomer that's angry that he can't figure out how to do email, right? Like, come on.

Yeah, that, that whole— that was way too on— I think that whole angle is just too on the nose.

It's like, there's a lot of time where he's just sitting around in like a room, like he's in like that like big giant room with all the screens and stuff just by himself, just kind of staring off. Like it's super dark. He's just staring off into space constantly.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Like, I like, I like the concept of a guy being able to like, he's, he's like an information specialist, you know, like nobody messes with him because he could destroy anybody. Like, that's kind of cool. But like, he's such like a high profile. I don't know. I thought that it's just too much, too blatantly over the top. kind of thing, I guess. Like, yeah, it just— it did not work for me, like, with the rest of the movie. It just was weird.

I mean, I guess the only, like, one of the main things I— you know, this whole thing is based on, like, fake news, so I— yeah, maybe it's definitely, like, uh, ahead of its time. But what's real news?

It's just been created.

Yes.

Yeah, I will say there are some very— like, Bond really does some good chase scenes.

Yeah, the action scene in the garage, parking garage, was really cool with the car.

Yeah, the remote control car thing was really fun.

I'm gonna complain real fast. Yeah, because before that they're like, we can't get in the car, they're shooting the car. Okay, and then Bond comes down there, he starts remote controlling the car, and what do they do? They shoot the windshield and blast a hole in it.

Yeah, they hit that windshield with a sledgehammer, it did nothing.

Yeah, but why don't they just shoot the windshield to begin with if they need to get in there? They're like shooting the the like the doors. Yeah, I would rather shoot the windshield, not the door.

Yeah, I'm saying like they, but I'm saying like they hit it with a sledgehammer; it didn't break. So like what? I don't was once it's in motion, there's something weird with the sledgehammer. They shot it up. Yeah, they shot the bazooka missile went right through it. It's the pickle jar.

You know, you loosen it up and then somebody else opens and you go like, "Oh, you're welcome." Oh, I loosened it for you.

Yep.

I feel like that's what happened.

I had a real problem with that because then they shot that— they shot that like bazooka through the windshield.

Yes, that was awesome.

You know what, I, I didn't even— you know, it did— I didn't even notice the fact that like all of a sudden they were like, we're able to bust out the window after not being able to do it before. It, it totally— because they do it in 2 separate like scenes.

That's a— man, I laughed at it.

And then they go do something else and then they come back to that and I'm like So I think maybe I just didn't like connect the two, that they, that they didn't bust into it that way. But yeah, other than that though, that, that's a, a pretty good one. I like the motorcycle chase scene. Yeah, I like that. Um, where like she's, you know, shouting out, we got 2 cars behind. Yeah, we got the 2 cars behind, we got the helicopter coming. Uh, you know, all the different stuff they got going on, jumping over the helicopter, he's got to balance the bike. So this Bond does this good overall, even if the, even if some of the stuff in last week's movie looked a little silly when they did like the close-ups of the people. Like, the chase scenes are still kind of cool.

This movie does something that I missed that doesn't really get done anymore, and I think it's just because it's a product of the time, is big practical stunt pieces where, like, the helicopter being down and like tilted down. You know, the helicopter's on some sort of mechanical arm And the blades are spinning, yes, but nobody's close enough to get hit. But the way it's filmed makes it look like it's, it's happening, right?

Yeah, yeah.

They don't do that anymore.

It'd just be CGI.

It would be CGI. It'd be super fast. And like, but this is like, it's, it feels semi-slow but semi-quick, you know? I'm— yeah, you know, it's, it's realistic on rails.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it feels more real though, like tactile.

Yeah, it's like going to the Indiana Jones Stunt Spectacular at Disney World, watching the Jeep catch on fire and flip, and you know it's on an arm and it flips really slow, but seeing it on film, that's what it was for me.

Yeah, I think the set pieces are all pretty cool. I like the action a lot.

I miss those. They don't do that anymore in movies because it all is all on a green screen and all done by CGI.

It's like only like Mission Impossible, and I mean, there's other examples, but yeah, like I feel like that's what Tom Cruise's whole thing about is these days, you know, it's like practical. That's what's so cool about seeing those in theaters. It's like, wow, this is— you just don't see movies. It just feels so novel, even though this is how they used to make movies all the time.

That motorcycle chase scene ended, I laughed because they jump over the motorcycle, over the helicopter, right? From building onto the roof, and then they crash through the roof with zero momentum and they just land like straight down.

Yes, yes.

And then as they go to like, as they go to leave, that like they look back and the girl in the bed smirks, Weird.

Yeah.

And then she goes to have continue having sex with whoever was in the bed with her. Like, I'm not gonna be stopped by a motorcycle crashing through my ceiling.

No. I mean, once you're there, I'm charging more.

I'm so close. I gotta.

I'm so close. Yeah. Yeah. I'd like you can't knock my mojo off too much. Yeah.

I'm gonna tell you what. If I'm in a situation and a motorcycle comes crashing through the ceiling, I'm done right there.

Yeah. I'm gonna just give up. Yeah. I think it's whatever I'm doing. I'm like, you know what? Yep. I think I'll leave. Like, I'll go, I'll go a couple miles out of the radius of where it just happened. I don't know what's going on, but I'm gonna leave.

No, I'm done in the good way.

Oh yeah, that's close.

Motorcycle's crashing through. Whoa, it's the only way I can get done.

Yeah.

Yes, after that.

Yeah, yeah, you never get a high like that again.

No, you can't.

And then there's not a giant explosion or something coming through the roof.

life. Yeah, paying people to crash motorcycles into you.

That's expensive.

Yeah, sounds like a Chuck Palahniuk book or something like that.

Yeah, you're gonna have to start dating Motorcycle Man.

Just, you, you gotta pay for motorcycle, you know, upkeep as well because it's gotta be fixed every time.

Oh, it's just too much.

Oh, that's tough.

Yeah, only way I can finish is motorcycle crashing onto me.

Has to happen at a very specific time. It can't just happen Right away, you know. I gotta get him working up a little bit first.

Yeah, let me let me rev up my engine a little bit. Yes.

Oh God! The action is the highlight. I like Pierce Brosnan in this James Bond as well. I think he does a pretty good job.

Yeah, this Bond is fine. And I think the script for this movie is terrible.

It it does feel like very jumbled. I feel like that like they when I read that was not finished, I was like it seems like they're kind of going through the motions and not even in a necessarily good way.

Half Anthony Hopkins did like one of the later Transformer movies. Yeah, if he was finished, and if he turned the Age of Extinction—

I think he's in— oh, I thought it was The Last Knight.

The Last Knight.

Oh yeah, no, yeah, The Last Knight, that's what it is. Yeah, yeah, I saw that one. That was horrible. Yeah, it's horrible. And so if he turned down this and walked away from this one, it's still— but he didn't walk away from Transformers, then it had to really, really be bad.

Yeah, and we haven't even touched on like The international war plot, which is dumb.

China versus the UK.

China versus the UK.

And it's all because— and it's all because China's the only people who didn't sign on to Carver's media licensing.

Dumb. Uh, stealth boats, cool.

Which, like, they— yeah, it's— it just shows up and they kind of like briefly explain later on, like They're like, oh, some stuff got stolen from somewhere, like, that would normally be used to make a stealth plane. They're like, but it's not a plane, it can't be. And like, they just— they really solved that up really quickly.

Yeah, yeah. I don't even know where it came from.

The interior of the stealth boat, dumb. I— a lot of the interiors looked fake, like when they were doing like close-ups, like, it looks like cardboard, like it just didn't look real. Then the missile and they put igniters, like, uh, they're shooting rocket launchers in the That was cool. Bond stole a fighter jet in the opening sequence. Yeah. And ejected a man out of his fighter jet into another fighter jet that was directly above it, which caused the fighter jet to explode.

It was awesome.

I don't know if it was awesome.

It was. It was the highlight of the movie for me.

Also, is that even possible?

None of that's possible.

Yeah, wouldn't it just smash into the bottom of the thing and be done?

Yes, and like bounce off back into their jet. Maybe their jet would have exploded.

I love that the driver, or the guy in the back seat, blasted out, hit another plane, landed in the back seat of the other plane.

Yes, shot up through the bottom of the jet.

Had enough time for them both to go like, that's weird, and then it exploded. Yeah, I like that. I liked Michelle Yeoh's character. I like that he meets another version of him essentially, like doing the same thing. I think that's a really cool idea for a James Bond movie. I wish that would have been more focused on in the plot, is them maybe competing with each other a bit more throughout the whole movie, because I like that dynamic of him and her like kind of going head-to-head a little bit and then having to work together at the end to solve the problem.

I thought that was Terry Hatcher's character. He gives him a bunch of crap about how like, you know, your job, the You know, it's murder on relationships, and then suddenly finds somebody who yes has the same base, I guess quote unquote interests as him.

That would have been a great way to explore a new facet of the characters. Like okay, every time I get in a relationship, it goes wrong, or I can't keep it because of my job. Here's somebody who actually has the same job as me, and we have a connection. You know, like that.

Yeah, if maybe I should date another spy, and that would yeah.

That would have been cool, but I mean they don't really do that.

They understand the long hours and the not calling back.

I'm gonna have to have sex with five different people while I'm on a mission.

Yeah, it's the spy way.

Yeah, I have to. Like, they're watching me. If I come back and I've only got 4s, they're gonna get upset.

Do we do it, boyos?

Pretty sure we did.

Did we get through Tomorrow Never Dies from— I don't even know what year— 1997?

'97. Yep.

Yeah, James Bond 007, Pierce Brosnan.

Ah, what a time to be alive, the '97s.

Yeah, the 97s, the 365 days that existed from January 1st to December 31st. Yeah. What'd you guys think?

I mean, it's got some good signature Bond things in it, the action and stuff like that, but the story and the overall plot is just— it's one of the more like weird, weird ones that just doesn't work. And, uh, yeah, so I'm just kind of average, like meh, 2.5 out of 5.

Yeah, I, I like this one okay. I think that the story is a kind of a mess. Um, I wish they would have Kind of it seems pretty obvious that the script is was weak and did not it needed some tuning up. I feel like the action makes up for it quite a bit. I like Pierce Brosnan as Bond. I think he does a good job, and I like Michelle Yeoh as his kind of counterpart. I think that's cool. Unfortunately, the villain is kind of lame, but overall I think there's more good than bad. I've still pretty much entertained the whole time. It's just sometimes it was more stupid than good, you know, but not necessarily in a I think that it does an interesting. Not necessarily good, but interesting job of trying to balance like kind of serious stuff with like the more cheesy stuff from the older Bonds, I guess. Like the, the quips and the over-the-topness doesn't always succeed, but I kind of— I thought they did an okay job at blending those two together.

I did not really care for this movie very much. I felt it was corny as all hell. Yeah, I don't know. I really— uh, this one was a tough one for me. Real tough. Like, I like the stunts to an extent. And then the story was just so bad and laughable. The jokes were not good. And he's building an Oedipus complex, which made zero sense whatsoever, but it still remained in the final cut of the movie. Yeah, whatever. Well, we know what we thought. What did the internet have to say? Well, on February 5th, 2009, I didn't— DaveBond007.

Oh yes. Okay.

Can the success continue?

Yes.

After the tremendous success of GoldenEye, could the producers continue moving the franchise in the right direction? You better believe it. All caps. Just when you thought GoldenEye delivered all the excitement and true essence of Bond you could have ever hoped for, we get something that, depending on your tastes, is, is far more exciting than its predecessor. We get Tomorrow Never Dies. Pierce plays— What does that mean, depending on your tastes?

I don't know.

And he capitalized we as capital W, capital E. We get Tomorrow Never Dies. Pierce plays the role far more confidently in this film, and it shows. This film has so many great moments, it's really hard not to list them here. Bond's BMW is unbelievable. The cast is excellent, and there's a cool aura surrounding this film. From the cleverly paced Bond theme to the traditions you've grown to love, it's hard not to enjoy yourself while watching this film. The Brosnan era was a golden age for the franchise. Each film gave us something new, something grand, never cheap on action, excitement, suspense, humor, or beautiful ladies. These films are the representation of what makes James Bond. the icon he is today. The all-important fun factor is on full throttle here, and honestly, what's missing in the new films. 10, found it helpful. 11, not so much. 10 out of 10.

Okay, a very evenly divided review.

Yeah. Yes, but I didn't realize it was made by Dave Bond 007 until I—

I wonder if he's, if he's biased at all about this.

I don't know.

Maybe it could be his name is literally just Dave Bond. It could be that his last name is Bond. Bond. Dave Bond.

Yeah. Well, not to be outdone, on August 29th of 1999, Nick S had this to say: Tragic addition to a tragic series. Okay. I don't know how the Bond series continues. This is by far the worst of all. I admit, even the other Bond movies are terrible, you can actually bear to watch them, but Tomorrow Never Dies is taking it too far.

Wow.

I don't know how they got funding to make so many of them. The movie takes up the same formula as many Bond movies. One man tries to have world domination He has many weak henchmen than he has his one tough henchman who is so strong and can take multiple stab wounds and punches to the head. Yeah, it's a disgrace to make movies like this. I have no clue as to how the series continues. 0.5 over 10. 3 found it helpful, 7 not so much.

1 out of 10. 0.5 out of 10 is what he wants to give it? Wow.

I— we've had this happen multiple times. Listen, if you're listening to this and you're debating on whether you should like put a review on IMDb or whatever, that's fine. Don't put a numerical score at the end of your review that's part of the review body that can't exist and then grade it something else. Okay, just don't do it. Please.

Just use the scale given, please.

Yes. At least he didn't do like 52 out of 100, 0.5 out of 10.

Yes.

1 out of 10.

3 stars out of 10. And you're like, what? But yeah, but he gives it a 1 out of 10 on there, but like 3 stars out of 5.

Just don't do it. Please stop.

Yeah. Just accept what you're given. Be grateful that you even have stars.

There's a world where there were no stars. And now we have stars. Don't abuse the stars.

No, don't abuse them. Don't act like you're better than them.

Just use 'em. Please don't.

Yeah. And I, I mean, he brings up a good point though. I mean, like, yeah, if you're just looking at like, like overall, like Rotten Tomatoes scores and stuff like that, none of 'em get like excellent reviews at all outside of a lot of the early ones that get like, you know, some really good, you know, very high scores that you almost wonder like how this thing continues to keep popping up as much as it does.

It's one of Western culture's most beloved literary characters.

Yeah, people love him. It's like a thing that's cross-generation. So like, it's like, oh, I'm just the kid, but I can take my dad and my grandparents to go see James Bond because we all know James Bond.

Yeah. This movie has a 6.5 out of 10 on IMDb. It's pretty good out of 214,000 reviews. That's more good than bad. And I would not— this movie is a bad movie. It is terrible.

6.5 seems fair.

Yeah. I don't know. That seems very generous in my eyes.

All right.

Oh, well, we did it. We got through another week of 007 month. Is this Bond month or 007 month, Keith?

Bond.

Bond month. That's how I'll put it. It's all titled Bond.

DTF.

DTF002. Oh.

Bond.

DTF002, second month, I guess, right?

Yeah.

Out of a possible 100 months, minimum 100 months.

But can you make the 2 kind of look like it's a 7?

I, well, yes. I have the font that can make that happen.

Okay, perfect.

Oh yeah, I guess now it it rests firmly on my shoulders now, doesn't it?

To like, oh yes, this month, in a way.

And now when this month was declared, I was like, okay, I'm, I'm in, I'm in the cleanup spot, basically. I'm going to choose a bond that others didn't choose. Keith chose Bob Watanabe or whatever his name was. I don't know what his Whatever.

The one-off man who did the one-off Australian Lazenby.

Yeah, George Lazenby.

Great. And then Terry chose Pierce Brosnan based on a video game he played, but chose a different movie on accident.

Yeah, oops.

That left me with all of the choices.

I mean, that's how it was going to end up ever anyway. You're going to have a million choices no matter who we pick.

I've left with Sean Connery. I'm left with Timothy Dalton, Roger Moore. Yeah, but I chose Daniel Craig.

Oh, I was wondering. Yay. Okay.

I'm going Daniel Craig now. I'm going with one I've never seen. And but when I searched, I did a Google search, what's the best Daniel Craig Bond? It told me Casino Royale. So that's what we're doing.

The best part of this now is I know, uh, we're gonna watch that and I can Now jump into all the other ones. I didn't. Oh, I didn't know.

You can relax because Zardoz won't pop up on the wheel.

No, no, no, no. I think it's no. Because I wanted to watch. I wanted to go back and watch some. I wanted to go back and watch the other ones. Okay. Watch away, my man. And I was like, well, I don't. Who knows what Derek's gonna pick here? I actually thought maybe you would pick the Timothy Dalton one. Why? Because I think because I think like like Connery and Moore are like the two main guys who do like all the most stuff and then Daniel Craig being the most recent. So I was like, well, we picked like, I don't want to say the most fringe members of the thing, but like, you know, since you don't know me, those two, you picked the most fringe.

I did.

I did specifically.

Yeah. You did four films, my guy. Yeah.

I don't know.

Well, I guess at least with nothing to do, right? We're gonna. We finished Bond week two with the world never dies tomorrow.

No. Tomorrow the world dies. Oh God, that'd be a good Bond title. Tomorrow, comma, the world dies. Tomorrow never ends until it dies.

And Tomorrow is the name of this guy's like newspaper. Yeah, that was stupid. Come on, lame.

Because it's really stupid because it did die during the movie.

Like, yeah, yes, multiple times. The paper was ripped in shreds as the guy fell through it, and then the, the Rupert Murdoch character was just killed.

Yep.

Yeah, it was like physically destroyed and then like just in society it was destroyed as well.

Yeah.

On that satellite that the guy was like, hey, it's worth like $300 billion or whatever. Don't break it. And Bond just shoves it over.

Yeah.

It's super easy.

There's too much in this movie. Yeah. Too much to thumbs down it for me. Oh well. And now we're on to Daniel Craig doing Yep. I guess that leaves us with nothing to do than end this the way we end everything. How's that?

I can't imagine living in a life without you in it. What if I die before you? Oh boy! Oh no! Imagine that. Bodega Bay.

I'm here to do a piece on Joseph Hawthorne. I'm getting visits.

A reporter came here and said that. He wanted to do a story on me.

Mr. Hawthorne! Ed Hale, San Francisco Noise.

Well, where will you start?

I was thinking of starting with the locals.

Good luck, darling.

Maybe he knows something about Annabelle, what happened that day. Ed, when she disappeared, people lost it. This whole town divided. I mean, half of them don't believe him, and the other half, they're too afraid.

What do they have to be afraid of? I'm Jack. I'm his wife's brother.

I'm Jack.

Thanks for listening to Fumbling Through Film. New episodes drop every Thursday. Got feedback or questions? Email us at [email protected]. You can see our films to fumble before you tumble into the grave and other musings on Letterboxd at Fumble Through Film. The through is T-H-R-U. You can also follow Keith on Instagram @kg3030lives and on Letterboxd at kg3030. Terry is on Letterboxd at Terry 2099. Derek is on Letterboxd at Derek the number 9 and then the word 9. All original music is done by the Dr. Dre of Kansas, Terry, so hit him up for them bangers. Our new podcast logo is done by the delightful and talented Sanjay Vicky Nayak. You can find her on Instagram at Einkstein. That's Einstein with a K in there. We'll see you next week as we keep on fumbling. Uh, well.

Last week I got a little confused and I thought I picked, uh, The World Is Not Enough, but as the recording was played back to me, apparently what I chose was Tomorrow Never Dies.

Tomorrow Never Dies. Yes, indeed. See, that's why I thought Keith was referencing the, the confusion over Terry and his own selection.

Yes. No, no, no, no, I was actually just referencing the actual movie.

Okay, gotcha.

I would never call Terry out for his Oh, uh, for things that happen off mic or things that he never does, or even on mic.

Yeah, yeah, it was a shame because I was really excited to pick it because I was like, wow, I used to play the video game of The World Is Not Enough all the time as a kid. I have a personal connection. I went on a long spiel about this on the episode, and then somehow I said the wrong name and said Tomorrow Never Dies, which I don't even know how I did that because I must have had like IMDb pulled up and was like looking at other things, or I don't know. Like, I have this whole thing where like when we pick a movie we're gonna watch, I usually add it to my Letterboxd watch list and I added Tomorrow Never Dies to that. And but I also usually, as we're talking, will reserve it from the library. And I had reserved The World Is Not Enough. It was like, I don't even remember which one I picked.

It's very strange because I'll usually, while we're recording, I will order the, the DVD off of eBay or whatever as we're recording so it gets like in the mail as fast as possible.

Yes.

And I ordered Tomorrow Never Dies. And then when Keith asked on like Thursday or Friday, what are we watching? I was like, oh, Tomorrow Never Dies. Terry's— and Terry took umbrage with that. And I was like, well, let's check the tape. I actually had to pull up recordings I haven't even edited yet and to find the clip.

No, I think I thought it was Tomorrow Never Dies. And I went to Terry's Letterboxd and I happened to see that Terry had it loaded in there. I'm like, wait a minute, that's not what I thought we were supposed to be watching.

Yeah, I don't know. Something weird happened. I feel like, like, oh, there's a warp in reality that happened.

Berenstain, Berenstain.

I remember one reality.

The world's not enough.

It's like some listeners will remember me saying the world never dies, or wait, the world's not enough. And then some listeners remember me saying tomorrow never dies, and they're in a different universe. Something happened, and now something happened.

Yeah, well, but we're in, we're in the tomorrow never dies universe.

Yeah, whatever happened, I was wrong, and it's tomorrow never dies, and it's the worst outcome we possibly could have had.

Here's a strong possibility that's true.

The best part would've been if you played it back and it said like, tomorrow is never enough. Yeah, that was funny.

And, and that you and I had just gone with it because it sounds like a Bond.

It does. Yeah, it does. But, oh God, I'm willing to accept my mistake. This is why I picked Tomorrow Never Dies is because that's literally what I said last week.

Yes.

It's the only reason. I didn't think I did, but I did. So here we are.

It's literally what you said last week into the microphone and recorded.

And, and went on a whole rant about it.

Yeah. About a video game. I was like, cool. I have no idea. Maybe.

Yeah. I'm sure there's a video game about this too.

I think there was. How much it meant to you as a child and everything was great.

Yeah. How I murdered people. Yeah. It was great.

Yeah. And there's a chance I edited all that out, but now I might not have to because, oh, see, this is like a 2-episode callback. Ugh.

Not the end of this part of our lives.

Editor's nightmare.