Indie AF: Hundreds of Beavers (2022)

Gather together from the cosmic reaches of the universe. Here in this great screening room with comfortable recliners are the most powerful forces of good ever assembled. Keith.

The five dogs. Also the six beavers, because they're never really seen together. Terry.

Thank God he doesn't. He's not able to, but if he could, he would.

Derek. Tight. That's the theme for this week. Nothing superfluous, nothing extra. No dawdling. And the power twins, Zap and Jordan with their magical lemur snort. Dedicated to fumbling their way through movies one forgotten gem at a time. This week we watch 2022's supernatural winter epic, Hundreds of Beavers. This is Fumbling Through Film. Hello and welcome to another, one of a kind, genre defining, brand new episode of Fumbling Through Film. It's the only show I guarantee dares to bring together three dudes to talk about movies. These aren't just any movies, though.

It's on that one though.

You guys both spoke over one another in such a way that I only heard nothing. Just I heard in gibberish,

like some beavers talking.

Like beavers talking. Anyway, these, these aren't just any movies. But they are any movies because they're the ones that we've either missed, overlooked or feel are simply worth revisiting. That's any movie anywhere.

Yeah, maybe not anywhere, but most places.

Terry. It's all. I still got my scissors. Snip, snip. Terry, don't sniff at me.

Every time, every week, you know, scissors get a little bit closer to me.

I don't like it.

A little bit closer. Anyway, my name is Derek and I am a Fumbler. That one. That's a little bit too close. Is the prime Minister of fumbling and film, Keith.

Hey, what's up, everybody? KG Fumbler extraordinaire.

Hello.

Nothing else. All right. It's Fumbler extraordinaire.

Not this week. We're gonna be straight to the point.

Straight to the point. No dilly dally and no beating around the bush. Just keep it a tight 90 minutes. Tight. That's the theme for this week. Nothing superfluous, nothing extra. No dawdling, just right to it.

Okay?

Another one that's always right to it and always on point. He's the Dr. Dre of Kansas. Terry.

That's right. I'm always on points. I'm always right to it. I do everything with extreme efficiency.

Extreme efficiency. Extreme.

There's always a meaning and efficiency behind every word I say, so don't question anything.

I mean, I, I personally, I'm. I'm trying to limit everything I say because we can only say things once on the show. You can't repeat those things.

That was weeks ago, Keith. And I really remember that. Weeks ago.

Some rules, you know, they're temporary. Like this week is efficiency Last. Whatever that time was, was. No repeats.

No repeats this weekend.

So we've changed.

Every week is a one off.

We have new rules every week.

Or like a sitcom.

Yeah.

Hold on. We do a monthly theme where we pick four. Each one of us picks a movie and then you do get the wild card one. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm saying.

Hold on.

My bit. Keith.

I Sorry. I've been hanging out with Terry too long. What I'm saying though is, is how could. Every episode is a one off. But we actually have a thing that goes on here. I maybe. I don't know.

I don't know what is we do. But you. I know what it is. I know we do here.

Yeah.

This podcast. Let me tell you what we do because I know what it is.

Okay.

Every month, every week we watch movies. But every month we. There's a theme. So it's not just any movie.

Yes. Thank you.

One of us will choose a theme, a genre, some sort of guiding light, a storage shop guide where like one beaver equals a movie, two beavers equals a movie. Can we adhere to that?

Yeah.

And each of us watches the movie that hears that. And on the fourth week we really fumble.

On the fourth week we cut open one of the previous movies and make a suit out of it.

Yes. We do do that. Just like in Crocodile Lundy.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Just like that. Yeah. I mean, I feel like everybody knows what we're talking about. That's not it.

Or maybe Romance in the stone.

I've very vividly remember somebody's justification for the kangaroo is he killed a kangaroo and skinned it and wore it like a suit. Kangaroo suit.

Went to battle.

Went to battle with that kangaroo suit on. I understand if you don't remember, Keith, but I do remember with great efficiency.

Yes. That was the most efficient memory I've ever heard.

Anyway, this month was a me month where DTF down to fumble year two, month four. So we've wrapped around back to the beginning. And I'm not going to go into a huge explanation of what got us here, but this month we're doing indie as movies. Indie af. It's got to be super indie and super hardcore in that way.

Yeah. I do believe. I do believe. You said you wanted you were going to really test the Limits of any movie.

I was testing the limits of any movie. And so far, I think we might be two for two on that. The first week, I provided to y' all Big Bad Betty on Blu ray.

Yes. Physically provided.

Physically provided. And I also brought along the creator of Big Bad Betty.

Yeah.

Our first guest ever.

Our first ever guest. And he was a delight. So that means this week, week two, DTFY2M4W2 is a Keith week.

Yep.

Keith.

Oh, Y2K.

Y2K. Keith was bestowed upon us.

I. I don't have a creator, but I do have hundreds of beavers.

Hundreds of beavers from a year I don't even know.

2022.

Oh, don't step on your own deep dive, Keith.

I'm allowed to.

Oh, oh, suddenly now somebody's allowed to do it.

Yeah. All right, well, before we talk about our viewing of Hundreds of Beavers and before Keith takes us close to Hundreds of beavers, did any of us have any previous knowledge, history, or experience with Hundreds of Beavers? I did not. I never heard of it outside seeing

it pop up on my Amazon feed. No, I did not.

I've actually seen this before. It was a cult hit phenomenon when it came out. I feel like, at least in my

circles, in some weird circles, man.

You know, I got a guy. I got a guy. I got a beaver guy. Yeah. You know, this point in time, you

have like the Olympic rings of. Of people.

Well, all the genres of film. Giallo beaver films.

Yes.

The rest to be fulfilled.

Giallo, slasher, beaver, dual roles and reptiles. Yeah.

Those are all the greatest genres of film. And then every year they compete in a giant Olympic sport. Anyways, I have seen this and I think it might have even been showing at like, my local film festival at one point.

That is quite possible.

But yeah, even my dad texted me at one point, said, hey, have you ever heard of Hundreds of Beavers? And I was like, oh, yeah, I've already seen it.

Your dad is on the COVID Yeah.

Which is kind of weird. That's not. I was like, how did he hear about this? I don't know.

Terry, I'm going to challenge you to relax and hear more.

Oh.

About hundreds of beavers. Because Keith's gonna take us closer than we could ever dare dream to. Hundreds of beavers with another patent pending bubblers. Deep dive.

Challenge accepted.

Well, let's talk about hundreds of beavers now. I didn't fully step over my own feet when I said it came out in 2022. That was the first time that it showed up at A festival.

Oh.

And then had a larger US audience release in 2024.

Aha. Well, well, well.

Yeah, yeah. It says in this 19th century supernatural winter epic, a drunken Apple Jack salesman must go from zero to hero and become North America's greatest fur trapper by defeating hundreds of beavers.

Supernatural winter epic.

Yeah. I don't know if.

And he's a triple jack salesman.

That's what he is.

At the beginning, really, he was a salesman.

Well, he had like the bar and like the. He had the orchard and everything.

I didn't realize that was his. I thought he was just there getting drunk.

That's right.

No, that. No, I think he owned all. No, he was. He owned all the. The stuff for it.

Oh, there you go.

Or, you know, I kind of think this is a little bit of a rom com as well.

Yeah, I guess it is.

Some romantic comedy overtones.

Yep. And if you look on. If you're looking on IMDb, it lists a whole bunch of different genres that this falls under. But the one that stuck out to me the most was One Person Army Action.

Oh, that sounds like a cool genre. Yeah, it's like a Sisu genre.

Yeah, well, yeah, Sisu 1 and Sisu 2. John Wick 1 through 4, Nobody and Nobody 2. The Running Man, Derek. What's that one you just saw the.

With the they will kill you.

Yeah, yeah.

And I think that's a pretty dope movie. I liked it.

One Person army movie.

Yeah. And the Ready or Not movies also, I think are considered that as well.

Okay, interesting.

And then. And then Hundreds of Beavers. That's.

Well, it fits right in there.

It does, it does. Now this movie had a budget of $150,000. Well spent $883,000 in the US and Canada mostly.

That's a hit filmbuster compared to what it was cost.

Yeah, mostly at a film festival in Kansas someplace. And then it made 1.5 million worldwide.

The rest of being in Canada, I assume.

It was 883000 in US and Canada and then 1.5 worldwide, so.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

So where the other rest that came from?

From this film's estimated budget, the director estimated that the mascot costumes cost around 10,000.

Okay.

They had bought all of them online. And this took four years for him to raise the money.

Okay, sure.

Make this and that. I believe that that is the trivia bit in here that got me in on this. That this was considered indie as fuck.

It was that bit that made you think then.

Yeah, because. Well, because the fact that it's been on Amazon for like two years. I know they weren't behind it being made, but I didn't know like, you know, the fact that it had been bought up by, you know, been set up to be put on there. I didn't know if another studio had picked this up or something like that along the way. But that was the thing that that guy individually had raised the money.

I would still say even. Even if after this came was like made and showed at film festivals and somebody bought it, it's still indie af.

Derek, you mentioned film festivals really quickly there. This had. It had 24 wins and another 25 nominations at various different film festivals.

24 wins out of 25 nominations?

No, I think it's 24 wins and then another 25 nominations that it didn't win.

Okay.

Was still a pretty good. I mean, if you. We won basically half. That's pretty good.

I'd take one.

Just give me exactly the director who we're going to talk about here in a little bit. Mike Cheslick. He won the best narrative feature at Capital City Film Festival for this. They also won best international feature at the Fantasia film festival in 2023. Best special effects at Mantispoa International Fantastic Film Festival. Whole bunch of these. A director's prize at Film Quest. Best Visual Effects Film Quest.

You go throw a 24, aren't you?

No, I thought about it. Florida Film. Hell's Half Mile Film and Music Festival. They got Maverick Filmmaking Award. Jim Thorpe Independent Film Festival. Yeah.

Who's that?

The athlete?

Yes. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. He has a film fest.

Apparently. Apparently it's in his name. He's not alive anymore. But they got the audio. They won the audience award and best comedy at that one. The Kansas City Film Fest International gave. They were the best narrative feature.

Interesting.

Yep. Best comedy at Midwest Weird Fest. Morbido Fest.

Midwest Weird Fest. I gotta find this. So I go to the next one.

Morbido Fest. They were in winter. Special mention. I don't know what that means. Oklahoma. Oxford. Phoenix, Wyoming.

Oh, my God. Do you know where Midwest Weird Fest is?

At some place in Wisconsin.

It's an Eau Claire, Wisconsin.

I missed going to that.

It's March 19, 2026. This last year I missed it. We. God damn it.

Next year. You need to cover it.

I will go for sure next year.

I think we should. We should be.

We should just all go to Midwest Weird Fest.

Yeah, well, we should be on like a panel doing the show.

Oh, a live episode of Fumbling Through.

Yeah, yeah. Get off the stage.

Who are you? Why are you up there?

You're not nearly weird enough. Oh.

Now, this movie was directed by, as I mentioned, Mike Cheslick. It's his only feature length direct role. He did a couple shorts. One of them was called Lips or Lips. The League of Interplanetary Process Servers.

Okay.

The League of Interplanetary Process Servers. Finest agent attempts to deliver 30 subpoenas throughout the universe in 10 minutes. Wow. Now he wrote lips. Along with Ryland Brixton Cole Twos.

Okay.

They also team up for other writing gigs. This one was also then directed by rbct. I'm not going to keep saying his full name. It is called Lake Michigan Monster 2018.

That actually sounds familiar. I wonder if I.

On the shores of Lake Michigan, Captain Seafeld enlists a crew of specialists to slay the hellfish sea monster that stalks the murky depths. RBCT stars as Captain Seafood. Currently, RBCT is in pre production on a movie called Oriental Snatch. He wrote this and has the lead role, although they don't list exactly what the lead role is in it. But I'm gonna assume that probably playing DB Cooper. Because it's the mysterious DB Cooper. Hijack. Hijack Plane, 1971 Vanishing. His true identity, origin of favor. Man known. Making this midair heist one of aviation's greatest unsolved mysteries. And he is gonna be in the movie, I'm guessing. Easy to play that. Or somebody who thinks they found Evie Cooper. One or two. That's in pre production right now.

Pre pro.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't think we do very many pre pro stuff now. In this movie, Ryland Bricks and Colt Hughes plays the lead, Jean Kayak, also in this movie.

That's it? He's got nothing else?

No. These. None of these guys have very much. The Merchant guy, he spent half this

movie shirtless and it didn't give him anything else.

Do you want me to read what he was nominated for? A bunch of film festivals too.

I go through those too.

I think there's gonna be some crossover.

No, it's all right.

The guy who plays the Merchant, Doug Mancheski.

Okay.

2015, he was in a movie called Appleton, probably in Wisconsin. Sounds like snow falling slowly. Shotguns in every scene. A murder out in the woods. More scenes with cops or randos holding shotguns. People walking in snow in slow, slow motion. Barnes in the background. The end.

Is that the tagline?

No, that is the synopsis. Oh, that's the first synopsis listed on IMDb for that.

A lot of shotguns, a lot of snow. Okay, that's pretty cool.

There's a barn.

Yeah, yeah.

In the background.

Background. Yeah. If you remember, a little while back I said this film had an estimated budget of150,000 and they spent about 10,000 on the costumes.

Beaver costumes.

Yep, yep. Costumes for animal featured in this film. Six beavers, five dogs, two rabbits, one raccoon, one wolf, one skunk, one horse.

Oh, that horse costume.

That horse. That button. Yeah. Cost him a pretty penny.

So they only had six beaver costumes, so they had to do some special effect work, huh?

The opening credits do not appear until 33 minutes after the start of the film.

God, I know.

And the title itself doesn't appear on screen until 76 minutes in.

God, I know.

I noticed that perp.

Yeah.

Yep.

And then the title song, that starts the entire thing. Jean Kayak was performed by the Seafield Monster Sextet. Okay, no cool reference back to Lake Michigan Monster.

To what?

That's a nice little reference back to the Lake Michigan monster movie. Yep. Captain Seafield. That's who he plays in the movie there. God did, and I will say I was tempted to reach out to the guy.

Oh.

On IMDb and then I saw he had some posts talking about getting ready to start working on the new Oriental snatch movie that he's working on. I'm like, you know what? It seems like he's probably really busy right now. I'm not going to bother him with this.

I bet he is.

Yeah, yeah. Makes really busy.

It's like.

Yeah, that was pretty close, Keith. I, I, I mean, I don't know what else I would say about it.

I would, I wouldn't know anything else to say about it unless you could

give me more biological facts about beavers.

Oh, do you want, do you want some more facts? Double little quick, little fun facts?

Why wouldn't I?

Okay, okay, hold on.

You don't have to.

No, no, no, no, no, no. These are.

Trickle them out and you know, you're just.

No, no, I was, I wasn't, I wasn't, but I was. So these were listed under the Goofs Factual errors. At several points, characters use castor oil instead of castoreum. Castorium is a musky substance that beavers produce to mark their territory. Castor oil is product of castor bean and is unrelated beavers.

God, I hope someone got fired for that.

What a huge error.

Huge whiff. Just a whiff.

Also, beavers, they tend to poop in the water and their feces resemble sawdust and wood chips.

It was very inaccurate in this yeah.

Yeah.

Huh. I was really disappointed by the beaver feces in this film.

Yeah. It was too perfect in shape.

Yeah. Not. Not dusty enough for my taste.

No.

But really good accuracy when pooping while swinging.

That's true.

Yeah.

Which beavers are good at that, so it makes sense.

Well, I mean, they have the tail.

They do.

It's like a baseball bat. Yeah.

Oh, that too. I was more of like a. I was thinking more like the. The high alive glove thing over there. They curl it like. You know, some people can curl their tongue. I can't but imagine a beaver curling its tail, catching the poop and then flinging it.

Yeah, that's right.

That's how I envisioned it.

I bet they do that.

I bet you they do. I would if I could. If I could curl my tongue, I'd fling poop all the time.

Oh, the two things are related at all. But sure.

I mean, thank God he doesn't. He's not able to. But if he could, he would.

Thank God

Derek would be getting into. If he could just curl his tongue.

Oh, there you go.

I.

You know what? I thought I was close. Wasn't close enough, so I gave you.

Damn it. That's even closer than I could imagine.

Yeah. I don't think I can get any closer.

Two bloopers. Oh, my God.

That's pretty good.

Moment of silence for the bloopers. All right. I guess we should talk about our experience with hundreds of beavers.

We should probably. It's kind of. While we're here.

I think it's time.

I think it's time the lawyers. I think the lawyers make a sign that sheet every single week too that says, you will talk about these and

we'll talk about it after our patent pending Fumblers deep dive. So this movie has elements that. That I love.

I know. It's one of the reasons I pick

it is like a convergence of things. Foley work out, though. There's. There's 1 hour and 48 minutes of Foley work in this.

Yeah. No dialogue. Hardly at all.

No dialogue except for pardon and like some songs. So a couple songs. The rest is all done after the fact. It's like a Hong Kong movie. Yeah.

Basically everything.

It's a spiritual connection to the Shaw Brothers Monthly.

It is. It's got a bit of a shot. And there's also. Besides the hour and 48 minutes of fully work, they did a gag that I've often talked about.

Why.

Why don't people do this anymore? Where they throw the dummy and then do like a flash cut back to like a. Like the dummies laying there and all of a sudden it gets up because it's a person in there. I love that.

Like the lifeless sack.

Just a lifeless sa around bouncing off walls. They did it with beavers. They did it with. What's his name? Jean.

Jean Kayak.

Jean Kayak bounced off some walls a couple times. I love that as a gig.

Yeah, that's pretty funny.

I enjoyed. I enjoyed watching this movie, but it.

And.

And as soon as it started, I was like, Derek is gonna love this. The, you know, especially the Foley work. I was like, is there anybody from Star wars or NE Jones? No, but. Okay. I think he'll be on board with this.

Unless the beavers are like.

Yeah, they are. Yeah, they are.

Ford could have been underneath one of those beaver costumes.

Like, Daniel Craig is a stormtrooper. Yeah, he could have been a beaver, too.

Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher and, you know, whatever that guy's name is. Harrison Ford, all in there together.

Yeah.

Here's the Ford. Yeah. Peter Mayhew.

He's one of the taller beavers.

Yep.

There are many parts of this movie that it's. It's a live action, like, Looney Tunes cartoon.

Yes.

There are lots of things. Lots of moments that I really enjoyed in this movie.

Yes.

Just sight gags. Lots of them. But

this.

But yeah, it's just way too slow.

It's too long.

It's way too long.

No reason for this to be an hour and 48 minute.

There's no reason for this to be over 30 minutes.

Well, okay.

But there is. So there's lots of little video gamey moments, like nods to video games. I enjoyed lots of great sight gags. However, the rule of three does not. Is not known to these filmmakers.

It seems like every stunt that they do, they do one time more than they should.

Yes.

Each time.

And it's at least one time, sometimes six to 10.

You know, like when he's trying to get the. He's trying to get the woodpecker eggs and he goes and he just whistles every time and falls onto those little burr things.

They did that whistle gag quite a bit, but the burrs, as he climbed up the tree was funny because he's leaving a trail of burrs and then he came back down across the burrs. I like that. That's funny. But the fact that that whole thing took what felt like 20 minutes was probably like four is just. It was too long.

Yeah. I was. I was watching the. I started watching this movie and I was like, all Right. I'm gonna jump on the treadmill for a while.

Oh, man, I lost like 45 pounds watching this movie.

Well, and then I paused it when I was getting. I was gonna get off. And I. When I started, because I was watching on Amazon, so they pitched me a whole bunch of. There's like three minutes, four minutes of commercials to start while I was going. And all a sudden I, you know, so I was like, oh, let me see where I'm at on this and where I was. Because I was going to do 30 minutes on the treadmill and I paused.

I'm like, wait a minute.

I'm only 24 minutes in this movie.

Yeah.

Like, oh, God. And, you know, and we hadn't even got to the. The second song and the actual, you know, the credits and all to pop into the movie, which also threw me off a little bit when they started doing it. I'm like, wait a minute, didn't we see these? I forgot that we hadn't seen them. With the original part, it's a little.

I feel like a lot of it is funny, but it's just like overload. So that's what the problem is, is, like, I feel like the, you know, like with those Looney Tunes like, shorts and stuff, they're short. Like, they're not like a full length thing, you know, this is a little bite size, which I feel like that would. This would do better with a more condensed. Yeah. Like, you could even make this like a like 30 minute trilogy, you know, trilogy. Almost like 30 minutes of one story, 30 minutes of this middle part of the story, and the 30 minutes of the end story. Like, in you would. It would be perfect. But yeah, it's like, I think I just get a little exhausted towards the end. Like, it's still funny, but it's just like I start to get, like, lose my patience a little bit with it after a while.

The last, like 10 minutes of it is absolute bonkers. Like, there's a rocket they're sending off. There's a giant Kaiju made of beavers.

The best part of this movie is the back third.

Yeah, but it's like.

But it's still like, it just.

Yeah, the overall ridiculousness that they continue to push and push and you're like, oh, my God, like, how much more stuff can they come up with? Yeah, they got a whole. The whole scene with the. From our opening clip. For those that couldn't tell what was going on, he's going. They put him on trial.

Yep. There's Sherlock Holmes and John Watson Beavers. Yeah. So the whole motivation of Trapper Guy. I can't remember his name. Trapper John, M.D.

yep.

Is to get hundreds of beavers.

Trapper John.

Trapper John, Maryland. Hundreds of beavers. So he could get the wedding ring from the shop to marry the shopkeeper's daughter. Who was sneaky hot, Right.

Yep.

When he gets the hundreds of beavers and rolls the big ball of beaver pelts to the fake the trap set up by Sherlock holmes. There's still 30 minutes left in the movie.

But that's still a funny part, though.

It is. But there's still 30 minutes left from there. I'm just like, holy smokes. Because he's captured by the beavers. Whatever he escapes from infiltrates. Infiltrates the beavers, finds the beaver rocket, goes to beaver court, gets caught up in the beaver log flume chase.

He rips the skeleton out of a beaver at one point.

That was.

That was fun too. I like that.

A human skeleton.

Yeah.

So funny.

Yeah. The fact that. That the skeleton didn't at least have the big beaver buck teeth. I was like, okay, that's. It's just silly that it said lots

of funny ideas and side gags.

Loved him or the other guy who, like that they had killed off earlier. The guy who was like a Santa

Claus type looking guy just ended up being like a. Yeah.

I mean, what shows up and they're like, what? And then he just unzips Dracula. Yeah.

Did pull a trick.

Yeah, he did. Yeah.

Stole his skin. But they didn't dig that guy out.

Dracula beaver.

They should have had that.

They should have.

They could have added another 30 minutes to this film with Dracula beaver and

then you'd be fine with it.

I'd still be watching it, though. That's the thing. I. I got done watching this at like five minutes to nine. I was just like, gee, boss, this thing took forever.

Yeah. I split. I split it into two halves. I did some, you know, I was doing stuff, working on stuff, and then I had to go run some errands and I came back and finished watching it like you said, especially the last third. Like, the second half moves along a lot faster. And Terry, you mentioned something about like, it could have been done in like a kind of like a trilogy type setup. That first, you know, 33 minutes before they give you the second song and all the credits is. Seems like that is one of those like.

Yeah.

First like things. Because it's. How did he get to this point in the first place of.

Yep.

You know, losing his applejack Farm and distillery. And then he's trying to like, you know, live in the wilderness until he finds those people.

Yeah. I think my favorite part is the first chunk of it. When he's trying to figure out how to survive outside. I like that the best. Maybe I was getting tired of the movie towards the end. I like the, like, I think that middle. Middle section is the most boring when he's like hanging out with Santa Claus and like.

Yeah.

Fighting the wolves and stuff.

Because that's. Because that's one of those things that it seems to go on too long. Like there's five dogs and they're taking that away. And I guess, like, if you're paying attention, like every. So they have. The dogs are playing poker at night.

Yeah.

And every time, like they lose a dog, the next day they're playing another game. And the game changes a little bit based on how many people are there. All the way to the last guy. The last dog's just playing solitaire.

I didn't notice that. There were lots. There are lots of moments where my eyes crossed and I just sat there and stared at the screen. And it's not because I was. It wasn't good. I just. It's like I was wanting the next thing to happen to move the story

along because it's not a very narrative heavy movie. Which I know the problem is, like, it feels so tedious is because you're just watching physical comedy for like 90 minutes. And I mean, it's like. It's funny, but it's like it just. It's a mod the same over and over again.

He's doing chores.

Yeah. He's learning how to like survive in the first like 30 minutes. And he doesn't do a very good job of it. The Santa Claus type guy takes him in, basically shows them all stuff and we see all him learn all these things. And then he follows it up with the. Where he's going out and trying to do it all himself.

And he's bad at that too.

And he's has to. And he's like still learning how to do all the things. And he has to reset every trap like two or three times he's going through. And he's making up his new little route that he goes on. And so we go through the whole route like several times as well. I'm like, yeah. That. You just need to speed that up a little bit.

Yeah. It's not until he levels up at the shop a couple times and gets the gun. By the time he gets the gun, it's just like a video game. He's. He's efficient at everything.

Yeah.

He's catching beavers left and right.

Except for one beaver.

Okay, Keith.

Jeez. Us, man. That's what you do. You. You were. You've been waiting for that all day.

No, he caught hundreds of beavers, but

he couldn't get the one beaver that mattered.

No, I actually just saw that now.

No, sure.

Wow. This is a family friendly podcast.

It is there. There is a moment in I. I cackled at this moment when the Santa Claus dies and he buries him and he gets the two. Two sticks together and he chews together a crucifix.

Yeah,

that was funny. I like that.

I also. And it takes a little while to get the payoff and it's part of the opening clip, but it's a visual thing so people, you have to go and actually watch the movie. But like, they keep showing like these weird setups in. In the snow. And the Sherlock Holmes and Watson guys keep finding these like weird looking like, like almost like snow angel type things from where he had things like stacked up. And I love that at the end when they. They're in the court case and the lawyer one is running through showing those pictures of different stuff and it's like they think they're making. He's making like these weird Frankenstein beaver. Frankenstein type beaver.

Like a Fantastic Four superhero or super villain group.

Yeah, like robot beavers.

There's lots of funny things in this. I kind of feel like Terry felt when watching the original Naked Gun.

Yes.

This is a generational comedy.

No. That it was just overload of the same thing over and over again. Where it. Where unlike the Naked Gun, which is a gem and possibly one of the greatest com ever created, but not something

that's not see, not something to watch before you Fumble has lots, lots of

funny ideas and funny visuals and lots of great audio work. But as a collective, it was just a lot. It was a lot.

Do you think it would be different if there was actually dialogue in the movie? Like, and not just, you know, quiet and you know, nothing going on except for the fully work type stuff throughout the thing. Do you think it would have changed a little bit if there was some dialogue?

I don't mind the silent nature or the. The dialog list dialog lessness of it. It's just that, that first 60 minutes, it's just unnecessary. Like the fact that you said he's an apple jack salesman or whatever. It don't matter.

It's the whole opening song and Everything.

But it don't matter. Like, what's the point of it

all?

Yeah, yeah. That's why he's out of, he's out on his ass because he actually blew up the place. Okay.

I feel like the, I don't know. I think that the, the silent nature is actually kind of a. What makes it kind of interesting a lot. Like the, the unique style, like, because you don't really see a lot of movies like this where they try to do the Looney Tunes esque style of comedy.

Wally Coyote and whatnot.

Yeah. And it's like entirely in black and white, you know, like, it's got this just old school, like it's going for that old school style. So I think that the silent film works and I think the, the main actor does a really good job like with his facial expressions and like selling the physical comedy as well. Like, I don't think they need dialogue. I think they just needed to find a way to like tighten it up. So.

Tighten it up. Yeah.

So it's not just not so exhausting after a while.

Yes. Most of the story probably could have been done in as a short, you know, 30, maybe 40 minute thing, but at, you know, at most, and you know, I. At least 15, maybe 20 minutes to take out this. Yeah, I mean they easily could have came in Right. At an hour 30.

That have been okay with me.

Wish they would have come in at an hour 30 on the nose with credits both front and back.

Yep. I think it's, it's still cool. Like, it's not. I don't think it's a bad movie. No, I think it's actually pretty good. I think the, the, the effects are really cool in this too because, you know, like, it's a low budget movie, but they still managed to do a whole lot with the, the style and the, the funny gags. Even though you can tell, like the budget's very lacking. Yeah, it's, it's. Some of the stuff they do is just, it makes it even more funny just seeing like the cheap, you know, mascot beaver suits and stuff running. Not that cheap, I guess.

Well, I mean, especially if you think about, I mean like they have. It says there's only one raccoon costume, there's only one wolf costume. The wolf itself. I, There's a time when like, I think there's like five of them standing next to each other. Never once do I ever think that there's only one actual real wolf there that they've had to repeat.

Yeah.

Over and over again. So it Looks really good.

And so there was a point where there's lots of beavers at the end and they're kind of all in a room. I think they got a bunch of people to be beavers. That's pretty cool. That was my first thought. For real?

Yeah. They pulled it off like the lowest. The small scale crew and cast. Like they still were able to like get the scale they wanted, I feel like. Which is cool.

They know who, they know what they were trying to do. They weren't trying to be anything that they, they weren't right. They, they were going out to like make an Oscar winning movie. They're going to make a fun movie that's goofy and has some fun. They probably had a blast making it. They probably laughed the entire time they put it together.

Oh yeah.

You know, it's just, for me it's just a little too long.

That's all I'm looking through here. There's like 16 or 17 people listed as mascots that play the mascots in this movie. I, I was looking to look this up real quick because I was like, well, wait a minute. There were six beavers. Were five dogs. The five dogs also the six beavers. Because they're never really seen together.

That's a good point. You never see beavers and dogs together.

So like in real life, do you ever see beavers and dogs together? Are beavers just little dogs or are dogs beavers?

Are beavers just in a big cost, like a dog costume.

I like the idea that beavers and dogs are just the same creature and we just, we just don't know it.

Mankind just has a figure upstairs.

I didn't know.

Keep wondering why all your furniture is getting gnawed on up. Yeah, there's a dam in the bathtub.

Why?

You have a pet beaver and it keeps building a dam in your bathtub? That'd be great.

It's a dog. It's not a beaver.

Well, you think it's a dog, but really it's a beaver in a dog costume.

I think this is time to reveal one of my. In college I had a beaver related project I worked on.

Did you?

Yeah, I did. So at my, at my college there was like this little creek right next to the media studies building, which is where I got my major. And there were these trees that like to me looked like they were like gnawed on, you know, like something chewed on them. So I was like, logically, me and my friend were like, there must be a beaver living in the creek. And no one believe Me, we were like, the laughingstock. We're getting laughed out of college.

People were laughing at you.

They were acting like this was the most ridiculous thing you could ever heard, you know? Yeah. I'm like, whatever. So me and this guy, we. We read that beavers are semi nocturnal.

So.

Okay.

We did this for a class project too. Like, we did like, it was like a. A news story, fake news story. We went out there with the camera, and he was like our host. And we went and tried to investigate the beaver, find a beat, get a beaver sighting. And so we go out there. It's like the dead and night. It's probably like midnight. And we're just out there hanging out in the creek. I'm just getting footage. And we hear like a slap. And then, like, the water goes flying everywhere. I was like, oh, my God. It was the beaver smacking his tail

in the water to scare you off.

We never really got a good look of it, but, I mean, what else could it have been?

Beaver Squatch.

And then we take it back, show the footage, because we got, like, the sound of the water smacking and we got like the water kind of like rippling after it got hit. Nobody. But they're like, you do. Threw a rock in the water, didn't you? It's like nobody still believed us.

Beavers slap their tails on the water primarily as a warning signal to other beavers when they detect danger, such as predators or. Drumroll, please. Humans.

News reporters. Yeah, news.

Yeah, kids trying to make a story about beavers.

At midnight, that beaver smacked his tail, warning all the other beavers.

The fact you're out there at midnight trying to catch a beaver on film.

Huh?

That's.

That's something.

A previous generation, if this were like, if Derek and I would have done this, you know, somebody would walked up to us after presenting him and like, nice beaver.

Oh, yeah. You think they would have. They'd have referenced.

Would we have caught a beaver? Is that what you're suggesting?

No.

If we would have done the same video thing here and maybe we, you know, you know, we take a camera out there. We're suggesting it's the beaver.

Are you saying maybe?

So there'd be some there. There'd be some people who still think that maybe a rock was thrown. But, Derek, I'm saying our generation, at least somebody else would have walked up and been like, nice beaver.

Are you suggesting that I would have been bitten by a beaver and turned into a beaver, man?

I think that's what he's suggesting.

I'm Suggesting that somebody would have walked up, said, said, nice beaver, and you would have said, thanks. I just had it stuffed and moved on.

Yeah, because you just ate it.

I caught a beaver and stuffed it on site.

You caught the beaver, captured it, brought it. You brought hard proof of this beaver

and this must killed beaver and stuffed it on site.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think that's what you did.

Wow. Well, that's not what we did because we. We, me and my friend, we, like, had. We believe in the sanctity of beavers, but we found proof. Nobody believed us. And then I think I heard, like,

I still don't believe you. I'll be honest with you.

You found proof of beaver and nobody bought the beaver tail.

Nobody bought the beaver. Yeah. They all thought I threw a rock.

Yeah.

And then I heard a few months later that someone actually ran over a beaver, so.

Oh, my God. A singular beaver.

I think it was just one. I think it might have been just one. It was sad. Yeah. I was, like, solved.

Should have done that in the first place there.

Drove your car to the creek river or whatever it was.

If no one's gonna believe me, then I'm gonna make sure you don't exist at all. This is your fault.

You made me do this beaver.

If you just gotten out of the river and come on camera, this wouldn't be a problem.

Yep.

You can cut out that whole story if you want.

No, I'm glad you brought that to light, Terry, because we would have never known about.

No, I mean, it really. It really connects. Puts a connection. A personal connection to it.

Yeah. Doesn't add a little more.

You got vulnerable. I mean, that's the thing that goes on around here.

Now you understand me a little bit better.

No, I don't bet. But, you know.

Well, all right.

I bet you think about it every once in a while.

I do.

I am still a little out of you.

I was a little annoyed. Nobody believed me. Even when I got footage and sound of the beaver and we even, like, looked it up. Yeah. Smacks his tail.

Beavers do.

And what else was chewing on the trees?

Woodchuck, possibly. But woodchucks don't chuck wood because the whole. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

They can't physically.

Physically can't chuck wood.

And they probably can't chuck their poop either, the way that it'd be.

Oh, no, girl, I bet they can.

I don't even think woodchucks have a

tail like, that's, like, longer, like a Skinny tail.

It's hairy. Yeah.

Ugh. I'd rather have a beaver tail.

Yeah. Like a platypus. I'd rather have a platypus tail. Like a beaver.

Well, beavers and platypus. Are. Are they related? Probably.

No, they're not.

No.

Well, I mean, platypuses only exist in Australia, I believe.

Yep.

So you're telling me nature came up with a beaver tail twice?

Yes. I am telling you that platypuses also lay eggs and they're mammals.

What?

What the heck?

That platypus was kind of just like the. The testing ground for a lot of different things, I think.

Yes.

And then they were like, okay, beaver tail goes on beaver. Obviously. You know, eggs go for reptiles and birds. Yep.

And they. They're venomous as well.

Okay. So snakes can have that.

They have sharp hollow spurs on their hind legs. Venom glands used primarily to fight other males during mating season. The humans. The venom causes immediate, excruciating and long lasting pain that is resistant to standard painkillers. Wow.

Yeah.

It will still hurt if he gets you.

Yeah. And painkiller won't stop the pain.

That's scary.

It'll stop you from trying to hook up with a platypus.

Well, yeah. Well, male.

One particular. I'll say. There are a lot of things that are stopping me from doing that, but that doesn't help.

Yeah. That is definitely a deterrent.

There's a few different things.

Not the number one deterrent, but it's top five.

I'd say it's in the top five. Yeah. There's several reasons.

Except my mouth is.

Why not to mate with a platypus? Yeah.

Yes. Why not to get busy with platypus?

With a male platypus?

Yes. Or what if you take a male platypus, like best girl.

Yeah. And then he comes at you, he

comes after you with one of those spurs.

Yeah.

You don't wanna.

You get slapped with the tail, you get hit with the spur.

Get packed.

That's. That's two things right there.

So here's the deal, right? Like, he had a. He had a hard day at work. You're like, you just want to drink. So you go to a place like, I've never gone to this place before, but I'm gonna check it out. It turns out it's a platypus bar. And just sitting there, you're having a few drinks and there you notice a female platypus sitting there by herself. And you get friendly conversation. And then in walks her boyfriend.

Oh, he's got the big tail.

Is over.

Yeah. Like, you're not hitting on her. No. You're just being. She's a female. She's. We're different species.

It's not. Nothing's gonna happen.

What I love. What I love here is that Terry's like, he walks in with the big spurs on. Now I'm picturing him with cowboy boots.

Well, he does have cowboy boots on. And spurs as platypus wear. But underneath the boots, he takes his boots off, there's the venomous spurs.

Oh, they're like sheaths. The spurs on the cowboy.

He's got to take the shoes off first.

You. Yeah. As soon as he's talking to his girl, he's ripping those shoes off. Slamming his foot on the bar right next to him, being like, hey, what are you doing?

You hear him? Clomp, ching, clomp, ching, clump. He comes walking, and he's like, oh, no, it's. It's Bobby.

You look around, you don't see him at first. You look down, there's a little tiny blob. It's looking up.

Hey, pal, you got a problem? He hops up on the bar. I don't know why a platypus bar would have a really tall bar.

You have to actually give him a boost. You have to give him a boost up there real quick.

I just never been here before. I just wanted to drink. I've had a rough day, buddy. And she was there. Just make a friendly conversation to pass the time. That's the thing about male platypuses. They are very toxic.

They're so toxic. Masculinity, toxic and venomous.

Wow.

It can't get much worse than that.

And their favorite Britney Spears song, toxic Baby, hit me one more time.

Of course it is. Yeah.

I mean, it's her. It's her first, right? That's what everybody remembers her.

Here's another question for you guys, okay? If you had to fight a hundred of any animal, what would it be?

Oh, it definitely wouldn't be platypi. No. Or beavers.

No, I. Watching this, I know I would lose against the beavers.

I think I would go against something I know I could destroy. Right? Okay, so what is there something in it for me? Like. Like, if I win within, like, a

minute, like, oh, here's what I think. If it was like, you. You're just dropped into, like, a gladiatorial room.

Like, gladiatorial.

And it's like, live or die. Like, these are, like, Bloodlusted animals, they want to kill you, and so you have to survive.

There's. There's a. There's a guy up in, like a little seing area. He's got his thumb up, and he turns it pointing down and like. Oh, God. Now I got to take on these.

I got to fight 100 of something.

Yes.

It's got. It's got to be. It can't be like something small, like a slug. Right. We're talking about something bigger.

It could be anything. 100. Anything. 100 animals. I'm going earthworms.

Whether earth or gym. I mean, that might be a little problem.

Yeah. There's only one earthworm, Jim.

Though I'm glad you were specific about earthworms and not dune worms.

Yeah. Shy. Halludes. 100 shy, please.

I think I could take a sh.

Why not?

I'm gonna say. I'll say 100 sloths.

Oh, that's smart.

I wouldn't just.

They're just so slow.

But they got them long claws. If there's a hundred, they're getting cornery.

100 anything is a lot. And that's a mammal.

Meerkats. Meerkats, okay.

Oh, I don't know about meerkats either, man. They're like little fast gophers.

Yeah. But if I get a hold of my. Just punt them,

they could bite like an earthworm. See, for me, like an earthworm. Unless. Oh, Christ. It's like the Fantasia rules where you cut one in half and it becomes two.

It's like a hydra.

I didn't think of that. Oh, no. I gotta rethink my position.

Yeah.

Cool. That's like. By the time you. You've sliced one in half and you can move to the 9, the 99 left, the other one's got time to regenerate, and then you have. Suddenly you've got like 200 worms.

Yeah, exactly.

And then you trip and they go like up your nose or something like that.

Yeah.

Oh, you. Yeah. They're just waiting. Eventually will trip.

They aerate the ground underneath me, and I crash through to some subterranean world.

Yeah. I forgot to mention, they do have prep time. Time.

Any animal gets prep time. But you're dropped in knowingly.

Yeah.

What about you, Terry? What are your 100 animals?

If I had to fight 100 animals, I'd probably have to take on. I don't know why my brain's saying spiders, because I would hate that. I'm not going to fight 100 spiders. That's horrible. But some sort of bug yeah, some sort of bug would be good, I think.

Why a bug, man?

I mean, they might be hard, though, to kill them if they're fast.

Like a hundred dung beetles.

Oh.

You know, rolling their giant pal. The giant balls.

All right, so I'm gonna get a little vulnerable here. Tell you about. Okay, happened to me earlier today. I went out with dunk beetles. No, I went outside to go mow my lawn today.

Huh.

And I lasted about five minutes because gnats were just. Oh, yeah, they were. They were dive bombing me.

Getting in your eyes and your ears.

I got one in my eye. I got my one in my eye on. On Friday. Oh, I got right in the little tear duct. So I had to come in and, like, pluck it out and,

like, burrow in.

No, it didn't burrow in too far, but it was stuck there.

See, now that's like in Wrath of Khan, when they put that earwig in.

Oh, God.

Now that terrified me as a child.

That still terrifies me.

Terry, have you ever seen the Wrath of Khan?

I haven't. I have not.

So there's a moment I like. I hate that this is a spoiler, but it is a bit of a. The movie's almost 50 years old. So Khan puts this little bug into the ear of. I can't remember who, from the Enterprise crew. All I know is it comes out the other ear with a trail of blood and the guy falls to the ground.

Oh, God.

It. As a child, I was mortified by it.

That is horrific. That's horrific. I think I'd probably find a koalas or something. I think I could take 100 koalas.

No, you can't.

They have syphilis.

Oh, yeah. I'm gonna get infected if I fight them. Probably. I just was kind of thinking the slow lethargic. But if they're just, like dropping out of the sky on me, I probably would lose. I don't know if I could take any 100 animals in a fight. I don't know.

Koalas are generally docile, sedentary animals, but can be dangerous if threatened, cornered or during mating season.

Well, if it's mating season, if they've got prep time, you know, it's mating season, maybe goldfish. I'd fight a bunch of goldfish.

Oh, yeah, because they'll never remember anyhow.

Yeah, they'll forget their objective. I'll become king of the goldfish.

Have you ever seen those giant koi, though, Terry? The goldfish?

The giant ones?

Yeah.

How big could they be?

Because goldfish are basically carp. And they will just grow to the size of their surroundings pretty much. So if you allow them to get really big, they'll get really big.

And if they got prep time, they're gonna get big in that gladiatorial stadium. That's true.

Like, and they fill it with water just like they did in Gladiator 2. Yeah. Oh, they're gonna be giants.

I'm gonna share an image of a 67 pound goldfish.

Oh, that's horrifying.

Yeah. Imagine a hundred of those coming at you.

Yeah, that thing would wreck me. Yeah. I don't know if I'd fight goldfish. Maybe like. Maybe like guinea pigs. I think I could take guinea pigs. How about that? That seems fair.

Armadillo.

Oh, armadillos are venomous too, I think.

Okay. Everything is.

They have. They have leprosy.

Yes.

But they rope in those little balls and you just.

They're impervious.

Wild nine banded armadillos in southern US And Brazil naturally carry and can transmit Mycobacterium lepre, the bacteria causing leprosy.

Okay, now I'll explain why I know this, why I knew this up front,

because this will be interesting.

Well, so down here, I mean, there's a lot of armadillo, but.

Yep.

Like 85% of the time when I see them, they're like, they're dead. They've been hit by a car.

Yep.

So I was taking my kids to school one time, I dropped them off. I was on my way back home, and there was a armadillo walking right through the middle of the road.

And you ran it over?

No, I slowed down and stopped.

But somebody else ran it over?

Yep, went right over it.

Oh.

I proceeded to drive up to the gas station, got a box, came back, picked it up, got it into the box, and then took it to our local animal sanctuary place, See if they could help it. It had been cracked open. They're like, yeah, we'll take a look. But once they get cracked open, you can't do that for some reason. I think maybe I posted a picture on Facebook or something and my aunt chime, like, messaged me. She's like, you know those things have leprosy, right? I'm like, God damn. What? No, I don't know these things. Wow.

I'm glad you didn't get leprosy.

Yeah, me too. I think. I think you're gonna take an RFK Jr turn there, and they put it in the trunk and took it home and eat it. Ate it?

No, no.

Like, with that bear and then dropped it off at the park. What? So RFK Jr. Right. Remember, like, unprompted, tells the story on the Roseanne Bar podcast about how he hit a bear with his car or found a bear dead on the side of the road, stopped, put in his trunk. Right. And in somewhere, yada, yada, yada, Dropped it off at Central Park.

He dropped off at Central Park. A bear?

Yes, a baby bear. Now, here's the thing, if you don't know this about RFK Jr. He has a brain worm, remember? This is the thing that he's. Yes, I have a brain. You know what is one of the leading causes of brain worm parasites and human beings eating properly cooked bear meat.

Really?

Bear meat?

Specifically, yes.

Wow. Well, well, well.

So you. If you get the board and you put the pin in the dead bear and Pin in the brain, where it's a very short distance to draw to Brit that red. That red yarn between the two of them.

So you're saying he didn't drop it off in Central Park?

I. I'm saying that he has in the past eaten bear meat that he

just found on the side of the road.

And it could have been that bear. It could have been previous bears. And he was going to do it. He got home, his wife's like, get that bear out of here. It's like, fine. So he dropped it off in Central Park.

Why would you.

Why? I don't know. The man is. Suffers from brainworm one, but two, he's. He's insane. They're all insane.

You think the brain worm was like, telling him, like, hey, pull over. You see that? Hey, my buddy lives there. Hey, pull over.

He's got a brain worm that just controls him. It's possible. Very. I mean, it would make sense.

I honestly, I'd say it's 50. 50.

And once you get it once, then you need to have more bear meat in the first place.

Yeah, exactly.

Otherwise.

Otherwise it can't continue to live in your brain.

Yeah, it craves feeding a bear. Yeah.

Well, that's interesting. I don't think I could take a hundred bears or 100 brain worms in a fight.

I know I can't take a hundred bears. I could probably take. Now are. If you fighting 100 brain worms, are they in your brain or are they just like.

The gladiatorial arena is your brain?

They're just trying to get there.

I lose that one too. Unless it's like that episode of Futurama where Fry eats a truck stop egg salad sandwich and then gets worms that turn him into like a super smart, super muscular hero.

Yeah, that's true. As I'm just eating a bunch of worms and like seeing if it helps get.

Get parasites that actually are good for you.

Merman.

I want to be word man.

Think about perks.

That's the thing. He's in the new masters universe.

The thing about the perks about being a war man. Not only are you super smart and hamstring, but you get like 15% off at most places. Get the veterans. Veterans, senior citizen and worm and discount.

Oh, the worm man discount. Yeah.

You have to prove you're a worm man. You have to be a card carrying worm man.

Yeah. It's hard to tell just looking at somebody if they're a worm man or not.

You have 15% off at Denny's.

Worth it. Yeah.

That's where you got the worms in the first place. Probably. There goes our Denny's sponsorship.

The special coming in hot special. Bear meat special that they had.

Oh, we're still talking brain worms. I'm just talking about general parasites, like tapeworms and stuff.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's definitely some. There's definitely some parasites at Denny's. Yes, I agree.

That's just the customers.

Oh, nice.

They used to be. Used to be a. Oh, was it. Was the buffet place Golden Corral or. No, Old Country Buffet.

Old Country Buffet, yeah.

And right next to it was the Bally's.

Always.

Yeah.

Most mass population fitness places like that, like Bailey's and Planet Fitness usually have food places next to them. It's weird.

Just like a reminder.

Just like a reminder. It's like, like.

I think the Old Country Buffet was like the craziest option to have right next to a work.

For sure. For sure. Imagine Old Country Buffet and me are not friends. That's just like fat. And what's the Golden Corral like?

Those places just like. Oh, yuck, I've been to one in so long.

There's nothing good in there. Or what was.

Growing up, buffets used to be irregular for me and I don't think I've ever taken my kids to a buffet.

Ponderosa Steakhouse. Remember that?

Oh, yeah. Sizzler.

Did Sizzler have a buffet? I could remember.

I know one had the salad bar thing because you could get like the, like a baked potato up on their. Up on the bar and like load it with cheese, stuff like that.

Yeah. Terry, do you know what a Ponderosa Steakhouse is?

I assume it's some sort of steakhouse.

Well, steakhouse air quotes. You Walk in. And so you walk in, you go down. Every Pondero Steakhouse is identical. You walk down this hallway. It's all, like, wood paneling. And then you get there, and then you order at the counter, and then on up there is the menu like a fast food restaurant. But it's steaks. Right.

So how many options could there be?

Yeah. So I mean, you got the sirloin and the. The sirloin. Yeah, like a T bone. Right. So they're all up there, different steaks, and you get different meals. And then. So you order there like, you would stand in line, order it, and they'll. They'll bring it to you. But the thing about Pondero Steakhouse is there was, like, a salad bar and a hot bar that you could indulge on.

Yeah.

And if you got the steak, you got access to those things. Or you could just buy access to those things and avoid the steak altogether, which either way is fine.

Yeah, I think they had, like, these. They had. Yeah, that's. Then that's the one thing I'm not. A Sizzler is so Ponderosa. Then you would go through and they would have baked potatoes that are sitting on, like, a heat lamp for a long time.

Yep.

But if you nacho cracked them open, you put nacho cheese on them, they were still spaghetti.

There's always spaghetti, chocolate pudding. All the classics were there available to your French fries.

Nice.

Yeah. Yeah. Boy, in the. In the 80s, that was a thing to do. I don't know why. I just remember being a kid and going there and thinking it was cool. But now as an adult, I look back on it, I'm like, my parents were the best parents ever, because they did that. My parents took me to a Ponderosa. Oh, my God. There's no way they enjoyed that.

Different time.

And my dad. My dad had a rotation of places we went to.

Man. The sacrifice. And he had endure.

And then at some point in time, it switched to nice steakhouses.

And when your dad got older and financially stable.

Exactly. And all of a sudden, huh. Now we're going off for steaks. Okay.

Yeah, no, no more mall buffet. I think there's a few Ponderosas still left. And the thing about the Ponderosa is, you know what they're based upon?

What?

Bonanza. Because that was the name of show. Yes.

Really?

Yes. There used to be Bonanza Steakhouses and Ponderosa Steakhouses, and they were identical. They were the same thing. I just depended on what part of the country you're in. It was like a spin off of The TV show. Wow.

I don't think any of that outlived the TV show.

I'll live the TV show and the stars. And I think there's still a few left in the world. Ponderosa Steakhouses.

It'll be a sad day when these. Those all blip out.

Vegas location of Wisconsin Dells. Oh, we were there last summer. Maybe we should have gone to Ponderosa.

I'm gonna go back.

You might be the first person to show up at that thing in 10 years.

And they're still open.

They've been waiting.

They're refreshing the buffet every day.

2.9000 reviews. 3 and a half stars.

That's pretty good.

It is pretty good for like a. You know, for a fast food, convenient restaurant. It's got its own website. Ponderosa Dells.

I think it. I think it should be a. Another pilgrimage you should make for the show.

A pilgrimage? Yes, I should. Maybe I should go.

On your way to Eau Claire, you go through there, right?

Yeah.

Could you record from the Ponderosa?

I probably could. Oh my God.

They were serving back then.

Surprised.

They're only open four hours a day, basically. Wow.

Well, pe. They're open for the peak hours,

four

to eight every day. Concentrated people waiting in line to get in.

I'm guessing. I'm guessing most people come between 4 and between like 4:30 and 5:30 because it's all the blue hairs.

That's when they're open. I imagine most people come between 4 and 8 every day.

Between like 4:30 and 5:30 is probably when the most people show up even.

But it's the Dells. Have you ever been to the Dells, Keith? Terry, have you ever been to the Dells? Do you know what the Dells is?

Yeah, I've been. I've been to the Dells before.

Okay. It's the Wisconsin Dells.

Terry, do you know what the Dells are?

It's in a town called, I think, Wisconsin Dells.

Yes, it is.

It is the Midwest. It is the largest collection of water slides and water parks in the world.

Whoa.

But it's like a strip of that. Maybe they're like two or three roads with giant resorts with giant water parks and themes and roller coasters. And it's open year round because the water parks are indoors.

Yeah, that's kind of cool.

There's. I. I went for the first time this last summer. We have. We have friends and they're like, do you want to go to the Dells with us? I'm like, I guess. Never been. It Is wild. It is such an unhinged experience. It's. Imagine the worst of the Las Vegas strip and imagine the worst of Independence Drive in Florida. Have you been to I drive in Orlando, Florida? No, It's a road that's got nothing but hotels and, and like mystery spots and mini golf chain restaurants.

It's got the building that's upside down.

No, when I was a kid, we

would go on road trips and that was like my greatest pleasure was going to a mystery spot. What's a mystery spot, you ask? Well, it's a roadside attraction that has things like a corn maze and balls roll uphill and. And I'm not kidding.

Wait, what is it? Like you don't know what you're gonna get till you walk in?

No, it's like, it's like a weird anomaly in space time. It's a mystery spot, Terry.

This is like the back rooms or something.

It is, it's.

It's also a Ponderosa. It's a Ponderosa Steakhouse.

It's like short people are tall. Water rolls uphill, balls don't bounce.

It's like, wow, it could be anything.

Magnets work in reverse.

Like, I'm telling you, it's a magical place.

It was a man, just magnets work in reverse.

So you mean like you flip it over and it actually connects and then the, the normal side just pushes away?

Picture in your head the cheapest, most plywood, spray painted roadside attraction you can imagine with gumball machines and like, like, oh, remember, Remember those invisible dog leashes? Oh, yeah, invisible dog leash.

It was like. It was a leash that like, was like firm and at the end of it, they, they'd have a little collar so you could walk along with it and it would look like a little dog walking.

Oh, so the dog is invisible, not the leash?

Yes, it's an invisible dog leash.

I see. I thought they had like a dog there that you just like pretended to walk with the leash, but no, it's a leash. You pretending to walk a dog.

Terry, there's so much you missed in the 80s because you were just not born yet or.

Wow, what an exciting time, right?

You know what a pet rock is?

A mystery spot was on, like, not interstates, right? This is like old America, right? Pre interstate, like just tourist trap bs. But it was like in Michigan or Indiana or anywhere you were driving to, they had a mystery spot. I'm telling you, they were there and they were just like. When I was a kid, I was like, gotta go to a mystery spot. My dad's like, no, I'm like, we gotta go to a mystery spot. We went to a mystery spot one time, and you pay for this tour. And it was. It was in my mind as a child, was amazing. But looking back on it, man, I had good parents because they put up with. They took me to Ponderosa Steakhouse. At a mystery spot. They put up with some, man.

Wow, that's interesting.

Wow.

So is it kind of like. So, like, sometimes I'm driving around, I'll see, like, a sign for, like, the world's largest ball of yarn. Is that kind of the. The vibe?

But it's a mystery spot, but you

don't know what it is?

Like, it. No, it's like the Bermuda Triangle, but in the Midwest. You don't know what's gonna happen there, man. Anything's possible at a mystery spot.

Magnets might be reversed. You might get stabbed. You never know what's going to happen at the mystery spot.

You don't know which way is up anymore.

You walk in and the whole building has been built upside down. So there's tables around the ceiling.

Now there's places like that.

Have you.

It's called wonderworks, Terry. Have you ever been to that?

That's what I was thinking at first, Derek, when you mentioned that part of Orlando is.

Now. That's an I drive in Florida. Right. It's a building that's upside down. And you walk in and. And anything can happen there.

Like, anything.

Anything can happen. Like, they have an arcade and they have.

Okay, so far, a lot of crazy stuff could happen.

I'm envisioning, okay, weird little science experiments. What are those called, those. Those Tesla balls where you put your hand on it and electricity flows your fingers. There's those. There's a magic show and pizza dinner. You can do all sorts of things at wonderworks.

Interesting.

And the building is upside down.

Yes. I got a Wonderworks story if you want it.

Yeah, absolutely.

When I. When we lived in Orlando, my wife ran a movie theater in Altamont Springs. And there was a guy there, nicest guy ever. His name is Dewey. And he serviced the video games. Like, he would come in, take out all the quarters, give them their cut, and stuff like that. But he also serviced the games at wonderworks. And he. He was. He was an older guy, and he was. He was very fond of my wife. So he gave us tickets to wonderworks and tickets for the magic show. So we went one day, like, we didn't have kids. We could do whatever we wanted, like go to wonderworks. So we did. We Went to Wonderworks. We had free passes, went to the arcade. We got free tokens because he ran the video games. And then we went to this. This dinner, right? It was a pizza dinner in a magic show. Now, he had an in with the magicians and said, you have to select the person sitting in seat whatever, thinking my wife would be sitting there. Lo and behold. Who was sitting there?

Me.

I got pulled up on stage and I had to have a sword shoved through my throat and all. But lucky for them, I'm good at, like, acting, right? Like, I'll pretend like they're really hurting me. Like, do they have to ask? We had a vibe going on, right?

You were reading the room.

I was reading the room. People were loving it, right? Later on, we're playing arcade games, trying to chew up these, like, $50 worth of tokens. It's like, Jesus Christ, I guess I'll play Whack a Mole again, right? Like, just trying to get rid of tokens. And this guy came up to me, goes, your show was great. I said, pardon me. It's like you're part of the magic show, right? I'm like. I'm like, no, I'm just a dude here trying to heat up some tokens so I could turn tickets into some candy, right?

You thought you were, like, in on the act.

He thought I was part of the magic act. But so there. That has inspired me to where I am today.

Wow.

Did we do it, Boils?

Oh, God.

I think we might have. Yeah.

I'm sorry, hold on.

I think we got.

I think we did a few things here. This has been more than genre defining this this week.

Oh, my goodness.

This was like a, you know, like, this is like an ultra deep dive we did on this movie.

The thing about hundreds of beavers is to talk about hundreds of beavers is to just relive the visual gigs.

Yeah. You just could say, oh, this was funny. Oh, this was funny. Oh, this was funny. And describe it. But that's not really.

That's not fun at all.

No. And a lot of those could be experienced at a Ponderosa or Mystery Spot.

Oh, yeah.

If you can go to a Mystery Spot, do it, Terry.

I don't even know what to look for. Like, it's just like a big question mark. And like, yes,

yes. It's called Mystery Spot. Yeah.

Okay, well, next time I'm driving around, maybe I'll find one.

And it's not the Mystery Spot. I mean, if you go to Santa Cruz, fine, go to the Mystery Spot, but just find a Mystery spot. Now do you remember like going on vacation as a kid if you did, and. Or just going to a hotel and there's always that like.

Yes.

With all the pamphlets up front of pamphlets. What was always the mystery?

Guaranteed.

Yeah, you'll find a mystery spot. If you could do it in Florida. It's like, come watch alligators eat things and go to the mystery spot. Right? Like those are things you can't. You can't miss them.

Maybe I should go to my local hotel and just go to the local Motel 8.

Look, look for the Kansas City mystery Mystery spot. There's probably a lock picking convention.

There probably is. First every month. Thursday. First month. First Thursday of the month you can come to this random brewery and hang out.

Yep. Oh, for the love of God.

Still haven't done it. Actually, my chance could be coming up. I could go again.

Yeah.

No, no, I couldn't. The first one would have been last week. Dang it. I have to wait a whole month. Dang. Dang it.

Well, what did we think of hundreds of Beavers?

A little long, but I enjoyed it overall. I. It's very creative. It's silly. It's got some really fun stuff. It's got obviously excellent foley work and things like that. And yeah, it's a. And like we come up with some stuff. We're like, oh, that'd be so silly. But like, people come up with like crazy ideas for a film and then they get. Turn around and make them, which is kind of the whole theme of this month. And this is an exact. It's like a perfect version of that. It's just such a crazy movie.

Yeah, I liked it overall. I think it's just. Yeah, the pacing, it just has an issue because it's just a very, like, it's. It's funny, but it. I feel like if it was broken up into chunks, I would appreciate it more. It's just because it's just kind of gets a little overwhelming after a while just watching it. It's kind of. It just has such a strong vision and similar vibe throughout the whole film. That's like, okay, I kind of get the point of it. I. I kind of get the point of it. But it's a really impressive movie. Like they made it really well. It is hilarious and like, I feel like if I'd watched like a 15 minute chunk of almost anywhere in the film, I'd probably find something pretty funny. But it's just the fact that it's just so much is. It kind of slows it down for

Me, I think it's a good way to put it there, Terry, because I think, like, at least once every, like, 10 to 15 minutes, I did have, like, a good chuckle.

Yeah.

But then the problem would be that they'd repeat that kind of, like, gag a couple times around, be like, okay, next. Next scene.

There were many laugh out loud moments for me. Right. I didn't guffaw, nothing. I didn't laugh nearly as hard as the Betty reveal from last week. The first time I saw Big Bad Betty, I almost fell out of my chair, I was laughing so hard.

I mean, it was an epic reveal.

It was an epic reveal this month there this week. It had tons of very funny, very well crafted visual jokes. I love the Sherlock and Watson and then the buff snowman. They like the movie.

Yeah.

I thought it was a lot of fun. Like, and I don't like to say that about movies, but when I do. Yeah, this is one of those movies that made me laugh. I. I appreciated the idea and the execution and everything behind it. I just wish it was tightened up. And I think that that's like, a big theme for some of these, like, India's movies. Right. It's like, boy, I wish you could just had, like, another pass at it where you just. Yeah, you cleaned up this and you changed that and you, like, move some stuff around and I. And I get it. And it's probably like the. The byproduct of, like, the. The creation process.

He's involved in every step. So it's like, why? Yeah, right.

Like, I get it. And it's. To me, I. I doesn't knock it down any. I think the biggest part for me is, like, the narrative was just too long drawn. It was just like, too. I wanted to see him trying to win over the girl. I think that should have been the movie. And, like, him learning how to win over the girl the entire time, I think would have done it for me. But did I like it? Yep. Was it perfect? Hell, no. But I'm glad I watched it. I'll never forget it, that's for damn sure.

Yeah. Very memorable.

All right, well, we know what we thought. What did the Internet have to say? Well, on July 25, 2024, just 21 days, three weeks after the Fourth of July celebration, Steve underscore and underscore Neo. Oh, Christ. This guy is one of those. He has, like, the dual accounts.

I was just like, he's sharing it with somebody.

He's shared, like sharing a Facebook with your significant other. Yeah, Steve underscore and underscore Neo had this to say. So who said this? Steve or Neo? We'll never know. Absolutely hilarious, period. I don't write reviews, but with this film I laughed until it hurt. So I felt that it deserves some acknowledgment. There is so much clever detail. I will need to give it another watch. A mix of slapstick silent movies, cartoons, old video games all rolled into one. I loved it. Watch from the start. Don't take your eyes off it or you lose context for what is happening on the screen. It is very fast moving. Once you get it, the film just makes complete sense.

Yeah, sure.

Any. Anybody coming in part ways through will just not get it.

No, I don't know if that's true.

That's true for any movie. If you come in at the back third man, I'm gonna say if you came in the back there of this movie, you. You would catch the best part of the movie.

If you come in after that first 33 minutes, you still have a perfect idea what's going on.

Yeah. You catch the opening credits and you're like okay, I must have, I must have just got in when it started. Nope. At the start you will wonder what you are watching. What you need to remember is that this is a cartoon. Despite being filmed with actual people. The people in animal suits are animals. Forget the suits.

Wait, what?

So he's telling you watch this movie and suspend your disbelief. I see what have suspension of your disbelief. Keith, if you it's watch the movie as if it's real.

Why would I ever do that?

Like nothing else I have ever seen. 8 found it helpful. 9? Not so much. 10 out of 10.

I don't know if I feel like the the movie does a good job. Like the thing is this movie doesn't have a very strong plot. So that. But that goes in the favor of like if I was just happened to jump in 30 minutes in, I would get the just oh, he's trying to survive in the wilderness. Like that's all you know. I feel like I would pick up on it pretty quick because of the. The visual storytelling is actually pretty well done. You would figure it out fast.

Well, not to be outdone, on April 17, 2024, just a mere one month after St. Patrick's Day. Wow. Henry7227 had this to say. This is not a kids movie.

Okay.

I thought this was a kids movie at first. I had no intention of watching it. A friend of mine said it had good ratings and Reddit also had people praising the movie. I don't know how I made it to 12 minutes and I could not take it anymore. I don't know what's going on. It looked like a movie made by stoners for stoners. It definitely was not a movie for kids. There were some scenes that could be considered violent.

Okay, I guess. Oh, yeah, sure.

If you want to veg out in front of a screen for a while and turn your brain off, then this is definitely for you. If you want at least a little bit of content, Then go elsewhere. 26 found this helpful. 72, not so much. 1 out of 10.

I feel like. Yeah. They accidentally show it to their kids and we're like, oh, my God. And I guess not even that bad.

But it's like, it's it. To call it violent is hysterical. Yeah, it is.

The most beaver with the stick and his X's go over his eyes.

Yes. He's got a raccoon head on his head with the raccoon's got X's over its eyes.

A different director would make this, like, a absurdly bloody, like, movie or something, you know, where, like, you could. And it probably would still be kind of hilarious. But this director goes the route of, like, psych, comically, like, not like it's, quote unquote violent. But it's, like, so slapstick.

Yes. It is so not realistic. And it's violence. We did it. We got through two weeks of DTFY2M4. That means we're on to W3, which is a Terry W. That's right. What have you in store for us in the NDAF month?

I was debating what to pick with this one. There were a few options, but I am going to pick a film called Ape from 2012.

Ape from 2012.

Directed by Joel Patrickis. Directed, produced by, edited by, written by, I believe, as well. Yep. I really know nothing about it. Besides, I've heard of the director before. And what else does he.

Oh, well, I don't want to step on your deep.

We'll get to here. We'll get to it. We'll get through next week and I'll reveal the other movies I've watched by this guy.

Oh, we did. We plowed our way through hundreds of beavers and now we're on.

Okay, hold on. What if we plowed our way through a hundred beavers?

Not just 800, but hundreds of.

Oh, multiple hundreds.

Multiple hundreds. Right. Because he just says hundreds of beavers in the movie.

We never see the final count. It keeps going up.

It just keeps going up. And it's over 200 at one point. So that's beavers.

Could be beaver extinction.

I can't imagine a world without beavers.

I can't either. I don't think. I don't think the world could take it.

No, they're. They're very valuable part of the ecosystem.

They're vital. Yeah, they are.

Damn it. They are.

They are. I agree.

Well, what a note to end on. They are everyone.

Hey, if you. If somebody's out there to kill the beavers, stop them.

Yeah, if you hear anything about that. If you hear about a lonely college student going out and filming on the

river,

prove the beaver.

Yeah, I'm trying to prove his existence so we can protect him.

Don't just accuse them of throwing rocks to the water to make it sound like it. Support them.

Yeah, support the beavers.

All proceeds of this episode will be going to the beaver wildlife.

I guarantee all proceeds from this episode will go to the Save the Beaver Fund in Kansas City, Kansas.

Yeah, because we have a lot of beavers up here to protect.

So protect the beavers.

Oh, man.

We are pro beaver, if nothing else.

Yep, that's true.

At least we can all agree on that.

We can all agree that beavers are cool. All right with that. I guess that leaves us with nothing to do but to end this the way we end everything. What do you think?

They killed 20 of my people, including my beloved wife. Oh, not all at once. Instantly, to be sure. You see, they're young and through the ears and wrap themselves around the cerebral cortex. This has the effect of rendering the victim extremely susceptible to suggestion. Later, as they grow, follows madness and death.

Thanks for listening to Fumbling through Film. New episodes drop every Thursday. Got feedback or questions? Email us@fumblingthroughfilm gmail.com you can see our films the Fumble before you tumble into the grave and other musings on Letterboxd at Fumble Through Film. The through is T. HRU. You can also follow Keith on Instagram at kg33lives. And on Letterboxd3030. Terry is on Letterboxd at terry2099. Derek is on Letterboxd at Derek the number nine and then the word nine. All original music is done by the Dr. Dre of Kansas, Terry. So hit him up for them bangers. Our new podcast logo is done by the delightful and talented Sanjay Vicky Nayak. You can find her on Instagram at Ike Stein. That's Einstein with a K in there. We'll see you next week. As we keep on fumbling. What the hell are you talking about?

You're just saying.

He just. Keith. He's getting back at me for. For just playing dumb to just draw some time by making a reference to something that only him and I would know.

You don't even know for sure.

Freshman year in high school, Terry. Wow.

And I was about to say. I was about to say, you know what? Probably made this. I probably made that same reference on a previous show we did at some point in time. And. And I forgot all about that. That I probably did that there.

So. Yeah. God bless America, man. Nobody wants to hear that.

Yeah. That's for all the 1989 freshmen out there.

Providence, class of 93.