Nic Cage: Jiu Jitsu (2020)

Gathered together from the cosmic reaches of the universe, here in this great screening room with comfortable recliners are the most powerful forces of good ever assembled.

Keith, I love this because when I mentioned that he was in some other movie that we watched, you're like, I have no idea who that is, Terry.

I'm never going to. Tara, Willie, Derek.

My physiology ingested this movie. And it immediately expunged it. And the power twins, Zapp and Jordan with their magical lemur snort dedicated, fumbling their way through movies one forgotten gem at a time. This week we open a portal to 2020's Jiu Jitsu. This is fumbling through film.

Do you ever ask yourself the question, why am I still alive? Do you think this is funny? He's playing with his food, don't you think? He's like a killer whale in the frozen waters of the Arctic with a seal he fools with its head and then he kills it. It's horrible.

Pull up a chair.

Okay. You know something? I know something you don't know. I know that the spaceman actually likes you. He likes you because he's paying you a very high honor. And I hate to think that's undeserved. A high honor? Oh, yeah. He's saving the best for last out of respect for your skills. It's an enormous honor and he bestows it upon you in spite of what you did. What did I do?

Hello and welcome to another one of a kind. Shredder defining brand new episode of Fumbling Through Film. The only show that dares to bring together three dudes to talk about movies. These, however, aren't just any movie.

No, sir.

No, sir. These are the ones we've missed, overlooked or feel are simply worth revisiting. Yes, sir. That's any movie, sir.

I don't know if I agree with that.

I think there might be another category in there somewhere.

Exactly. Thank you, Keith.

What could that other category possibly be?

Unknown movies in the Void.

But we bring them forward. We missed them, they fall under. If they were unknown, they were missed.

Well, how could we miss something we didn't know existed?

Shit. Do you know how many comets or asteroids fly by this planet that we don't know missed us?

I mean. Yeah. And how many portals don't we actually look into?

Yes.

Fly by. I mean, you know, how many I see the meter flying by doesn't mean I want to go find the portal that it's opening.

Yeah. How many unknown spacemen are walking through a portal to go fight seven people for honor?

Yeah.

I mean, it's so.

So the categories are. Are again are things we've.

We've missed, overlooked. This falls under overlooked.

No, no, overlooked is a very strong way to put this. Avoid. It is maybe you.

How can you avoid something you didn't know it existed?

Very easily.

You can miss it and not in the mist. Like, oh, I. Oh, I miss you. Jiu Jitsu. No. Or like the. Oh, shucks, I missed it while I was in theaters. But just. You just missed it. You didn't. I had no idea.

This falls into that one other category, Derek, that, that, that you come up and, and you're like the, the one area that doesn't fall into all of those is the like, spiteful picks. No, no. Well, that could be the new one. Movies. Movies we watched but don't feel need to be revisited.

But we didn't watch this previously.

No, I'm saying. But there's like, now I think we've got another category of like, we missed it.

It was missed on purpose. Anyway. My name is. You can't miss it on purpose if you don't know it existed. My name is Derek. I'm a Fumbler. Arguing in that corner is the Prime Minister of fumbling and film. That's Keith.

Hey, hey, what's up, everybody? KG Fumbler extraordinaire. Odd Jiu Jitsu Master.

Odd Jiu Jitsu Master. I've thought that about you my entire life.

Not, not normal Jiu Jitsu.

No, that other Jiu Jitsu in.

I guess he's got leverage. He's got leverage.

Yeah.

Because that's pretty good. I do have.

Yes, the Dr. Dre of Kansas. Terry.

Don't mind me. I'm just. I am a self proclaimed Jiu Jitsu er, but I don't specialize in throws or rolls or anything like that. I do kind of more generic like flip kicks and such.

Yeah, I personally do it from a distance and then it's not me, it's my stunt double.

And personally, I also use like little arrows and stuff because that's a very big jujitsu thing.

It is swords or like bow staffs. All those things. All those things

like some PVC pipes taped together and then spray painted.

Yes, yes.

Yeah, yeah, but what. Yeah, we'll get there.

CGI shining effects on it.

That was another one of the 36 chambers I think was PVZ pipes.

With PVC pipes.

Yeah. With either duct tape or silver spray paint on them. Yeah, yeah.

You know the other. With duct tape and spray paint.

This podcast.

This podcast. So we should tell people what is we do here every week we watch movies, but not just any movie. Every month one of us chooses a theme, a genre, a guiding light, some comic book panel that informs our next movements. And we, we watch movies that adhere to those themes and guiding lights and comic book book panels. And this, this month, this is DTF down to fumble. Year 2 Y2. Year 2 M6. That M stands for month and that's a Terry month. So Terry, what did you bestow upon us in month six?

It's a TM hatary month. So that means I gotta pick a category and I picked Nick Cage Films.

Nick Cage Films. There's a ton to choose from.

Yes. Low bar. Many quality levels of quality available to this.

Agreed. And what'd you start us off with?

Well, I started off with quality, of course. I picked Conor.

90s classic quality quality.

So Southern quality, Some sort of quality Southern accent quality.

Yeah.

Oh, high quality Southern accent.

Yeah, yeah. So that means W2 is here. And that's a me me W.

And

I explained it last week, but I'll explain it again this week while we're here. I pulled up a list of Nick Cage movies and I sorted them from highest to lowest based upon meta critic rating. At the top one was Spider Verse. The bottom one was Left Behind. It's like, well, in Spider Verse I'd seen already, I'm like, I don't want to see that. So let's see what's at the bottom. And it was Left Behind. I don't want to watch some religious weirdo movie. Sure. Then I. I sorted by I wouldn't

want to watch a weirdo movie.

Yeah, it's sorted by IMDb rating. So I went to the top again and it was Spider Verse. And I've already seen Spider Verse. So into the bottom and it wasn't Left behind, it was Jiu Jitsu. I'm like, well, let's watch that. How bad can it be?

Where was Jiu Jitsu when you did the first ranking? Was it second behind Left Behind?

It must have been, but it was there.

I mean, I'm glad you decided to literally go to the bottom of the barrel.

I went to the bottom of the barrel because now Nick Cage has a large variety of of films that he's been in, been a part of, starred in, played bit roles in, done, whatever. Wait till you get the deep dive on this and it'll. A lot will be explained in deep. Deep dive.

Okay.

But we watched jiu jitsu from 2020.

Recent. Ish.

Very recent. Fresh. Hot off the presses.

That's true.

The type of thing that people probably just were, like, dying for, literally during the. Well, bad. Bad idea to use those terms. But people that were starving for some sort of movies and stuff to watch.

Yeah.

When it came out. Because they're like, we're stuck at home. I bet.

Like, hot damn, Nick Cage.

Tubi probably threw this up immediately.

Yeah.

Let's do it.

Give us as much Nick Cage as possible. Now, before we talk about our viewing of Jiu Jitsu. Jiu jitsu from 2020, before I do a deep dive into jiu Jitsu from 2020, did any of us have any previous knowledge, history or experience of jiu jitsu from 2020?

I want to say I remember seeing the name of this movie at some point and then.

But it's not like a very unique name.

No, no, like I. No, no. Like, I mean, like, I think I saw like this movie, like a trailer of it pop up at some point and I was like, oh, get.

I remember seeing a trailer for it as well.

Yeah, I did. When you brought up. I was like, oh, my God. I. This is. I remember seeing something on this and I was like, this is going to be absolutely terrible. And it, like, I never. I then just blew it out of my mind. I'm like, there's no reason. There's no reason I'm ever going to ever have to watch this movie.

I must have heard of it because it was already on my letterbox watch list to watch. Look at it.

You. You bookmarked this title as a thing you need to check out at some point.

I did. Must have been after I saw that trailer. But I went to like, when I logged it today, I was like, oh, wait, what? It's on my wish list.

I got it logged in.

Yeah.

All right. I've never heard of it. I just found it at the bottom of a Nick Cage movie list ranked best to worst and then flipped worst to best.

Great place to look for a film. Just go to the bottom of the Nick Cage barrel. I'm sure you'll find a lot of quality.

There's a lot of titles. There's like 140 something titles. I didn't want to go through them all. Sure.

Why? Why not? Why stop? Start at the top.

I did start at the top, but I'd seen them and I don't want to see him again. This is a podcast. I don't watch new.

There are things you haven't seen that are at the top of the list.

It was Spider versus Spider Verse. I'd seen both.

You went to number one. If you went to number two, it

was Man Spider verse.

And then number three, adaptation, which we already saw.

Yeah, adaptation. Yeah.

This is, this is the. This is the meta. Score. Pig is number five.

I only know what that is on

air was probably number four.

Moonstruck is on here.

Yeah, well, anyway, let's don't stop my goddamn deep dive. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Spoiler.

Oh, I'm sorry, you told. No, you know what? I don't think I'm stepping on deep dive because we were told last week no, you wouldn't even be talking.

No, you were like, oh my God, let's break up. There's so many great things to talk about with Nick Cage. We should break it up. And like, I don't give a. I'm gonna talk about Nick Cage.

You weren't going to talk about Nick Cage at all.

Relax. And that was off Mike.

And with, with, with Terry's movie last week, you probably could have got away without talking about an occasion so many other people talk about.

Yeah, well, this movie's got jam packed full of people too. That's why I'm going to take a so goddamn close to it that you can never imagine in another patent pending Fumblers deep dive.

I think we're supposed to relax, Terry.

I'm going to start relaxing. I'm hiking. I'm going to backwash, slowly get to my recliner, lay down, no relaxing.

I put spikes in your chair. My back. Yeah, exactly. All right. Jujitsu. This came out November 20th of 2020. It's rated R, comes in at an hour 42. It gets a 2.9 on 27 on Rotten Tomatoes.

27.

And neither of those were red flags.

Keith, Keith, relax. Keith Phipps of Polygon had this to say about Jiu Jitsu. Once it kicks into gear, it never feels like a waste of viewers time either.

Really?

Yeah, never. Dude. From that's the only positive top critic review from Polygon.

I kind of like Polygon.

Yeah, well, Mick LaSalle of the San Francisco Chronicle said this Cage's latest film, Jiu Jitsu, must represent. Must represent his career worst. And keep in mind, this is the man who made 1989's Vampire's Kiss, in which he ate a cockroach.

That's a good movie though.

I don't know. Well, not Mick Lasalle.

Yeah, he's wrong.

So this thing was released straight to streaming. It was 2020 and on its debut weekend it was ranked 8th on Apple TV and. And 9th on Fandango. Now for most rented movies. And you're like, well, what else could have been on those lists?

Yes.

Let's start with Apple tv. We'll go ten to one. Ten was Tara Willie. Unexplored Planet.

Tara Willy. The planet's called Tara Willy.

Tara Willy.

I'm never going to Tara Willy.

Please don't.

I don't know what's on there. But

nine was Elf, a movie that was probably 15 years old at the time. Number eight, Jiu Jitsu.

So it barely beat Elf.

Barely beat Elf. Number seven, a Rainy Day in New York.

Okay.

Number six, the Nest.

Sure.

I don't know what that is.

Number five, Embattled.

Okay.

Number four, my cousin Vinnie. Great. Okay. Number three, Unhinged.

Okay, I've heard of that.

Number two, Iron Mask.

Really?

And number one, the New Mutants.

Oh, nice. That's actually better than people give credit for.

That was on Apple TV. But what about Fandango? Now? Number 10, Dreamland. Number 9, Jiu Jitsu. Number 8, Love and Monsters. Number 7, Nova.

Monsters.

Good.

Yeah.

Chick fight.

Okay.

Number 6, Iron Mask.

Number why is this going so popular, this Iron Mask thing? I don't know.

Number five, Mulan. Number four, the Informer. Number three, Come play. Number two, Unhinged. And number one, the New Mutants.

Nice.

So Jiu Jitsu lost out to my cousin Vinnie.

Almost lost the Elf.

Lost the Elf. The rest are. Well, if they would have Almost straight to streaming. The Mulan one was the. The. The live action Mulan, which is terrible.

It lost a lot of things I never heard of before.

Agreed. And to be fair, I'd never heard of Jiu Jitsu other than the actual martial arts style.

What is the Iron Mask?

I don't know. It must have been on sale and that's why people are renting. It was like, 199 to rent.

And so, okay, it was 5.99 to rent.

Geez. Yeah.

Came out in 2019.

Oh, it's new.

Has a meta score of 34.

Slightly better.

Early 1700. Cartographer Jonathan Green from Forbidden Empire is back to map the Russian Far East. He's forced onto China, where he confronts the Dragon Master at all.

What?

The Iron Masked Russian Czar escaped the Tower of London to a Russian ship. Director Oleg Stepchenko stars Jason Fleming, Jing Tong Yao and Jackie Chan.

Jackie Chan's in it?

It looks like it is. Oh, it's 2020. We need to release something to make some money. We've had this movie done for a decade. It's got Jackie Chan in it. Let's release it now. That's what it feels like to me,

probably for a feeling.

Lots of weird things happen in 2020, including Jiu Jitsu. This thing was directed by Dimitri Logothetis, who co wrote the screenplay with James McGrath. It is based on the 2017 comic book of the same name by those same two people. They made the comic book and then they're like, we gotta make this a movie.

Okay, well, that makes a lot more sense about the comic panels.

Yes.

That's driving me crazy watching. It's like, there's no point to this.

No, it. There still wasn't.

It didn't make any sense. Like it didn't, say based off the graphic novel at the beginning or something to warn me that this was going to happen.

So. Dimitri Logothetis has 22 directing credits in TV and film going all the way back to 87 such things as Gunner Kickboxer, Colon Retaliation.

Oh, no.

When you put the call it in there, it makes it sound funny and funny.

One of the nine sequels to Kickboxer.

Yep. Hungry for you, Slaughterhouse Rock. Oh, but in 2014, he directed Wings of the Dragon. Okay, now this did not have a brief synopsis. It had like a. It's like a 17 sentence paragraph that's clearly written by Logothetis himself. The Circle of Honor is a secret fight club with members and fans all over the world. Its traditions of to the death fight matches date back to medieval China. The world champion Circle of Honor fighter holds the magical wings of the dragon sword until another comes along who is greater stars Elaine Moussi, Michael Pare, Kiskai and Cindy Sampson. Michael Pare was Eddie from Any the Cruisers. Correct.

Oh, there you go, Keith.

He's in the Circle of Honor.

I love this because when I mentioned that he was in some other movie that we watched, you're like, I have no idea what that is.

Because when the name's just thrown at you, you're like, I don't know who the fuck this. But when you have to like look at the name in the picture, you're like, I know who that is now.

Yeah, it's true.

This movie was co written both the source material and the screenplay by Jim McGrath. He has 11 writing credits in TV and film going back to 1988. He wrote episodes of Simon and Simon Metlock.

Nice.

Air America, Liberty's Kids and movies like Silver Bills and Kickboxer Colon Retaliation. This movie stars Elaine Moussey as Jake. He was also in the Circle of Honor when Logothettis directed Let Me guess.

He's in Kickboxer.

He's an international action star. That's what it said on IMDb. That's what it says. With 26 acting credits in TV and film going all the way back to 2005. He was uncredited. Uncredited as Batman in an episode of Titans. He played Batman in an episode of Titans. Probably from a distance.

He's probably like a stunt double or something.

He was in an episode of American Gods and such movies as Pompeii, Wings of the Dragon, Kickboxer.

Yeah.

Colon Vengeance.

Wait, Vengeance Retaliation.

Yeah. So it's a different kickbox.

That's impressive.

Okay, call in Vengeance. And then colon retaliation was later one. But in 2021, he was a bus goon in the movie Nobody.

He was a bus goon.

Yes. He was in the Bus Fight and Nobody. A docile family man slowly reveals his true character after his house gets burgled by two petty thieves, which coincidentally, leads him into a bloody war with the Russian crime boss. Starring Bob Odenkirk as the Everyman version of John Wick.

Yep.

Yeah. Burgle. This is a good word. Movie. I saw it on a plane once.

Yeah, it's all right.

You see a sequel?

No.

Nope.

I haven't been on a plane in a while.

It's sitting out there. My wife has mentioned something about watching. I'm like, did you watch the first one yet? She's like, no. I'm like, okay, well, get back to me, then. We can watch it.

But I'll tell you what. I saw that movie Normal as a mystery movie, and I enjoyed it. And it was Bob Oden Kirk being John Wick again. Yeah, it was good. Yeah. So this movie also features Tony Ja.

Yes.

Stuntman, martial artist, and he plays Kwang in this movie. He's been in 29 movies going back to 1992. He was the Ang Bach movies Thai Warrior and ang bak 2 and 3. He was in Triple X, Return of Xander Cage classic. And he was in the Expendables 4 4. But in 2020, he was in the video game adaptation Monster Hunter.

He was?

Yes.

I thought you were gonna say Jiu Jitsu.

When Captain Artemis and her loyal soldiers are transported to a new world, they engage in a desperate battle for survival against enormous enemy enemies with incredible power.

You know what?

By Paul W.S. anderson. Stars Milla Jovovich and Ron Perlman.

Ron Perlman's in it now? I'm intrigued. I remember us discussing this. I think we talked about this during the triple Xander Cage episode.

Huh?

And I Think I let it. I said then I'll say now I hate this video game movie thing where you get sent to the video game dimension.

Yeah.

Normal world person gets sent to video game world is lame. Just make it in the video game world. It's not that hard. Monster Hunter explaining exactly.

I think we hit this exact conversation.

I'll say it again.

You say that, it's like jogging my memory. And I agree with you 100%.

Like, let me get. Here's a great idea for a movie. You hunt monsters.

Not just any monsters, giant monsters. And not just with any swords, but giant, impractical swords. Just do it.

Maybe you have a giant bow. Maybe there's a guy that has a big bow. There's a guy that's got a giant sword. I don't know. There's a guy who plays a weird horn. That's awesome.

A giant gun made out of skeletal parts. I don't care.

And so what you're saying is, is the. That they have them on Earth and they go into the game.

No.

Or the game come. The game comes out in and. And spills out into like regular world.

The army persons, from my understanding is that these people are in the army, and then somehow they get sucked into

like a dimensional portal, special forces, and all of a sudden other fight.

I'm sorry. Yes. Yeah, okay. Yeah. No, no, I didn't mean like actually taken into the game. I meant like into like what the game is about. The world of the game.

They get sent into like the Monster Hunter universe.

Universe where you're saying, like, there was enough in that universe to do what

you have to do, make a story in the universe. Who gives a how they get there?

So, so like having he man go to Earth.

Yes.

He's unnecessary because things going on.

I don't talk about he man. We're talking about Monster Hunter, which now

you brought it up and that's coming out soon.

No, but I'm bringing. I'm bringing up. I'm bringing up. Because you had the exact opposite argument for that.

I don't know.

That might be off. Mike.

Let's add it to the wheel. I don't know.

He man's on the wheel now.

Oh, geez. It's on the big board.

No. So I think my he man argument is, who cares?

Oh, where's Monster Hunter? Obviously we should care.

I don't care about that either, to be honest. But, you know, it's just more of a Criticism of Paul W.S. anderson.

Yeah.

His methodology for making movies.

He directed that horrible Horrible movie I watched because Derek said there's free tickets. It actually wasn't.

You still bought the ticket, though, for no reason.

Into the Badlands, I think it's what it's called.

Yeah.

And it was one of the worst movies I've watched in theaters in a long, long time. And. Yeah. Anyways, I don't think.

I don't think we ever discussed that fully, you know, on a recording. But, man, that was a great bit you pulled there, Derek, to do that.

Yeah, he really tricked me into doing that, didn't he?

There was zero trick associated with that, so. This movie also features Frank Grillo as Harrigan. He has 104 acting credits in TV and film going back to 1993. He was Hart Jessup in 110 episodes of Guiding Light. He was Detective Terrence Gillette in 2003's TV movie Hunter, Colon Back and Force. And then he was in other movies like Werewolves, Kill Code, Black Lotus, Operation Sea Wolf. He was Brock Rumblow Slash Crossbones in Winter Soldier, Civil War and Endgame.

Oh, nice.

But he was. Most notably, he plays Rick Flag, Senior in the Gun dcu. Oh, of course.

I knew I recognized him.

Seven episodes of Creatures Commandos, Superman, eight episodes of the last season of Peacemaker. He's an upcoming TV series called Waller and next year's man of Tomorrow.

I can't believe he was in Jiu Jitsu. And now he's Rick Flag Senior.

Now he's Rick Flag Senior.

That just goes to show you, you can't be tanked completely in your career.

No, I was. I was thinking that his performance, Jiu Jitsu is sealed it for him.

Yeah, could be.

I mean, same character, basically.

Pretty much. And this movie also has our hero of the month, Nick Cage as Wy. He has 127 acting credits going back to 1981, basically, in movies. I could have picked, like, Bull Spiderverse movies, Leaving Las Vegas, Raising Arizona, Moonstruck, or Fast Times at Ridman High, who knows?

Great.

I didn't. I picked Jiu Jitsu.

He's done a lot of stuff, to be fair, and I think, you know, more recently he's been on the downhill, but I think he's having a comeback recently.

I. I will say this. This movie here coming out in 2020, I was actually kind of surprised once I saw that, what year it came

out, because I feel like the last,

like, five years or so, we've had like this Nick Cage renaissance going.

Hold on, let me read you these fun facts, and then you'll be like it all makes sense now. Okay, so you guys ready for some Jiu Jitsu?

Fun facts I would love to hear soon? Absolutely.

Nicholas cage was paid five out of the 25 million dollar budget for three days of work.

One fifth of the budget goes to him for three days.

Yes. Nicholas Cage was only part of the first three days of the five week shoot. So they brought him in first. First three days got it out of the way.

I gotta say, I was watching this film, I was starting to get mad because, like, where is he? Where is he?

At the beginning. I got about 30 minutes in. I'm like, he was in here for 10 seconds.

I saw him at the beginning and

then he disappears from the rest.

I'm like, that's not it right

now. This next fun fact is going to shed so much light on this movie. You're gonna be like, oh, Nicholas Cage replaced Bruce Willis.

Oh.

Supposedly Dimitri, the director is quoted as saying, Bruce never returned our call. And to this day we haven't been able to get a hold of him. We don't know why. He told us he loved the script

because around 2020, couldn't act anymore.

They couldn't get a hold. They kept trying after they got Nick,

I hope they get. I think they kept trying to get Bruce Willis and they just wouldn't return their call. And so they got Nick Cage.

This seems like, honestly, I'd much rather have Nick Cage than Bruce Willis.

Agreed. Now I can't blame Nick Cage one iota for beating this movie. Three days, five milli.

Yeah, I would do just about anything for three days.

He had to do anything.

Yeah, he just kind of had to say weird things and then he's done and.

And now that I think about it, like, I'm pretty sure they probably let him improvise a lot of his dialogue.

Oh, yeah.

But there's no way. The things he's saying like Bruce, Bruce Willis, down the stretch for, for quite a while now, really just has the die hard voice of just like the kind of monotone talking, like character and that it would not have worked in this movie.

No, not like Nicholas Cage. According to him, he used Willie Nielsen and Vin Diesel as inspirations for his character.

Oh, I love that. That's great.

I love bandana. Just like Willie Nelson.

That's. Once you said that, I was like, you know what, I can kind of see it.

Also gave him the script and said the name was Willie. He's like, oh, I know Willie, you're right.

He's like, wait, hold on. You know that. Why Hasn't Nick Cage been in the Fast and the Furious film yet?

Oh, God, please do. We got one left.

He could play Vin Diesel's dad or something.

I don't think you can pull that off, but yeah, he could. I mean, he'd be great villain then.

Sure. Now, Nicholas Cage in this movie was doubled for the majority of his action scenes because there wasn't enough time for him to train and. Or learn the choreography.

Yeah.

That's why he's only there for three days, is because he just has to be that, like, they're probably done in two with his part and then just say, we'll do the stunt double through the rest of it.

Now, this movie was filmed entirely on the island of Cyprus. It's the first Hollywood in quotes movie to ever be filmed there. And the reason is because Cyprus offered some sort of like movie making credits.

Right?

Like, oh, we'll give you money back if you come film here in our lovely island of Cyprus.

Well, why not then?

I'm. I'm 1% Cyprus in my DNA.

Yeah.

Really?

Cypress Hill, man.

I did, I did. I did one of Those ancestry things.

1% Cypress.

Did you feel slightly connected now?

I could just kill them. Didn't.

Didn't feel connected at all.

No. Yeah. Now, despite being named Jiu Jitsu, there's absolutely no Jiu Jitsu used in this film.

Yes. I've gotta say, big complaint of the film.

For me it was. Was the lack of Jiu Jitsu.

Yeah. Why is it called that at all?

I don't know.

Is the. Is the comic it's based off called Jujitsu also, or is that.

Hell if I know. That's even deeper than I wanted to

go, like, sorry, too close.

They say those words in the movie Jiu Jitsu. They say it as if it's something, but they don't act like it's the martial arts style.

He even says, like, at one time, yeah, they gave us Jiu Jitsu.

Yeah.

I'm like, what?

What are you talking about? Like, do they have superpowers? I think so.

Guess.

I don't know. We'll get into it.

Well, we will get into it, hopefully. Is anybody in the mood for more Jiu Jitsu?

Well, yes, please.

Yes.

Sequel Jiu Jitsu 2 was planned and discussed as a future project by director Dimitri Logothetis.

No, thanks.

Producer Chris Economidis. Chris, not. Not Chris. Economist, but economies estimated the sequel's budget at approximately 24 million. The sequel was originally expected to be part of a larger slate of films Logothetis intended to make in Cyprus. However, the government of Cyprus said, we're not giving you money. And then, well, so they're like, but you said you'd give us $8 million as a rebate. And it's like, no. So due to this dispute over Cyprus's film rebate program and the alleged non payment of funds owed to Jiu Jitsu investors, Logothetis announced he will no longer make future films in Cyprus.

He might not be making future films at all.

So that was the deep dive into Jiu Jitsu.

I've been trying to find this comic anywhere and it's not.

Please don't not find.

I can find.

There's unanswered. Unanswered questions. Terry has. I'm sure there. There's some place in the comic.

I have so many unanswered questions by this movie.

I can find the pre.

And that was before you told me that Cyprus decided not to give them money.

Cyprus probably saw the final output. They're like, we don't want to be associated with Jiu Jitsu at all.

Also, by the way, if somebody. I mean, I don't know all the finances, but if somebody says they're gonna, you know, as a tax, you know, thing or, or a benefit of coming through, that they, you know, come and film in our country. Yeah, and we'll pay you to come here. Don't you get the money up? Don't you make sure to get the money up front?

Like, Yeah, I don't know. I don't.

I've never made a move before. I could tell you, I don't know how those financials work, but they went to Cyprus and they gave nick cage his 5 milli. I'm sure they got 25 million from angel investors or somebody looking to, you know, convert drug money into legal money. Yeah, possibly. Who knows? On hell, I don't know who this Logothettis character is, but him and the other dude worked together on lots of stuff. Tv. And they probably got together and I'm like, oh, wouldn't this be an awesome idea for a graphic novel? And sure couldn't get anybody to read that. So they like, oh, we got this whole storyboard. This movie's done. We just gotta make it now.

Yeah, the script is already made with the comic book.

We got Bruce Willis attached. He said he loves the script.

Yeah, we'll get him on board.

This movie reeks of to be original quality.

Does it? Does, yeah.

If you would have said way better. It was the same team as Titanic666. Yeah, I bet.

Yeah, that's true, actually.

And nothing against to be originals.

That's fine. Yeah. What's that movie we watched with the prison?

Oh, corrective measures.

It kind of had that vibe a little bit.

Did have a little bit of that.

Lacking in goblins. This was lacking a lot of goblin creatures.

No goblins.

No.

No. Flesh eaten for some reason. I will say so. I started the movie. I watched this last night. Usually I watch the movies, like, right up until recording. So, like, my emotions are fresh off of watching the movie. I've had. I've had 24 hours to stew on this one. I put it in. There was three to four minutes of title cards for production companies.

Yeah, that's a bad sign sometimes.

Hey. And they were like, interesting. But I'd never heard of any of them. And then it starts with this. These comic book panels. I'm like, well, that's interesting. Is this movie going to be interesting? And the one panel is of the asteroid, and then it fades into the movie of the asteroid. And it was one of the worst computer animations of. Of rock I've ever seen in my life. It wasn't even like going in a straight line. It was just like all like, asteroids go straight. I guess that was the comet. Right.

Well, but if it's an alien astro.

Yeah. Also, it's not an asteroid. It's a comet. Right.

Okay. Whatever the it is.

Yeah.

They keep referring to it as. As an asteroid. Right. Like an asteroid would like fallen.

Hit the.

A comet has the. The tail and everything with it.

It's like Haley's comet, kind of.

They called it a comet. And I got issues with the comet as well. 1. It makes zero sense why.

Yeah. Why is it the coming of the aliens that his ship.

I don't know.

Who knows?

No one knows what this comic.

I'm gonna look up the comic book right now.

I think the comet opens the portal.

Yes.

So, like, the energy from the comet makes the portal open up.

But.

And every. And. And somewhere along the line they determined that he had a. This guy comes through and he has to fight. I don't know certain amount of people

where this guy come from space. He came through the portal now.

So he comes sprinting down that hallway. You remember that? He comes running.

Yeah.

Why did he just appear? Because that would have been way cooler. Instead we get to see him, like, running and it looks really stupid.

The alien. Okay, before we. We gotta talk about this alien design.

Okay. He looks like a Power Ranger villain.

He looks worse than a Power Ranger villain. Yeah, he's a man in a latex suit with, like, bumps on him and

little CGI eyeballs that pop out every once in a while.

Oh, the face is my favorite part.

Hey, anytime they did that. Mike, you're losing me. 100. Anytime you bring up the CGI eyeball

and even when they look directly at him, the. The face wasn't, like, framed, right?

No, the face is. The face is. Is applied in a PlayStation 1 sort of quality. Like the look. The face was a texture and it was put on a polygon. There's absolutely no, like, nose or, like, any sort of features to the face. It's just like a flat. But so the. The man's. The man's in a blue suit and it's got, like, some stuff on it, like, oh, let's glue some tubes to it and paint it. That's what they did. Right. Now the helmet has, like, a visor that's always foggy.

Yeah. Like, the guy from taking.

He's taking some hits, but it's a.

It's a motorcycle helmet with, like a V shape viewport on it. That's always foggy. But then the fog will clear up. And then for all you Doctor who fans, the face of Bo appears and appears in there.

The bow.

Yes. Do you know. Do you know the face of Bo? Bo Terry?

No, Keith.

You know the face of Bo.

Oh, you're right.

That's sounding familiar.

Yeah, it's the face of Bo. It's this giant head that appears through probably like eight or ten episodes over the course of five years. And Doctor who, You're totally right.

They just took a Jake peg of that and, like, pasted it on there.

I laugh so hard at it the first time. I'm like, you've gotta be kidding me. Because it's really. It is just that face.

Yeah. It looks horrible.

Yes.

And it doesn't fit the helmet. And it makes me question, does he turn that on manually every time? Because it's like, why. Why do. Sometimes we see his eyes and face and sometimes we don't. Like, does he, like. Whenever he thinks he's doing something really cool, does he, like, flip a button and, like, it shows his face for a second so he can, like, smirk at the audience? I don't know. Why is he doing that?

I don't know.

He looks cooler with the fog. Why? I don't want to see that weird face that doesn't fit the helmet.

No, I don't want to see it either.

And he's basically this alien, he's basically the Predator rip off.

Yes.

Yeah.

He sees an ultraviolet. He's hunting these six people on an island. For some reason, he.

It's an honorable thing. He wants to fight warriors or something. And he also can turn invisible. And he has these little, like, knife things he throws that look just like the Predator's little knife things that he.

He shoots like electric shurikens out of his hands or something, and they kill. And I don't know why he just doesn't do that all the time.

Yeah, this is a lot.

And he kind of sucks, this alien.

He does.

He's got stormtrooper aiming abilities.

If he couldn't heal, he would be the worst alien. He would just die all the time. He would immediately be terrible.

Yeah, I. I could kill him.

I think we could take him. Yeah. Yeah.

We could each take turns.

We each kill them once. All right.

We don't. We don't. We don't need whole, like, squad of like seven people, you know, three.

He couldn't heal. Like, I think almost everybody lands a fatal blow on him.

He needs six or six to 10 seconds to be fully regenerated or what.

Sometimes he lets steam out. I don't know why he does that.

See, in those six seconds, we slap some. We put some headphones on his head, we start playing the podcast. It's really distracting.

Yeah.

His healing powers are eliminated.

Oh, yeah. We are banned in hospitals because anybody is trying to heal from a sickness or injury, if they're listening to our podcast, it just stops.

All progress stops. Yeah, because all. All of their internal powers and abilities go directly to the ears to hear and process us.

Yes. We're like that. That mutant. What's his name, Newt or something. You know who I'm talking about. Little more like kid who. If he's around you, you lose all your powers. You're not. You can't do anything. You have to.

Oh, yeah.

Is his name Newt? What is that little guy's name?

Or is a racer head from my hero academia?

Yes. He's like. We're like a race.

Our podcast stars at you. You have no. You lose your. This alien absolutely sucks. He's terrible design. Just man in suit with helmet.

And it gets worse.

It gets worse. He. His powers are terrible. He's a ripoff of the Predator. But worse. Like, he's. Ah, he's so bad.

There's not an original thought with this alien at all.

No. Nope.

Would be better. And this would still be a ripoff if it was just like a tournament or Something he shouldn't be hunting these like.

Yeah.

To me it's like they know this alien shows up every what, six years or something?

Yeah, it should be just like this

big like you know, circle this. Why go through all the trouble of having him hunt you down? We're all just gonna fight each other in the temple until I guess we all die because that's what always happens.

But he has to kill anybody.

Yeah, he kills some of them, but

he hasn't killed like the four main people.

Kills like three side guys that nobody cares about. He kills Rick Flag Senior.

Yeah.

And he kills the left are.

Are Jake and the. The. The girl member of the team.

The girl. The old couple.

Yeah. But the old couple aren't part of their. Aren't part of their. Crab man. That's great.

Translator guy, crab band from. My name is Earl.

Yeah, the one dude.

But yeah, like he. They were all in the room with them though.

But they weren't. But they weren't part of the select team.

So what? I'm an alien. I'm a killing every I see.

He's got seven people he actually has to fight.

Yes.

What's the rules? Plus the last guy who ditched him from the last time he was here is still there.

You're right. So there is rules to this alien because he is. He's saving the main character for last. Remember the Nick Cage tells one person

that he wants to fight. He's like, he goes through this.

You're the best.

How does Nick Cage know that?

Well, because he fought him last time.

Because he was. Yeah, because he was here for the previous.

Did Nick Cage win previously?

No, he ran away.

He lost. He begged for his life.

Alien ran away or Nick Cage Cage

ran away and, and yeah, he took off running. That's why he understands why the alien likes Jake because Jake took off running when he saw him.

I assumed he liked Jake because we find out that Nick Cage was Jake's dad.

Which is another dumb line to be thrown in there.

But like this guy you knew for five seconds, wow, that's gonna really motivate me to kill.

So they have that group that's sitting there training and they must have some history on this. They don't ever tell you like how long this has been going on waiting for though.

I thought there was a uranium involved at the beginning. Yellow cake uranium. Does.

Does the US Intelligence girl, does she get killed or she just like takes off at some point?

No one knows.

I forgot about army woman.

Yeah, I forgot she existed. Like much of this Movie.

Like, I thought, oh, that's the love interest. But he already has a love interest from his old crew. And then they seem to be getting along, and I'm like, what happened to Army Woman?

Well, I mean, he didn't remember his old crew because he had amnesia.

You really don't remember? No.

No.

He's your father. It was one of the dumbest goddamn things that I've ever seen.

Such an unnecessary moment.

But there's. There's zero reward for that. Yeah, well, it's flashback in a. They're both in a cave for some

reason, and he hears the voice in his head of him, like, remember, he's your father.

You lost your father.

Yeah, so.

So until you tell me that this is like. That they had a comic book script that they transferred into this, I was actually starting to think that maybe this was like a stuntman, like, training weekend, and they just filmed a bunch of stuff and said, hey, could we slap together a movie around this?

Yes.

But the stuntman training would have been like, the worst stuntman training ever.

Well, hold on. It wasn't that bad.

It was terrible.

This was because it's. Tony J. Comes to. To come to save him at the beginning or. Well, when he's. He comes back through and they're chasing him. It's that weird. Like, we're getting, like, Jake's POV of the camera or, like, from the camera following through this first person thing. And. And I was like, this almost seems like they're. They're like, maybe not just training, like, new stunt people, but also, like, training. Some people like that are trying to get used to, like, working the camera in a certain way and then doing certain stuff, like trying certain shots. But it had this whole vibe of, like, a training thing. And somebody was like, hey, man, we've been here for, like, you know, a week doing all this stuff. We've been taping all of it.

Should.

We can edit together into something?

Yeah. I feel like there's a lot of fighting in this, which, you know, probably not a bad thing. And I will give it credit. I think. I think the action is not bad. Tony. Ja. Laying waste the entire army base, which. Surprising, but awesome. I thought the fight was good. There is some issues I have with it like this.

The.

The CGI effects are horrible when they're blood splattering out of their mouths every five seconds. That's really bad. But I think the choreography is pretty cool.

I thought the fight choreography was. Was. Was limited. It at best like that.

That whole last, like. Well, like, Almost quarter to third of the movie from when like the bald guy decides that, okay, it's his turn to do the fight. And then like, and, and they can't get to the butt kick. So, like two other people show up.

Yeah, that random. Two other guys ran.

Two other guys we hadn't seen until then. Second girl shows up and, and this guy's like. And this guy comes from. Oh, also you had the other guy who's with the army team.

Oh, yeah.

Lieutenant sand or whatever his name was.

Yeah.

And he tells Jake we've been working on this, you know, for years.

He's the only one who was in on the alien thing.

Like, he knew about it. And they've been training for this for this whole time. So you can't forget what, like you, what you learned. You gotta remember it.

Yes.

There's a lot to going on in this film and there's too many characters because. Yeah, he's saying the bald guy shows up and I'm like, who? I'm like, oh, yeah, there was that bald guy. And then it's like, oh yeah.

Swings like just a pipe.

Oh yeah, the two randos who show up to fight the aliens together. Is that even honorable? The alien part doesn't like that.

Can't stop laughing. Okay, so you gotta put yourself in my shoes right now. Every week I watch the movie right before we record, so it's fresh in my brain. I watched it 24 hours ago and you guys are talking about it and it's like fresh. I have no idea what the hell you're talking about. My, my physiology ingested this movie and it immediately expunged it.

It's not worth sustaining it.

It's like I got a baboon heart all of a sudden and my body don't like it. That's what happened to this movie. I, I only got bits and pieces and I sat here and stared at it intently. Wow.

It's, I, I, I like your comment, Keith, about the weird camera stuff, because it did feel to me like the director, like found something he thought was cool and he would stick with it for a few scenes and then he'd move on to the next cool camera trick he could learn. Like, yeah, he learned one overnight.

And then the next day he was like, oh, let's try this one.

Yeah, so we, there's that one where we see a lot of first person action. And I thought that was kind of interesting, but I was like, this is weird. And then there's a couple parts where like, the camera's like, Lingering outside of where the action is. And then someone comes flying out of a doorway or something. Like, okay, that's the new trick he learned. And then there's one where like the camera's facing the character and they're like running like crazy through the woods. He does that like five times and that does not look that great. But yeah, it feels like he has a lot of gimmicks that he's like testing out.

Now, one thing I will say, and because this is Nick Cage month.

Oh, yes, Please say this.

When Nick Cage shows up, this movie gets a nice uptick.

Thank God somebody has. Has some personality. Thank God there's a little energy injected into the film. Because at this point, nothing. I. I don't care about nobody.

The whole opening, like the whole first time we see him. When Jake falls into like down that hole into like a. I don't. It's like part of a cave or something.

Yeah.

And he's got a piano. He's got his hobbies. Yeah.

Like the Scrupo Wizard.

Yes, he is.

Yeah.

What?

This is the Screwpa wizard with the. Yeah, like Shazam.

Oh, okay.

King Dong. He's got a mayonnaise jar. Can't throw it away.

Like that guy, he.

He was folding up and making newspaper hats.

I loved it.

Where'd he get the newspapers?

You know, that was a Nick Cage thing. He saw that in the set and he was like, that's. I'm mentioning that because he probably thought that was stupid too. He's like, why is that here?

Yeah.

Hey, get off my piano.

Oh, my God. Yeah, that whole scene, I like, that might be my favorite scene in the whole movie. And I'm like, oh, my God. We've gone from like this like, especially the, the girl playing the. The army intelligence person was so bad. We then all of a sudden Nick Cage comes in and he's like, just kind of, you know, he's like, I'm here on a quick three day vacation.

Yeah.

Everybody's.

And throw some fun into it. And he's like, you know, bouncing around and all. And you know, he's, you know, it's a nicely choreographed little scene. They fight with the guy. But he's also like saying all this stupid stuff about paper hats and his piano and a bunch of other stuff. And it's.

Yeah.

And try. And basically also explaining what kind of some of the plot is that we're supposed to be paying attention to here. So, I mean, it's Nick Cage month. He. He delivers in this movie.

He does. He does he's right.

Comparatively speaking.

I'm getting.

Yes, here's the.

My thought process. I'm watching this film and we see Nick Cage for about five seconds when he fishes the guy out of the river. And then he's gone for the rest, like for 30 whole minutes. And I'm sitting like, as this movie's going, I'm like, what's happening? I thought this was a Nick Cage film. Surely he didn't just show up to be the guy of pulling him out the river. And then when he finally does show up, I am, I am, I am so happy. Like he's doing something. He's trying. He's actually like, he's succeeding in adding a little bit of flavor to this film that nobody else has been able to do.

And I don't want to say, like, man, he's like doing this like, great acting, like master class because the bar is being set so low by everyone else.

It is so such a man acting.

It's just he's putting in a like the least amount of effort possible and is coming across as like, he's charismatic. I'm like, wow, Insanely good in this because of the fact how low the

bar is, comparatively speaking, is insanely good.

Overall, it's still trash.

It's a master class compared to everyone.

Yeah, he's giving a master class and being bad while the rest of them are still like, we haven't even got to that level.

He's. He's like, he's saying weird things. He's like, I want chicken or pickles or something. I'm like, okay, that's weird.

I don't know.

Damn, I could eat. You know, he's just, I don't know, like, he adds a lot to the film and it's a shame that he couldn't just have been like the main

character because I get a sandwich with some chicken pickles.

Yes. See, that's a good line. Yeah, I think that. Yeah, it's a shame he was only here for three days. And if it had been Bruce Willis instead, it would be. It would have tanked the film rather than Elevator. Imagine him finding Bruce Willis in that cave. Oh, no offense.

Finding out Bruce Willis was his dad. No, it doesn't work.

No, it's. It's a. It's a boo.

Nothing in this movie works.

Would they have put. Would they have put a long haired wig on Bruce as well?

I would imagine so. I hope so.

Yeah. It's a boon. They got Nick Cage for this. This really is a boon.

Yeah.

So I mean, look, I. Look, Derek, we've given you a lot of crap about picking this.

Yeah.

However, Nick Cage delivered, so.

I mean, Nick Cage, month point to say he delivered.

He delivered. I agree.

Is. Is such a. A crazy statement.

Look, okay, look, the bar was set high last week for him delivering, so.

Yeah, it's true. It's like when you order pizza and it's getting delivered, but it was like, I don't know, 30 minutes too late, a little cold, but you still eat it and you're like, you know what?

No, this movie is not pizza.

No, Nick Cage. I'm just comparing. Nick Cage is the Cage's pizza. You're the. The movie is the hunger. You're hungering for anything.

No, the movie is not that at all.

I will say, you know what? Nick Cage's pizza is probably like a really. That's a really good way to explain it because he does so many crazy things with all of his movies that you can put any type of toppings on pizza.

Exactly.

I like pizza, though.

You do? Plain cheese, you can do. You can put ham and pineapple on it. You can go with, you know, some kind of like really crazy exotic type type thing. And he's there for all of it.

He's always there for you.

He can deliver it. Nick Cage's pizza.

Nick Page. Nick Cage could deliver my pizza. That's fine.

No, I'm not gonna say that. In fact, you know what? Hold on. I want to give a clean drop for this. Three, two, one.

Thank you.

Well, I'm gonna edit that out for sure.

Or that could be his clip.

No.

Yeah, that's why I did it. Yeah.

Let me do a clean drop, too.

I just did.

So you.

Did you think that Cage helped or hurt the movie?

I don't. It's lateral. He couldn't have hurt it.

Yeah, there was no. Yeah, there's no way to hurt this movie.

No, this movie is bad. And I was hoping it'd be comically bad. And it is comically bad, but not in the way that made me laugh. Right.

Not like the watching it laughing. It's more like talking about it afterwards.

Laughing.

Yes. And bad movies and bad games and stuff like that. There's a lot of people that worked really hard to make a piece of. And so I. I have a hard time getting too upset about it because nobody goes into it with, like, we're gonna make this tacular movie. Nobody. Or terrible video game. Nobody intends it. Even the Napoleon Dynamite video game for the Nintendo ds, people working on it were like, well, this is gonna suck. No. They tried to make a good game, and that's what happened. I'm sure. I can't remember what the producer's name is or the director's name is. Logothetis. Logothettis. I'm sure he's like, I'm gonna make this amazing movie about my amazing comic book that I wrote with my amazing friend. And we got the amazing Nick Cage.

You know, that's great, too. Like, I would be psyched if I wrote a comic book and then I was able to make a movie about the comic book.

Like, those sorts of things. Like, good for them. It just boys. It bad. It's just really bad.

This movie is just, like, not very original at all. And it has nothing new to add to anything. And it's just confusing at times.

It's very confusing. There's so much. Like, Terry. There's too much going on. Why?

You know, that alien shows up every seven, six years. Whatever. Why not? Just don't. Hey, there you go. I vote if I set up some. Why not just set up some C4 next to that weird portal?

Yeah.

Dude, is that alien walks through that dang thing.

Just load them up.

Just destroyed the portal. I don't know. Like, why are we putting up with this alien? I guarantee, with the hundreds of years we've seen these as, you know, they talk about how history. This alien has always been here. No one's figured out just, okay, let's blow him up. Let's figure out a way to kill. Because they kill him with a grenade.

Yes.

That's all it took. Why not? Why not? I guarantee his weakness is fire. Is this the first time anybody figured this out?

Yeah.

Humans invented the fire.

Yeah.

Yeah. They harnessed it.

Like, I guarantee a caveman probably could figure out how to kill this alien.

Yeah. It's just like the aliens from Signs. Being affected by water. If you're being affected by one of the four elements here on Earth. Earthly, fire, water. If one of those things defeats you, you're bound to fail.

Yeah. I mean, to be fair, I could be defeated by any single one of those.

Yeah.

I mean, but I mean, if it's Earth, wind and fire, the. The band, it's acceptable.

You're bound to fail there as well. There's no beating Earth, wind. No.

Yeah, but that. But that's a respectable one.

Yeah, I would. Yeah, I would hate to win against that.

Yeah. Like, you throw the fight.

Yeah. You guys win. You got me.

Okay, so I need to talk about this because it's the one thing that's been stuck in my head the entirety ever since of viewing it. The portal reopens. Correct. When the comet flies in between the two spires of this temple. Dracula Castle, or whatever it's. There's a castle, whatever it is, but there's two towers, Right. And it flies between those two towers like a field goal. And then the portal opens up. Now, due to the way the perspective works and the distance that comet is away from the Earth, you could be standing in many different positions and the comet would appear between those two towers. Why is it.

Yeah. What's the math here?

What's the math? What is the angle that you have to view the towers at, See? To see the comet between them, to go. Okay, there. There it is. That's the one right there.

It's a great question. They never answer that in the film. I wish they would have busted out, like, the protractor or whatever that thing's called, you know? Talk about the angle machine.

Yeah, the angle machine. Get out the angle machine and look.

Also, though, if it. If it. If it opens up, the thing passes by every 600 years and the thing opens up. Well, it passed by a second time somehow.

You're right. It did open the portal twice. Yeah.

Maybe it does. Like a loop. It slingshots off the Earth.

Maybe. Oh, maybe there's two different temples there, because the Valley of the Temples is where they're at. So maybe there's two, and when it hits the first one, that's where he pops out at the second one.

Temples he knows.

Okay.

Did they say that?

They say the place that they're at is called the Valley of the Temples.

They say it sounds vaguely familiar. You're right.

And so maybe it opens up when it passes through the. The goalposts of one temple.

Knowledge of this movie is astounding.

I just watched it, like, an hour and a half ago.

Pulled the bald guy out of nowhere.

Yeah, the bald guy was the girl.

The army special ops.

I just thought of that right now because I was like, wait a minute. Did she ever show back up again? No.

Yeah. Who needs her? Yeah. Oh, Lord, what a film. Yeah. This was not great. I don't think it was the worst thing ever, though.

No, it's not the worst movie I've ever seen.

It's very unoriginal.

Oh, boy. Cat in the Hat might have been better.

It is 100.

It is.

There's no question. I agree. Better or not.

And I. Well, but then I felt that was not a good feeling.

It should be should be happy to feel that way.

No, I felt all wrong. I was like, okay, never mind. All right.

Do we do it, boyos? Do we get through Jiu Jitsu? Because the great thing about having Jiu Jitsu is this. Terry said you have leverage.

Yeah, that's true. I did say that.

Makes no sense. I mean, they said it in the movie.

But isn't that. Isn't Jiu Jitsu, like, that's the whole martial art form is about having leverage, like to be able to flip people.

Yeah, I thought so. I thought. You think it's a. It's a grappling thing. Right.

It's a very funny line.

I thought they meant that you just had leverage over the alien because, you know Jiu Jitsu. I didn't realize that the whole point of Jiu Jitsu is. Is grapples.

Yes.

I mean, if it's. If it's not, then that's.

And they don't do it.

Completely weird. But, like, it's. To me, I was like, again, why? I think maybe Nick Cage was improvising some of the stuff because he's the one who says it. But I'm like, that's actually a funny line, even though it doesn't make any sense because we're not dealing with real Jiu Jitsu.

It's stupid.

Why are they not doing Jiu Jitsu?

I don't know.

Why didn't they say the words?

Oh.

Oh.

Well, the one guy does. The one guy does try to put an arm bar on the. The. On the alien at one time.

That's true. Okay. They did do that once.

Yeah.

One guy does actually try maybe a little Jiu Jitsu. The rest of them would rather just use, I don't know, standing martial arts

or whatever weapon they had handy.

A sword. Yeah.

Or a shotgun that. That old lady with a shotgun just blasting away. It's great.

She did better than half of these people.

Yeah. Like, why are we just using a shotgun now in the last 15 minutes of the movie?

And see, you know what? Maybe she was one of the people who was around and helped defeat it. Like, it's every six years. So maybe, like, you know, like, you

know, like, where was she for the previous. Where, like, the aliens run.

Maybe. Maybe she was a survivor from, like 60. The 60 years prior or something like that.

Every six years. She's the only one that's left.

No, she's left for her group. And then they bring in a new. A new group of seven. The only reason that Cage got involved with this one is because he ran and hid the last time.

What was the point of that group of seven again?

That needs to fight.

There's some.

There's.

Why does it need to fight seven people?

It needs to fight seven people because if it doesn't, then it'll go on a murder spree and kill everything.

Because if you went on a murder spree, wouldn't you eventually fight seven?

Yeah, but it has to be seven people he deems as worthy.

Seven people have trained specifically for this.

He needs to be respected and trained for or even go out.

And I think he might have actually taken out more than seven.

He killed a lot of people. And he was upset, I think, when he had to kill those army guys at one time, because the guy. I think Nick Cage said he didn't like that. So I don't know. What the Cage?

No.

Are they like pen pals or something?

Like, the alien likes Nick Cage.

Doesn't the alien kill him, though?

Yeah, he likes him, but he also wants to kill him. It's a kind of an honor thing, you know? I mean, he respects Nick Cage because he thinks Nick Cage is crazy or something. But then he realizes Nick Cage is a true warrior and kills him at the end.

All right.

Did we do it? Did we get through Jiu Jitsu?

I think I really don't like that they didn't do Jiu Jitsu in this at all. I think that's so stupid. I'm sorry. I know I've said that five times, but that just every time you say

the word Jiu Jitsu, I have to remember that it had nothing to do with Jiu Jitsu.

Well, I think we did it.

Oh, God. Did we do it, Bo?

Yes, please.

Did we get through Jiu Jitsu? The movie not about Jiu Jitsu, but about an alien who gave us Jiu Jitsu, apparently.

But whatever, 2020, they mentioned that they have Jiu Jitsu, and I think it's a superpower or something. I don't know.

I don't know. What'd you guys think?

Not the worst thing I've ever seen, but not good. Not good. I would give credit. I would love to give credit to Nick Cage because I think that he does elevate the film. And like I said, there's not much to elevate. It's pretty easy to lift this thing up a little bit because the idea is just so unoriginal. It's a generic ripoff of so many different things. But I thought the action was okay, so I'll give it that. All right. All right.

Keith found it very memorable because he remembered the entire damn movie.

The bald guy.

Yeah. And I agree, you know, it's. It's Nick H month. He steals the show when he's in there. So that's, that's. We're getting. We're getting like a star or two out of me for that. And then the rest is just, you know, I think we had negative stars after that. So maybe it's like a one star review for me. I did this was really, really, like quite awful.

Yeah, this movie was rough in every sense of the word. It's just not a good movie. Nick Cage, fine, whatever. He steals the show. But, you know, so I've often used this argument with other people. They're like, oh, it's a shitty movie, but it's got good action. That makes it all right. Like. Well, no, it's like imagine if you made yourself a ham sandwich, right? And the bread was moldy. Oh, and the ham was rotten. Oh, but it had a good slice of cheese on it. Would you say that's a good sandwich?

No, I wouldn't.

No, you wouldn't. You wouldn't want to eat. So therefore it's not a good movie. It can't be good movie. Even if it's got a nice slice of cheese on it. That it's bad. This movie is bad. Nick Cage is bad in it. The best of the bad. Which is not good. Right. But it is what it is. It is Nick Cage movie. Plus, I'm also biased because I don't really care for him all that much. He's fine. Holy cow. So this is a. We know. We thought what the Internet have to say. And I knew it was going to be this. A bunch of ironic 10 out of tens.

Oh Lord.

Well, we know. We thought what didn't have to say. On March 25th of 2021, Synexia had this to say. Some people like cheesy action. I enjoyed it. Not the best. Not the best. Anything but very entertaining. Expected more Tony. Ja. But it was good. People who rated it negatively were judging off of what they thought it was going gonna be. Not what it was. Will be awesome if Mystery Science Theater 3000 gets a hold of it. It's a movie for guys who like movies. Popcorn emoji 2 found that helpful. 8. Not so much.

People use people giving us a low score because they thought it was going to be about.

Yeah. Their expectations.

My bad.

But hold on. When you give something a 10 out of 10, that means it's perfect. And you say not the best anything. But that's not a 10 out of 10.

Yeah, it's like. It sounds to me like a 7 out of 10 at the.

the most.

I think he was just trying to fight back against the negative reviewer.

And not to be outdone, May 8th of 2021, Feast Mode had this.

Okay, I like that name.

Zoolander voice. Colon. What is this? I don't know. I've never seen Zoolander, so I don't know what this voice is. I've never seen Zoolander.

It's a good one. I like that.

This movie is laughably bad in every way possible. End of review, eh? I'll say some more. I could tell it was poor filmmaking. Almost immediately bad everything. Acting, dialogue, music. Oh, God damn. The score for this movie.

I didn't remember it. Pretty bad.

God, it was so bad. How could you not remember? It was like nails in my ears. And you know, it was so bad.

I did remember like the first scene when he's running away from all like the knives flying. And it was like the most unthinkable, thrilling music. I was like this so bad.

And it was ever present and he.

But he missed.

He.

That thing misses him with all those things right up until the very end.

I know.

When he goes to jump off the cliff.

And then how many does he have? That's gotta be a waste of money.

It's un. It's unlimited.

Apparently.

It's like a video game. They just. He's got like a little infinite symbol as an inventory. The movie makes zero sense. There are a thousand dumb moments or things to make fun of. But I figured if it has good fighting, I could enjoy it. And I saw Tony Shaw in the opening credits, so I thought we might get that. What do I even say? The fight scenes were terrible. And it's very odd. And it's not all. Not because of the usually, usually suspects. Colonial quick cuts, shaky cam and close up shots. In most of the fights, none of that was present. And in many there were extremely long takes with wide shots. So why were they so bad? I'm not really sure. One of the best compliments I can say about fight scenes is that I could feel every hit. Like with John Wick and the Accountant, the movie was the exact opposite. I couldn't feel the hits at all. And I don't know why. Maybe it has to do with sound mixing. There was almost no noise with the hits. And sometimes the noise seemed off by a half second. Could also be that they didn't focus on the moment of the hit. I can't figure it out. But what I do know is the fight scenes gave me zero pleasure. Combine that with every other movie attribute being terrible, and this is just a straight garb movie. Damn you, Nick Cage. Come on. His fault. I wonder what movie of his I'll watch next. Parentheses 1 viewing 5, 7, 20, 21 in parentheses 50 found it helpful. Seven, not so much. One out of ten.

You do not need the curse, Nick Cage on this one.

Damn you.

It's not his fault. He's barely in it.

He tried. He got it. He has five milli. Good for him. Well, we did it, boyos. We got through that. Which was Jiu jitsu, which featured 0. Jiu jitsu.

Yep, yep, yep. I'm just glad I can return it to the library through the little basket so I don't face them.

They'll call to ask what you think.

Yes, the walk of shame. Back to the window after I tried to sneak past.

Oh, hey, no, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You watched Jujitsu? What you think of it?

You're the only person who's ever checked this out. We have six copies. You think we should keep them?

Eight rented movie on the weekend of its release in 2020. Wow.

Do you want two or three copies home with you?

Go ahead, please ask me.

I probably would give it to your friends. I'd mail them to random people. I'd run you too.

I already have a copy. For eternity.

Yeah, I'll never get rid of that.

Yeah, why would I? We did it. We got through W2 of M6. So that means Keith is on deck.

Yes.

Keith, how you gonna end this month of Nick Cage?

Oh, man. Well, I. I'll be honest. I had a movie picked out right away.

Huh.

And I stole it from you.

No, no, no. But I was like, man, I. I kind of want to pick something that maybe some Derek hasn't seen, which is

a majority of them.

And that way he can see a couple good Nick. You see at least one good Nick Cage movie. And then I said, well, you know, there's a. There's a 18 month period in the mid-90s. And I just. I watched Face off with my son and I watched conair with the entire family and then talked with you guys. So I. I think we're gonna close that out. We're gonna do the Rock.

We are gonna do the Rock.

Which if you go and you sort of than the Cage movies by the certain scores by like the Metacritic score, it's like seventh.

That's pretty good. All right. Yeah.

We did it. We got through Jiu Jitsu. Jiu Jitsu. We're on to the Rock. Because that has Sean Connery in it, right?

It does, yeah.

And.

And Ed Harris. Ed Harris, Yeah. It's got people in it. It's in our Bruckheimer movie. Yeah.

Is it directed by Michael Bay? It'll be good.

It'll be a movie. It'll be a movie.

It will be.

Yeah.

All right.

Well, since we're there, we got this far, I guess that leaves us with nothing to do but to end this the way we end everything.

How's that?

Objectives of Jiu Jitsu While competing in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, the basic objective is to use the hands and legs to lock and immobilize the opponent. Different Jiu Jitsu techniques like pull guard, close guard, scissor guard, full mount, joint locks, etc. Are used to cramp the opponent, hence seizing his mobility. The player with the most points wins

the game in the end.

Scoring in Jiu Jitsu. In Jiu Jitsu, scores are given according to 2 takedown throw, 2 points sweep pass an opponent's guard, 3 points mounted position, 4 points back mount with hooks in, 4 points back mount, knees to the ground, an opponent on a flat stomach, four points. An additional four points are still scored by putting the hooks in from this position. Body triangle from the back, four points. Knee on stomach, two points.

Thanks for listening to fumbling through film. New episodes drop every Thursday. Got feedback or questions? Email [email protected] you can see our films to Fumble before you tumble into the grave and other musings on Letterboxd at Fumble Through Film. The through is T. HRU. You can also follow Keith on Instagram G3030Lives and on LetterboxdG3030. Terry is on Letterboxdary2099. Derek is on Letterboxd at Derek the Number 9 and then the word 9. All original music is done by the Dr. Dre of Kansas, Terry. So hit him up for them bangers. Our new podcast logo is done by the delightful and talented Sanjay Vicky Nayak. You can find her on Instagram at Ike Stein. That's Einstein with a K in there. We'll see you next week as we keep on fumbling.