Oops! All Wildcards: Sniper (1993)

Gathered together from the cosmic reaches of the universe, here in this great screening room with comfortable recliners, are the most powerful forces of good ever assembled. Keith!

Ooh, okay.

And he's a redheaded lawyer who makes you lots of money. He's the Gingerbread Man.

Terry! I'm gonna eat Crime Zone for breakfast tomorrow. I'm gonna just crunch up some DVDs, put some milk in there. Derek!

Yeah, yeah, they have the ghost muscle and they have the ghost face. And the power twins, Zap and Jordan, with their magical lemur snort dedicated Welcome back to Fumbling Their Way Through Movies, one forgotten gem at a time. This week we watch the 1993 Tom Berenger action thriller, Sniper. This is Fumbling Through Film. You really get off on this shit, don't you, Beck?

Ah, it's just a job. I don't think about it much.

Oh, so that's the secret. Not thinking. Run.

Miller, what are you doing here?

This assignment was supposed to be a piece of cake.

All right, you're in, you're out, you go back home, you reap the rewards.

Washington brass loves this shit. Of course, they never said anything about a goddamn jungle creep, that's for sure.

Yeah, well, those guys wouldn't. Seems so far away.

What? My life. I read your dossier before I came. You got 74 confirmed kills.

It's not about numbers.

The only one that really mattered was the first one.

That was the toughest one for you, right?

First one?

Yeah. Hello and welcome to another one-of-a-kind Shout Out Finding brand new— new year, brand new year episode of Fumbling Through Film, the only show that dares to bring together 3 dudes to talk about movies. These aren't just any movies though. They are the ones we've missed, overlooked, or feel are simply worth revisiting. Otherwise known as just about any movie you could possibly think of.

Oh, not any movie.

Just about any movie. Anyway, my name is Derek and I am a fumbler. Joining me as we ring in 2026. The balls, the balls dropped. We're dropping balls all over the place.

Well, I do that all the time.

Yeah.

Constantly dropping balls.

Yep.

Uh, is Wernley Prime Minister of Fumbling and Film? Keith.

Hey, hey, what's up, KG? Uh, fumbler extraordinaire. Uh, man with a thousand-yard stare.

Man with a thousand-yard stare. Well, that other guy stayed at 3,000 feet away with a microphone.

3,000 yards there.

No, 1,000 yards there, 3,000 feet. Do the math, man.

Oh, my bad.

Yep.

Okay. It's a Dr. Dre of Kansas, Terry.

That's right. I'm 3,000 feet away. The microphone is very far. I'm yelling to get my voice captured.

It's one of those shotgun mics. It's, it's on a long boom. It's on a 3,000-foot Boom.

It's—

I'm having to like aim my voice perfectly to make it sound natural without me sounding like I'm screaming. I'm like a sniper on the microphone. A mic sniper.

Oh wow, nice.

That is nice. That, that takes skill. A lot of skill.

Yes, it does.

Uh, 74 confirmed recordings. That sounds like a '90s hip-hop lyric. Like, little sniper on the microphone.

It does sound like that. I was just thinking that same thing, and it'd be a good sample too.

Or, or, uh, Nas or Mobb Deep, probably.

Yeah, no, that'd be a Snapple— Snapple— it'd be a Snapple cap. You pop it open, it says Snapple on the microphone.

That's what the advice is on the phone?

Wow.

Yeah, if any of you, um, artists out there want to sample that line, feel free.

I just said, well, if there's any other artists that want to sample, uh, listen up here real quick because I can tell you what we're gonna do and then you can sample that as well.

Okay.

That'd be like a great intro to a song.

Any movie. Any, any movie. Any movie.

Not really just any movie.

Well, let me, let me, let me tell them what we do here. We watch movies, but not just any movie. Every month one of us chooses a theme, a genre, a guiding light, some sort of target from 1,000 yards away that we needed to shoot at and hit.

Yep.

And definitely hit and not give a warning shot at.

No, we always did that. We always have.

But then we'd pick movies that align with that target. And sometimes there's an extra target and there's, you know, whatever. There's all sorts of targets that we got to shoot at. We get those movies. And then on the 4th week, we watch a random a movie that's given to us by the wheel. And then, so we each put a— so let me break that down. We each put a movie on this wheel. We spin the wheel and we watch whatever the wheel gives us. That leaves us 2 extra movies every month that we don't watch. Right?

Yes.

So this month we said, hey, let's take those extra movies, put them on this big wheel, this big metal medallion-like wheel, I guess.

Yeah.

We just put them on this giant wheel. We spun this wheel.

Yeah, it's just a wheel. It's just a wheel, guys. It's just a wheel. It's not crosshairs. It's not a cool— it's just a wheel.

It's not an Olympics medal. It's nothing. It's just a big wheel with movies on it.

It's like a wheel. It's like one of mankind's greatest inventions. So without the wheel, we'd never have what we have now. So it's not that simple.

It's one of the inventions that everybody says, let's not reinvent it because it's per— it's a perfect invention, the wheel.

There's nothing to reinvent.

No need to reinvent the wheel.

360 degrees is perfectly round. What are we gonna do, 380?

I mean, based on the number of movies that never came up for me on the wheel, I think we could have some reinvention going on.

But yeah, well, you just need to reinvent your picks, that's all. Oh yeah, the wheel knows. The wheel knows which picks to pick.

The wheel has a very specific taste in movies.

I don't think the wheel's failed us but once.

Triple X? No, no, that was a great film. It was that Lone Wolf thing.

It was the Lone Wolf McQuade was the biggest failure.

I feel like the Lone Wolf McQuade was a lesson learned. It wasn't a failure, it was to show my hubris.

Yes. Yeah, it was that. But anyway, we had this wheel, 24 movies on it, 23 unique movies, 24 movies in total. We spun it in the first week. We got Romancing the Stone, which was a me pick. And the second week we got a Keith pick and it was Superman. Week 3 was another Keith pick and it was Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Thank you.

Thank you.

I totally blanked there. That was right. It was the Christmas holiday. You know, it was Christmas Day. We did that one and I just, yeah.

Too much eggnog.

I had a little too much festive, uh, joy and, you know, yeah, those Little Debbie, uh, Christmas tree cakes. I had a few too many of those.

Oh yeah, we got a box of those and they got devoured in the house. I didn't get a single one.

Oh, I'll eat those in like 2 days, even 1 day.

Yeah, those boxes, they're— man, what's the—

they're designed to be eaten in 1 sitting.

Yeah, I, I bought a box thinking it was like had like 12 or something in it and only had 6 because they were like jumbo-sized ones.

Oh no. Well, that's still gonna go just as fast as the other.

Yeah. Oh yeah, they did. I, I ate one like on the way home.

Yeah, I feel like if it— I'll have it on my counter and it'll just be like a, a drive-by grab. Like, oh, just grab one while I'm walking past the kitchen. And then it's like 2 hours later, I'm like, oh, there's another one. Just grab one of those real quick.

The lesson to be learned is to not get those things. Never buy them. They are just the devil's work.

It's like Oreos. I can't do Oreos.

Oh God, you can't just eat one Oreo?

Yep.

I think a serving for an Oreo is like one or two. It's like no human's gonna eat 2 Oreos.

If I'm going by, I'm gonna grab like a handful, like 4 of them.

A sleeve, right?

I'm gonna dump out that whole thing on a plate and just take it with me.

Uh-huh. And then, you know, it's got that tray with all the crumbs in it. You just like wet your finger and scoop out all those crumbs.

Guzzle it down.

Yeah, that's There's Oreos. Oreos are so delicious. Anyway, that's neither here nor there because we spun the wheel again this week.

Oreos are like a wheel, so it kind of makes sense.

Well, they're shaped like a wheel. No, no need to reinvent the Oreo.

That's what they say, even though they keep trying.

They keep trying. And really, Oreo is a reinvention of the Hydrox cookie.

Oh, which is the worst name for anything you're gonna eat.

It sounds like a dish detergent.

Hydrox is like a cleaning material.

Yes.

Tide Pod should be named like Hydra. Yes.

Okay. So we spun the wheel for the 4th week and we got Terry pick and it is Sniper from 1993.

The year of my birth.

1993. Is it really '93?

Yep. Yep.

Wow.

Jesus Christ.

So for those that aren't in the know, it's the year Keith and I graduated from high school.

Oh, it is?

The year Sniper came out. Yes.

Wow.

Yeah, very momental. True, it's a momental occasion for everybody. Monumental occasion.

Yeah, it's also a mental occasion. And I remember why— I know where I saw this movie. It's a movie theater, it does not exist anymore. It was this big square brick building, they had 2 theaters in it. Do you remember this theater, Keith? Hillcrest Theater over by the Venture? Yeah, I also, I also saw, uh, Uh, Army of Darkness there too.

Oh, I love that movie.

Yeah, and I saw Sniper there as well.

Uh, anyway, I remember crawling out and just like my eyes beholding as the big screens in front of me for the first time watching Sniper on the— as I was born.

Is that really the year you were born?

'93?

Yeah.

Oh my God.

Just staring at the screen in awe with my eyes not quite working, but they hit the sounds. Terry, it's disgusting.

Okay, okay, seriously, we got through— we get— we pulled Sniper from 1993.

We did, we did.

We need to talk about Sniper. But before we talk about Sniper from 1993, before we even do a deep dive of Sniper from 1993, did any of us have any prior history or knowledge of Sniper from 1993? Well, I already said I saw it in theaters in 1993.

I probably saw it at a theater that had two screens next to Adventure. Yep.

What about you, Terry? Do you think about Sniper going into this?

No, I'd never heard of it until you guys talked about it. Oh, what was the episode? Was it the Eddie and the Cruisers we talked about?

I think it was Eddie and the Cruisers. Tom Barringer. Yeah.

Yeah. And I, I remember you guys saying that it was actually pretty good. I was like, oh, that's why I picked it. So yeah, I did not actually see it on screen. That's for my birth.

Oh yeah, I wouldn't expect you to be it.

I wasn't old enough. They wouldn't let me in.

But I will say there are parents that take screaming infants to movies.

That's true. Why not bring them to Sniper?

All right, well, I didn't take a baby to see this movie. I would never take a baby to see a movie because I'm not some maniacal baby movie taker.

At least, at least if you do, take them to something that's appropriate, like a kids movie. Don't bring them into like some weird rated R movie.

Well, this is the movie you take a baby to. Because they're not gonna remember it. It's not gonna influence them in any way.

Oh yes, it will.

Yeah, they grow up to be a sniper. It's possible.

It's possible. They could just be like, yeah, they're a dream. Subliminally, it'll be lifting, living in their brain for the, you know, their thoughts of, uh, well, can't process it. Yes, it's sitting there.

Taking the long way around, changing your directions multiple times, staying around Cow poop so your scent can't get picked up by dogs.

Yeah, my 2-year-old's acting very strangely.

Why does my 2-year-old constantly lay in the backyard next to dog poop?

Just covered in grass.

Doesn't make any sense.

He doesn't think we can see him.

It took him 18 hours to move across the backyard, but he did it.

He's, he's held up by that pile of, uh, the, the thing of hay, but he's wearing like very green camouflage that sticks out like a sore thumb. It's crazy.

He's been out there. Yeah, he's been out there for 2 days.

What's he waiting for? Just working his way across the backyard. Told to come in for dinner, but it's taking forever. All right, it is time for Terry to take us closer than we could have ever dared to dream we could get to Sniper in another patent-pending Fumbler's Deep Dive.

That's right, we're gonna get this movie directly into our line of sight, down the scope, looking at it.

Downscope and downwind as well.

Downwind. Yeah, we don't want to— we don't want to be upwind of this thing.

No.

Um, so this movie was, uh, directed by Luis Loza. He's got 13 directing credits on IMDb. Um, of course he directed the first Sniper movie of the Sniper movie franchise, which there are 8.

That's insane to me.

The last one came out in 2020, I think.

That's insane to me as well.

Oh no, wait, 2025?

There's 30 years of Sniper. Do they celebrate 30 years of Sniper?

Like, so we, we touched on this a bit when we did the Eddie and the Cruisers one. They're like, Barringer disappears for a while and then he comes back, returns to the Sniperverse. I think Billy Zane like sticks around.

Restore the Sniperverse.

Sorry, go on.

Uh, and I think Billy Zane disappears for a little bit and comes back, but like not the same time right away or something.

I—

yeah, because there's like— there's a Sniper Legacy or something like that. Yeah, it gets them all back in on it.

Okay.

Although nobody— I don't think anybody asked for anything after this one anyway.

Sniper: The Last Stand. Uh, yeah, it's an expert sniper leads a special ops team in Costa Verde to prevent a dangerous arms dealer from deploying a lethal weapon. While mentoring a rookie shooter, he struggles with his new leadership role. Huh. I mean, maybe it's good. I'm sure it is. I'm sure it is.

My wife watched one of them.

One of the newer ones?

Yeah. And she's never seen the original one.

I have a doubt that they're even that closely connected at this point.

But if it's like, like one long continuous story that plays out over 30 years. Oh my God, wouldn't that be something? Like the original Sniper writer had this big Sniper Bible and it's like, this is how it plays out over the course of 8 months.

He's like George Lucas of Sniper. Yes, I've actually planned out the prequels trilogy.

We're seeing, we're seeing the first— yeah, we're seeing only the middle 3 right now.

Wait till you see the prequels and the sequels.

Yeah, yeah, there's a clone of the sniper.

Oh God, that wouldn't surprise me. That feels like that's within the realm of possibility.

Somehow Tom Berenger has returned.

And they say it like that too. They don't say it by a character. Right.

Somehow we had the budget for Tom Berenger to return.

And this direct-to-video 8th sequel.

That would be a shock, honestly.

What I think it'd be more shocking— like, it wouldn't surprise— like, I'm not— I don't want to shit on Tom Berenger, but I mean, it's a paycheck's a paycheck.

Sure, he probably gets a lot of money for being like the named actor in the film.

Well, he's the biggest name attached to it at the time.

Yeah, I think that the newer ones have like Tom Berenger's son.

I think it's like Ghost. I was hoping you're saying Ghost, but he's not dead.

Ghost Sniper is a great movie.

title. It sounds like a Tom Clancy title.

Yeah, what is— what, what is Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon or something?

Ghost Recon. Yeah.

Okay, so, uh, all right, so let's finish Basconda. We got Sewer Cannibals, Basconda, and Ghost Sniper now. All right, we are getting—

but not Tom Clancy's Ghost Sniper.

It's gotta be like Keith Golla's Ghost Sniper, or Keith Golla's Ghost Sniper.

That's— now, is it a sniper who Takes out ghosts, or is it a— the ghost of a sniper?

I think I like the idea of him being a ghost.

See, I was originally thinking it was a ghost that was a sniper, but a person that snipes ghosts, yeah, that's kind of cool too.

Can you imagine a horror movie? Like, it's just like a horror movie at first where like people are getting haunted, they're screaming, running away, getting dragged into rooms and getting killed, and then like right before the finishing blow, the ghost about to hit you, the sniper bullet comes flying through the window and hits the ghost and it dies.

That would be awesome.

Ectoplasm goes flying everywhere.

That would be awesome.

It's like a holy sniper. Yes. All right, like the idea of like the government has like this like strange ritual where they like bring back some like horrible like sniper spirit. Like, we've got to send out the, you know, the ghost of Tom Barringer again.

There's 2 ways that can go. The government has a ghost recruiting arm. Yes, brings up ghosts to be snipers. Or there's also a part of the military specializing in paranormal sniping.

Well, I mean, we, we had Frankenstein, uh, you know, we had Herman Munster fighting and he was helping stop the Nazis at some point in time. So I— it— that makes perfect sense that we also had a sniper who would take out ghosts.

I mean, it works both ways, right? Like, it makes sense that a ghost would be a sniper, But I'm, I'm thinking of like a team of paranormal specialists, like the Ghostbusters, but they're not busters, they're snipers.

They're all snipers?

Yeah, we don't—

we don't want snipers.

They don't want to put them in a, in a thing, you know, they're in the firehouse and cause potentially to explode and like a giant Twinkie. They, they want to take them out.

Would they all be snipers, or would like one be a sniper, one be like a demolitions expert?

I think they should all have roles in the military. Like, to be honest though, I think that the the best weapon against the ghost is the sniper because they haunt the house. You don't have to be in the house when you're—

You don't have to be in the house. And I think one of the, one of the powers of a ghost is based around proximity, right? Yeah, they got to be near you to either like possess you or frighten you or throw something at you or like pull the chair out from anything. They got to be near you, right?

Yeah.

So you got, you've got your sniper, you've got your, uh, demo expert, you've got A driver.

A driver. Yeah. And then you got your planner.

I mean, you basically— it's The A-Team but for ghosts.

Yeah. Yeah. They have the ghost muscle.

Yeah.

The ghost face.

Yes. I want the hand-to-hand guy who like fights the ghosts. I love the idea of the demolition. Like there's a haunted house and demolition expert just goes up with some TNT, blows the entire house up and it's like—

But, but it does blow up the house, blows up like the spiritual energy of the house.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The house, like it looks like the house, it looks like the house blows up, but it's all just like, spiritual, like, so it's like just the— I don't know, like you just see like all like light and everything like explode out, and then maybe like it just kind of like quickly disappears back in, and the house is still standing.

House still intact.

Yeah, I love the idea of like a brand new ghost coming from the afterlife back to the earth to like go haunt his like evil, you know, someone who wronged them, and then he's like just getting destroyed by a squad of military. Oh guys, this guy was horrible, he was a jerk, he killed me in real life. They're like, no, no, they're like, like son of a claymore.

That's, that's, that's the That's the twist though, is they find like this ghost who was like killed for, uh, wrong reasons or was created for wrong reasons, and they have to decide whether they're gonna take him out or not.

Oh, that's like their one— like, oh, this ghost is righteous. Should we shoot him?

Well, if they are like the A-Team and they're like a team of mercenaries, they would be hired by the ghost.

Oh yeah.

Like the ghost would possess somebody to hire this A-Team of Ghost mercs to go kill another ghost, and then you to kill another ghost, and you you find out that the ghost yeah like that that's that's that's gotta be the twist right okay I like that idea all right anyways so yeah he directed a few sniper films or no he didn't go go sniper official from Fumblers film uh copyright trademark trademark yeah yeah let quick mail this episode to ourselves.

This is, this is important. Call our lawyer. That's— our patents are pending still. Um, we gotta get him working on something else. Uh, anyway, so he directed the first Sniper movie. Like I said, there's a bunch of these movies, but he directed the first one. He also directed another first movie in a big franchise.

Oh, I'm excited.

What? Anaconda.

No way!

He directed the first Anaconda, classic '90s film.

Have we talked about this guy before? Because didn't we— oh no, we talked about— I think we talked about the people that did the sequel to Anacondas. I did the deep dive on that.

Yes, I think we've never talked about the first Anaconda.

Oh yeah, the first, not the sequel, but the first one. Okay.

Yes, uh, '90s classic creature feature, uh, about a film crew and a crazed hunter who are searching the jungle for the largest, most deadliest snake. Um, the movie has Jennifer Lopez, Ice Cube, Owen Wilson. To name a few people, there's a lot of sequels to these as well. There's one that's coming out soon with Jack Black and Paul Rudd.

Yeah, came out last week. Christmas Day.

Yeah, it's out.

This movie comes out. We released. Yeah.

Wow.

Well, we all have seen it and liked it.

That concept looks so stupid for the new one.

Yeah, I don't care what bit. I saw that Ice Cube's in it as well.

As Ice Cube?

As himself.

Yeah, which I thought was one of those stupid things. Like, you really— I guess you show that in the trailer and maybe people go back to see it.

But like, they put in the trailer, and I think that would be the best reveal of the movie. Yes, that'd be the only funny part of the entire movie because they go, Ice Cube! He goes, yay yay! They literally did that. Well, you're ready to see it now.

Yes, the only thing I was excited about. Um. I've never seen any kind all the way through, but it was like one of those movies I always feel like was on like the TV.

I think I think you're fine not seeing it. It's like John Voight and Jennifer Lopez. I think the only reason I wanted to see it was because Jennifer Lopez at the time.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm pretty sure maybe I saw that at a theater that had two screens and was next to Adventure also.

Maybe.

I think there's there's no. I think that movie's theater had eight screens.

Might have. I don't know.

I'm pretty positive it did.

He directed a movie called Crime Zone.

I like the way that sounds. It sounds like a cereal almost. I don't know why.

Nice.

Maybe just crunch.

So, uh, yes, Crime Crunch. Okay, I'm sorry, I was wondering, is it cereal C or with an S? Which one are you doing?

Like a breakfast cereal. Uh, but I guess that doesn't make much sense. Maybe it was— if it was Crime Crunch, it would be Crime Crunch.

It would make more sense, I think. Yeah, but Crime Zone. I would try it if it existed.

Terry, you're in the— you're too agreeable. You need it.

Yeah, sure. If I went down, I was like, okay, here's Frosted Flakes.

You could tell me to shut my mouth and that's fine too.

No, no, no, no. I'm gonna eat Crime Zone for breakfast tomorrow. I'm gonna just crunch up some DVDs. Crime Zone.

I'd try it.

I'd try it. Um, cover art looks really cool. Looks like Judge Dredd kind of vibes.

Uh-huh.

Um, but the trailer did not give me Judge Dredd vibes. Uh, it's like, uh, takes place in the dystopian future. The city's full of weirdos and freaks. At first I was like, okay, Judge Dredd, they're gonna just be killing criminals and stuff. But then it gets a little weird because apparently sex is some sort of like currency in this world, like a federal currency.

Sexes?

Yeah.

All right. I don't know. That's interesting. Yeah, um, it's regulated and everything. I don't really know. I was like confused by this. Um, the 2 main characters want out of this horrible environment with the freaks and weirdos and sex and all this stuff.

Um, makes sense.

And the, uh, there's a character who promises that he can get them out, but he— they need to join him in his rebellious cause. And this guy is played by David Carradine.

Oh, okay. Yeah, Kung Fu himself.

Mm-hmm.

I'd join Mr., uh, anti-Lone Wolf McQuade.

Oh, that's right, he's in Lone Wolf McQuade.

Yeah, he's the evil guy in Lone Wolf McQuade.

I know who shit— who was in love with the same woman.

Yes. Yeah, and they also shared interest in kung fu.

Um, that's— yeah, that sounds so thrilling when you say it like that, but see, like, for now his legacy is forever tainted because of that movie. Yeah, that's all I'll ever know him for.

Oh, and not because of how he died?

No, I mean, he died doing what he loves. That's fine.

I don't know. Yeah, if anything, that helps his cause to me.

Yeah. Um, yeah, whatever. Go on, Terry.

All right, well, let's talk about the writers. So the rioters— the writers— the riot— the writers, not the rioters. There were some riots about this film. Um, no, uh, this movie was written by Michael Frost Beckner and Crash Leland.

Crash?

It's like, yeah, it's a Crash Leland. I wouldn't get too excited because it's a Crash Leland joint. Almost exclusively only his writing credits are on the Sniper franchise, with him writing the first one and the rest just being because he wrote the first one and it's based off his characters.

Gotcha.

He didn't actually write them. They need sequels. Uh, the only non-sniper movie he has a story— a credit for, it's just a story credit, but it's a movie called The Final Cut, and it's about a retired police chief. Uh, he has to come out of retirement to stop a bomber who is terrorizing Seattle.

Okay.

Uh, and I believe Sam Elliott plays the retired police chief.

Huh.

Yeah, trailer looked kind of fine. It has explosions.

Uh-huh.

Bomb defusing. So very thrilling, look kind of interesting. Uh, the other guy, Michael Frost-Begner, he's got a few more writing credits on his name. Uh, although he also has credit on all the Sniper movies for being based off his characters. Uh, he wrote a movie called Cutthroat Island.

I know that movie.

Geena Davis.

Geena Davis.

Yes, yes. It's a pirate adventure film where a group of pirates are racing to find hidden treasure on a hidden island.

Is this like— this is like one of the notoriously, uh, bad movies, biggest box office flop type things?

Yeah, no, I think you're thinking about Volcano Joe or Joe Versus the Volcano. All right, which came out around the same time too.

Could be, I don't know. I can't tell you if this was a flop or not. Did not look like it was a high, uh, you know, grossing film to me, but You never know, could be good. Fun old pirate adventure film. You don't get a lot of those these days, so—

No, you don't.

We got like Pirates of the Caribbean.

There needs to be more swashbuckling.

Yeah, we had some Pirates of the Caribbean, but that was it. And then now those are done again, right? Did we have one recently?

Um, it's been a hot minute.

Yeah, I didn't watch it, whatever it was.

Okay, so Keith, Cutthroat Island was a colossal box office bomb, it says. Oh, grossing around $10 million domestically and $16 million worldwide against a massive $92 to $98 million budget.

Yeah.

Yikes.

You're right.

Not good. Not good. He also wrote something called Prince Valiant. So this is a movie about Morgan le Fay teaming up with a Viking to steal Excalibur from King Arthur.

Interesting.

Uh, but there's a boy named Valiant who must step up to save the day. This boy's been disguising himself as Sir Gawain somehow, and he's I guess thrown into the mix because of this. Ron Perlman's in the movie. Not sure how big of a role, but I thought that was cool. He plays someone called Boltar.

Boltar?

Voltar.

Voltar with a V?

B. Bolt.

Oh, B. Okay, so I was right the first time. Boltar.

Yeah.

All right.

Sounds like an evil minion if I had to guess.

It does. Sounds like an evil something.

Yeah, but good for him. Ron Perlman, I like that guy.

Ron Perlman as Boltar. I bet you if you ask Ron Perlman about being Boltar, he'd go, what?

Yeah, he'd be like, what are you talking about?

There's no way he remembers that role.

You say Voltar?

I don't know what you're talking about.

You'd probably get mad. He's like, how— why would you bring that up? Yes, exactly. Um, it's like everybody's asking about Hellboy. Nobody asked me about this.

Prince Valiant. Nobody ever asked me about being Boltar.

Uh, Tom Berenger is in this movie. He plays Thomas Beckett. So of course he was in Eddie and the Cruisers, which we discussed.

Yes.

Um, some other big things: Platoon, we talked about; Inception; Training Day; The Big Chill, which we've also mentioned on the podcast before. Uh, he was in a couple of Christmas-themed movies, which, since it's close to the holiday season, I figured I'd talk about those. Um, the first one is called The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey.

That sounds amazing.

Does it?

Yes.

Okay. Um, well, you're right, because it's about a young boy. He loses his prized wooden trinket. It's like his only connection to his dead dad.

Uh-huh.

And so he's depressed, and he— him and his mom recruit this guy, Jonathan Toomey, Who's played by Tom Berger, to make a replica of the lost item.

The whole movie's on YouTube. You watch for free, it says.

Yeah, it's a good sign. Toomey is the town weirdo, I guess. Uh, people always think he's—

I love it.

Everybody thinks he's weird. The trailer, kids are following him around making fun of him. They call him Gloomy Toomey. These are like children that are probably like 10. They're running around chasing them. Kids are jerks chasing poor Tom Berger around, calling him Gloomy Toomey. Um, I think he's carrying like a coffin with him, so it was kind of creepy. Um, but, uh, it seems that the way the movie's gonna go is the boy, he lost his trinket, and he's— Toomey and him set the bond as they're trying to perfectly recreate it, and they become good friends. So sounds like a nice—

Find out that Toomey was his father all along.

Oh, he wasn't dead, he just faked his death. to get away from his son and wife, and they showed up. Huh, maybe, maybe that will be the twist. The Christmas miracle of something to me.

Something about that Toomey guy, he looks so familiar.

I really like this guy. I have a connection, I feel like, to him. Huh, it's based off a children's book.

Yeah, he fakes his own death to get away from his wife, but lives in the same town, doesn't leave.

He didn't leave. He's well known in the town. Kids follow him around yelling at him all the time.

And like, he, he didn't take the trinket with him.

Yeah, he has the trinket. He's like using it. Yeah, I would like that twist.

Damn it, I left the trinket before I sneak away.

The only, the only thing that changed is he grew like a mustache or something, so he looks slightly different.

Walks with Olympians, Kaiser Soße.

Yeah, I hope that's the twist. It didn't seem like it in the movie trailer, but I really hope that's what happens. That's hilarious. Um, the other movie that Tom Berenger was in, uh, was called The Gingerbread Man.

Sounds less amazing, but still sounds good.

Yeah, and not to be confused with Ginger Dead Man.

Oh, not to be confused with that. We've talked about that before.

We have talked about that a lot.

Was it this podcast or was it the other one? Uh, I think it was the other one.

I don't remember why we talked about that.

We did another one?

Yeah. I feel like it was tangentially related in a, a skooma may have told us about Gingerdead Man.

Either way, it's important not to get these 2 confused because Gingerbread Man and Gingerdead Man are 2 very different things.

Yes.

They are very different. One is, I think, more Christmas themed than other. I feel like Gingerbread Man is a lot more Christmas-themed. I have not seen that either, but I have a feeling it's more Christmas-themed.

We've watched the trailer. I know we have.

Yes, yes. Gingerbread Man is more of a legal thriller.

Damn, that doesn't light up at all.

No. Um, it's about a lawyer, uh, who helps put his lover's father behind bars.

Oh, I was hoping you'd like Was famous for his red hair.

No, the lawyer is famous for his red hair.

Ginger.

Yeah, he's a gingerbread man.

Oh, I see. That's why they call it that. Yeah.

Anyway, he's a redheaded lawyer. Makes you lots of money.

He makes lots of money. It's like one of those like making bread. Yep. It's like an injury attorney, right?

No, it's not about that at all. Uh, damn. Lawyer puts his lover's dad behind bars because his lover's dad is a psycho.

Oh, wow. Well, I guess, I mean, his intentions are good. His motive is good.

Yeah. I'm like, you know what? Sure. Maybe you're personally involved, but he's a bad guy. So throw him in jail. He's like stalking his daughter. He's doing all sorts of stuff. Uh, things, things go bad when the dad escapes jail.

Oh, that always happens too.

He wants, he wants revenge. So of course, the this dad he blows up the lawyer's car. He starts stalking the lawyer and his kids. Um, he's very unhinged. Um, like the trailer's like like acting like the lawyer's the bad guy. Like why would you ever get involved in something like? It's like you're a lawyer and like it's not that bad what you did. You're supposed to put him in jail. Like who could have predicted he'd get out? I don't think it's the lawyer's fault. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know, but who could say? I don't think it's Christmas themed at all, although in the trailer they do go like, run, run as fast as you can, you can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man.

They say that's a Christmas song. That's just like a kid's rhyme.

That's true.

Not Christmas related at all. Isn't it the gingerbread man, he jumps, tries to jump over the— or he gets the alligator to get him across the river and the alligator eats him?

Really?

I think so.

You might be right. I don't know.

Or the fox. I don't know.

I think— oh, you're right, because you have to trust. It's like with the scorpion and the toad.

Yeah, a lot like that.

I gotta get me across the river. I hope you don't eat me.

Yeah.

And then of course you get eaten. Uh, or the, or the reverse and the scorpion stings you on the back or whatever.

Yeah.

Or what were those, the, the, the Japanese kaiju that was like a turtle?

The kappa?

Yeah, those guys.

Do not go with a kappa across the river. No, I can't remember why.

They do something nasty and I don't remember what it is.

They suck out your soul. Through your butt, right? Through your butt. I'm pretty sure.

Yeah, that's right.

I'm pretty sure that's right.

Is that what you said?

A capybara?

Not a capybara, a kappa.

Ah, okay.

We've talked about these before.

Japanese water demon.

Yeah.

Or spirit. I think he's just a spirit. I don't know if he's a demon, but yeah, he's— I think they try to suck your soul out, and I'm pretty sure it's through your butt. I don't know if that's true. Look, I feel like we've talked about this a little so long ago, and I don't remember the exact details.

I feel like we talked about a long time ago, and we talked about it not so long ago. And now we're talking about it again, and it's like a telephone game. Like each time we talk about it, we're just trying to remember what we remembered previously.

It gets more insane every time. But I agree, I wouldn't trust a kappa across the river either. Anyways, Billy Zane is also in this movie.

We're really on Billy Zane?

That's as far as we're gonna get too.

Uh, good. Shoot.

He plays Richard Miller. Uh-huh. Um, I mean, Tom Berenger, Billy Zane, these are like the really the only 2 characters in this film.

The only 2 that matter. Yeah.

Yeah, Billy Zane has quite the varied career. He's in Titanic, Back to the Future 1 and 2, MacGruber, Tombstone.

Okay.

Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight.

Wow. Okay.

He was good in that movie. I liked that a lot.

Is that the one with Des Miller in it?

I don't know that.

There's 2 Tales from the Crypt movies. No, no, he's in Bordello of Blood.

Yeah, the Demon's Night's really good. Dwayne The Rock Johnson plays the villain in that. He's just okay, very charismatic demon guy. He was in a video game movie that I didn't know existed, Dead Rising Endgame.

I had no idea.

I didn't know they made any Dead Rising movies at all.

I didn't know either.

Apparently it's a Crackle original film.

Crackle? What is Crackle?

I don't know what Crackle is, uh, but another one of those things that came out Probably right at the beginning of the pandemic.

It's giving me—

I think it's what— I think Tubi or Pluto eventually is what took over.

Crackle is a free-to-use streaming service with a huge library of free movies and TV shows just for you to watch.

Just for me?

Just for me, I guess.

It did give me some good ideas for a future category. Crackle original films might be coming up.

I don't, I don't like this.

Uh, I just, on, there's crack. It's, it is huge. Is Crackle really free and legal? All streaming services come at a price, but for Crackle users, that, that price is just the occasional advert.

Wow.

Each advert runs at about 30 seconds and you can expect a few of these every 10 to 15 minutes. It's an ad-supported streaming service. It's just like Pluto, it sounds like, or Tubi or.

Yeah, with their own original films too.

Do you want to know what devices you can get Crackle on?

Yes.

Fire Stick, Apple TV, Android TV, Roku Ultra, most major game consoles, desktop computers, and tablets.

I get it pretty much anywhere. On my phone?

Sounds like it. Yeah.

Okay. All right. Well, I'll have to start diving into this Crackle stuff. I'll get back to you guys.

However, like, just Googling the word Crackle doesn't get me like their webpage. I don't know if they exist anymore.

Oh, that's sad. Maybe they got picked up by like Tubi or something.

No, the Crackle streaming service essentially no longer exists in a functional capacity. Its parent company, Chicken Soup for the Soul Entertainment, filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy, leading to the shutdown of Crackle and other services. Though the apps might still be on devices, they produce errors, and the website is down or nonfunctional, marking the end of this pioneering free streaming platform.

That's too bad. I didn't know Chicken Soup for the Soul owned them. That's—

it was originally a Sony service that was sold to Chicken Soup for the Soul. Sony sold it in 2019.

Wow. Sony was desperate.

What a down— what a major shift from being owned by Sony.

You hear the crackle offices. Yeah, like, you know, life is good.

We're not—

we might be doing great, but at least Sony's got our back.

We're getting in— we're getting ready to hit this, like, the streaming wars big here for 2019. Uh, Chicken Soup for the Soul on line 1.

They just bought us. Yeah, that's a sign that things are not— I don't have trust in that at all.

Yeah, and when Chicken Soup for the Soul, they acquired— boy, Chicken Soup for the Soul, they did gangbusters. They, they acquired Crackle, then they acquired Redbox.

Whoa.

And both of those went under.

Well, because Chicken Soup for the Soul filed Chapter 7 bankruptcy in 2024, and as part of that liquidation of Crackle And they ceased to exist. Operation Amp stopped working.

Yeah, I don't like that. That's, uh, that's kind of— you know what, it's kind of sad that the Chicken Soup would have sold people, you know, like, who was running their company? Uh, you know what, we really don't need the Chicken Soup anymore, guys.

Why did they own Crackle?

Why did they buy Redbox? It doesn't make any sense.

Let's get in your lane. What are you doing? This is random. Crackle?

They used to see like a book. They would find it like Walden books just sitting there. Oh yeah.

Are you familiar?

Yeah. Are you familiar with those?

Yes, I do. My, my, uh, I, I've read some of those books. I've read some of those books back in the day as a young boy.

And just heartwarming stories, right?

Yeah. It's just nice positivity.

Yes. Yeah. But, but that like, apparently like nowadays we don't need anymore.

Oh God.

Yeah.

They went on their— they're like, we're out of positivity.

We're out, we're out, we're out of chicken soup, people.

Fuck you, positivity. Um, yeah.

What's the opposite of chicken soup for the soul? What's like the reverse?

Oh, like chili. Yeah, I was gonna say chili as well. I was trying to think of like really hot chili, like spicy chili for the soul.

Sort of like curry, spicy curry.

Yeah.

You want my soul to be burning and on fire, giving me like heart palpitations. Anyways, so Dead Rising— the— in Dead Rising: Endgame is a movie that exists. I didn't know this existed. All right, it's, it's about a guy. He has to infiltrate the quarantine zone that's filled with zombies to uncover a military conspiracy.

Makes sense.

They're kidnapping people and taking them there. They may have started the outbreak, who could say? It's a conspiracy.

Can't say.

Yeah, you need to get to the bottom of it.

Uh-huh.

Of course, it's all for the greater good according to the military guy in the trailer. But, um, I don't know. I don't know.

I'm still skeptical.

Uh, apparently this is a sequel to a different Dead Rising movie. So there's multiple of these things. Wow. Um, but yeah, I didn't know. I liked the games. I only played the first 2. Um, I really liked them as a kid. Maybe I'll watch the movies. Maybe we'll watch the movies someday.

Goddamn, Terry, that was close.

That was close, wasn't it?

We got so close to Sniper. But not too close because he would've heard us coming and shot us in the head.

Would've been a bullseye if I had done that.

Would've been that.

Not a warning shot.

No, no warning shots.

All right. One shot, one kill, baby.

One shot, one kill. One shot, 2 kills. That's the ultimate goal.

Mm-hmm.

Should happen. That's what, that's what every sniper wants.

I, I would love that.

Yeah.

If I was a sniper, I'm playing like a video game. 2, 1 shot, 2 kills. Oh, that's the dream.

I agree. Whenever you get like some sort of piercing attack on any game and you get 2 kills because you line them up, that's the best.

Yep. Yep.

All right. We got dangerously, dangerously close to Sniper. Now we should talk about our viewing of Sniper 1993.

Yes. Yes, I think we should.

I kind of think that's what we're That's the whole point of what we're doing.

We're legally obligated.

I hadn't seen this movie in a long time, so I was going into it to see, was I a stupid child or not when I saw this and liked it the first time?

Mm-hmm. What'd you think?

I don't think I was that stupid. It was— oh God, can I just say the music of this movie is terrible?

It's so generic. Yeah.

It is so generic '90s action, but it is— this is a quintessential '90s action movie. And it had some very cool scenes, actually.

Yeah, there were some decent moments. It is very like— to me, it is like in general kind of just, yeah, like '90s action vibe, generic-ish. Like, it's not necessarily horrible, but yeah, it is kind of just like a palatable, like, okay, I'm just gonna watch some guys hang out in the jungle for a while.

Yep, shoot some guns, hang out in the jungle. Yep, yep.

There's the, the knowledgeable guy and there's the young buck who has to learn. Yep. The thing you've seen a million times.

It is, it is super cliché. It is the super experienced sniper guy that knows the way of the land because he's entrenched in it. The cocky young guy that gets thrown into it that doesn't want to be there. And then everybody else who doesn't know any better. Any— the old man constantly chastises them and corrects them.

Yeah, I think this is definitely like one of those things where You know, like Derek, if you and I saw this as, as 18-year-olds, like our, our movie watching palate, probably not very refined at that point.

No, not refined at all.

And, and probably thought that this was like amazing. I love it.

I remember loving it when it came out.

Yeah. And then watching it now, like I'm immediately like noticing like just massive things that are just, oh, like, uh, really? They did that?

Yeah.

Things that probably looked awesome also in 1993 that just nowadays you're like, eh. Like the, the, like the, you know, watching the bullet, and they would do that every now and then to show like the bullet flying through. Like you actually got like a quick look at its, uh-huh, like its trajectory going. And I bet you in like '93, that like was probably almost groundbreaking to see it like that.

Yeah. And I still thought it was kind of cool. I mean, it's quick. It didn't linger on it too long, so it's kind of, it wasn't too bad.

I thought. There are things they did whereas like, I know what they wanted to do, but they just didn't know how to do them. Yeah, and I, I don't know if I'd give him a better idea, but when— after Billy Zane finally gets his first kill.

Yeah.

And he's in the jungle and he's kind of just seeing ghosts.

Yes, that's kind of jarring.

It's jarring, but you know who does it so well is in Fury Road when, uh, uh, when Mad Max like keeps seeing that kid and the old man every time he looks down. Like it's done so well in that movie.

Like talking to him and stuff. Yeah.

I'm kind of like retrofitting what I want it to be from seeing it done really well by George Miller into a movie that came out 35 years ago or 40 years ago.

Yeah.

Trying to like, oh, I wish it would have done it like that 30 years ago. Damn it.

It would have been more artistic.

But I knew what they were trying to do. Like he's seeing ghosts, he's shooting at his shadow, he's seeing some kid, he's seeing the priest, you know, he's seeing all these things.

Yeah.

like he's losing it, he's losing himself. I like that. I really like that as a character twist. It just— it, it's, it's not done cleanly in a way that makes you like really buy into it.

No, it's not. They don't build up to it quite right, and they kind of do the— yeah, it's kind of jarring when it happens. Whoa. Oh, okay, I see what— you know, it takes you a second to realize like, oh, I see what you're going for kind of thing. But yeah, I like that idea too. I just don't think they like Built up to that moment where he like kind of snaps at the you know because at the end they he snaps like the young guy like kind of loses it and they start fighting when he starts fighting with the old guy and I'm like whoa whoa yeah all of a sudden he's hunting him for yeah why like like what this I mean I get they're mad at each other all the time but I think almost like almost like he's like yeah I'm a lot better than I let on because he's got his silver medal from the Olympics out there with him yeah.

He leaves it hanging there.

I don't think they did a good job with Billy Zane's character being shown to actually be semi-competent, even if he's not used to being in this situation. Like, yes, I feel like why would they even send this guy? You know, like, it doesn't make any sense.

A lot of time with SWAT in the urban jungle, in the urban jungle.

It doesn't make any sense. Why would you not just have Tom Berenger be the main point guy on this? Like, why do you have to send Billy Zane's guy in here?

Okay, so Worthless. So that's part of like, I think that's another thing. Like when I was young, I don't think I was like picking out like big plot point misses and errors here, but like they tell him, hey, if Beckett doesn't do what you want him to do, or if this fails, you're supposed to take him out. All right, well, they've grown a little cold on You know, he's got 74 confirmed kills and now they kind of want to put him out to pasture. It's kind of what seems to be the thing going on. Like, they kind of, like, they kind of lead to like maybe that's gonna happen, and then that doesn't really come back around that much.

Because he's not crazy. He's, he's actually the most sane of them all.

Yeah.

Like, and he's given the worst job possibly known. Like, you just have to be a killer.

Yeah. to go live out in the jungle for months and you got to wait for the right guy to show up and shoot him and then run away. Like, that's your job is every time. It's just brutal. Yeah.

And when he speaks, he's super reasonable. It's not like he wants to be a killer. Like, he— it's his job. Like, I get it, you know, like right and wrong and all this stuff. But like, he's the most sensible character in the whole movie. But these— they try to portray him like Keith said, it's like this Guy they want to get rid of.

He's like he lets it slip, lets it slip a few times where he's like, you know, do it. Feel that rush. Feel the rush. You know, like the kill type thing.

Well, because it's kill or be killed. He's he's he's got to hold up his his end of the bargain. Yeah. You're out here in a war zone, man.

He doesn't want some yeah new green guy to help him because he wants someone who knows what they're doing. And yeah, like it doesn't make sense. It's almost like they didn't want this mission to succeed. Yeah, I don't understand why. Yeah, an Olympic gold medalist out there or something.

That makes no sense.

Like, he's like— it would be better if like he had some moments where he shows Tom Berger, okay, he's actually pretty good. Like, if he does something, shoots something, then like Tom Berger's like, wow, you actually did. You know, like the scene with the helicopters, like, that's almost impossible. And I know the whole point is that he never got his first kill, so he couldn't have shot that guy. But like, stuff— something he did, something crazy like that, where it's like, whoa. he's actually like, maybe he's a better shot than me, but he just doesn't have like the jungle— I don't know, he needed something to prove that he was worth bringing along, you know?

You never see him shoot a rifle until the, the moment where he does the, uh, he does the warning shot and then shoots at the guy and doesn't hit him, I guess. And then he kills Ochoa or whatever his name is. That's the only time he only shot a rifle like 3 times, and then he shot his shadow like 4 times.

Yes, yes. And he tried to shoot Tom Berenger a couple times.

And I think like, you know, and J.T. Walsh really sells him up like, hey, whoa, whoa, he was, you know, top recruit out of the thing, and they— he was Olympic medalist, and they, you know, they, they put him in with SWAT for a while. But they kind of like really selling them up that the kid's got these skills, he just doesn't have the jungle time.

Yeah, they should have opened with the Tom Berenger thing, losing his partner and all this stuff. Yeah, like it was— that, that was a color-by-numbers sort thing, but set with a sniper thing. I thought sniper stuff was cool. Then they should have cut to Billy Zane shooting targets or something like doing something cool.

Like maybe he's on a SWAT mission or, you know, like, yeah, maybe he's on a rooftop of, you know, someplace in like downtown DC and he's taking somebody out.

Honestly, I think it would be better doing that, better starting with Billy Zane's character because Tom Berger should be more of a mystery. Like, what am I getting? I agree with that. Yeah, like, we don't— this guy, they talk about him like he's dangerous. He's got 74 kills. Who? He's been living out in the jungle, like, just by himself basically for this all this time.

Like, they, they warn him right away when, when Billy Zane shows up at the, like, the base, like, bar. Like, you're gonna end up on his, you know.

Yeah, but the thing is, we'd already seen him and we'd seen what happened.

Yeah, it's not his fault at all.

Yeah. No, no. Now that's another problem I have here is There's this like rogue sniper guy who he apparently trained, and he's not the main villain.

He should be the main villain.

He's he is a just a yeah he's a toss away basically.

He's just like a random encounter.

Yeah, he gets shot in the eye, and I love that scene.

That was a cool scene. Right?

That's my favorite scene in all of Sniper, and I that's the only scene I remembered from Sniper. I remember it being like I remember it being such a badass scene.

That is cool. That was really cool. And then there's Billy Zane is bait. I like that.

Yeah. And the knife in the water and the— yeah.

The mystery military guy who's sitting in that room, like, looking at, you know, like a brief and like not talking and stuff like that. Like, you almost think like he should be coming back around at some point in time. Like, like they should have flashed back, or not flashback, but like somehow cut back to like this, the guys like that were trying to pull this thing off and be like, you know, like, uh, like getting reports back of like Oh man, that didn't work. Um, all right, like they somehow like pushing that part because otherwise Billy Zane, I mean, he's out there and he's supposed to be in charge. He takes— he's the backup the entire time. Yeah, right till the end.

The fact they gave him like command, why, is ridiculous. It makes zero sense.

He doesn't know what he's doing. Just let him help. If anything, it should have been like— here's another idea is like, okay, Billy Zane's character, you are— this should be a Through and through simple operation. We're gonna get you some experience. We want you, you know, you've seen your potential. We're gonna send you out with the expert to like, you know, so it should be a walk in the park, you know, just follow what he does. Something like that. Like, why is he in charge of this at all? Yeah, he's an Olympic gold medalist, a SWAT team guy. He's never been in the jungle. Why is he in charge?

Yeah, exactly. It doesn't make any sense at all.

And also, Tom Barringer has like all these connects throughout the jungle, like The one guy who sees something and wants the glasses.

Yeah.

And then like, okay, we need to go. We need to take out the surgeon guy for them. And if we do that, then they'll help us get to the next thing and stuff like that. And he doesn't explain any of this stuff to him. Obviously he doesn't trust him 100% because the guy's new, but he also doesn't explain to him. Hey, we're gonna meet up with like some people in a little bit, and from there, you know, we need to help some— like, we need, you know, scratch somebody's back and they'll scratch our back type thing, and they'll get us to where we need to be to pull this whole mission off.

Yeah, it— I do like Tom Berenger's character, and I like that he has all these like weird connections and stuff. Like, I like his vibe. He knows what he's doing, and he has like— yeah, he— oh, here's the random people who live out in the jungle, and or like the rebels or whatever too. And I think that's a cool like aspect that he's, you know, makes sense. He's been out there for so long that he, he's like kind of doing his own thing out there even though he's following the mission. Like, yeah, we're supposed to kill that guy, but we're gonna make a pit stop here because we're gonna kill this other guy too. And then, oh, if we see this guy while we're there, we might as well shoot him. Yeah, I kind of like that he's like got like the lay of the land and he's basically, he's got like the politics and everything worked out already.

Yeah, like, plus, plus then you've got, you know, and then you've also got the rogue sniper guy who's— yeah, again, he goes, oh, it's somebody I trained. It's a Panamanian guy.

That's an interesting lore. I like that. Yeah. I'm like, oh really?

His name's Da Silva. I trained him, you know, blah, blah, blah. Okay.

Well, all right.

Maybe we don't need to concentrate on getting us to that thing where you're both supposed to be taking the shot at the exact same time where you're, you're literally hiding by a bunch of like dried out hay, but you're wearing these green Uh, camouflage suits that make you stick out like a sore thumb, like while you're trying to figure out— skip that part. Like, or at least just maybe take out one of the guys as the mission and not that, because you can focus on more of the backstory and the lore of what's this connection between Beckett and Da Silva, and why is, why is Da Silva trying to shoot him and take him out now? Or why is he trying to take out all his spotters?

Hmm.

And those are things that I think I would not have cared much for at At 18, uh, you know.

Nope.

But they're like— I mean, every like sniper setup scene is pretty darn cool.

Yeah, and it's a cool perspective that I feel like doesn't happen. We don't see a lot like the sniper as the main character. Like usually it's just like a normal Marine or, you know, frontline kind of guy rather than like the—

That we get the pack of guys who go out as opposed to like— yes, they're outcasts because it's just 2 of them or sometimes even one. And I like that, that they're out there you know, pair of guys who are out there and they're relying on each other. Also, I would never want to do that ever. It looks so hot.

Oh God.

And I would have been— I would have been so sick.

Gabe is worried about the heat and the sweat.

What about the giant bugs and peeing in the river and the bugs go in your pee hole?

I like—

I like that scene. That like— they would never expect anybody to be in here because it'd be insane.

They would never expect anybody to be sleeping like that either.

Like, he's holding on to a branch. Yeah.

Holding onto a branch and also like kind of like having his gun, like his arms are almost up like you would see, like, uh, like almost like crucified a bit. It looks like the way he's got his arms like resting on there without falling further into the water. And he's like sound asleep having dreams about like stuff, other stuff that's happened.

Yeah. Yeah. And there's like parasites and yeah.

Yep.

I'm not getting in that river. Yeah.

Just take, no, just take your horse pill. You'll be all right.

Yeah, Tom Barringer is actually really pretty good in this movie.

I like him. Yeah, yeah.

Billy Zane, I did not care for at all.

He's not that great. He's fine, but he's not— this character is not that good either though.

No, I like how they tried to make him— he's wearing that hat, the sunglasses, he's got the Gucci flash.

Yeah, the Gucci flash.

Everything he does is fish out of water. Yeah, right. And, and it's funny because he's so He is a liability in his position. Yeah, to Tom Barringer. Like, they should both— Tom Barringer and Billy Zane should both be dead. Not the actors, but their characters should both be dead in this movie because of the way Billy Zane was. Like, the moment they landed, they should have both been killed.

He's so obvious. Yeah, like, yes, he doesn't blend in at all. He's not supposed to be there. Like, that just doesn't make sense.

Also, he lands and Barringer— like, and he goes right to that bar thing and Barringer grabs like There's no debriefing for the fact that you and like 5 of your guys just got killed? Like, yeah, that dude gets shot through the bottom of the helicopter right through while he's taking a drink.

That was a weird scene. We did not need that scene at all. Well, we needed that scene just to see Billy Zane not kill that guy, but we could have seen it later when he tries to shoot the guy on the boat.

That's also—

those 2 were talking so much trash and then they get shot and the one dude's just freaking out like, ah, he's like, give me your Yeah. Give me your measure. Yeah. This is—

I thought this was gonna be a moment where we see he's competent, but all he does is—

Like him be a badass.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And like save that guy from dying. But no, instead he's just— yeah. And then you get the pilot who's like, use his guns.

Shoot, shoot him, shoot him. Instead of just landing the helicopter or flying it away. You're in a mission.

Fly away. First bullet that goes through that helicopter, I'm going, I'm leaving. That's fine.

The one guy, take us down, take us down.

No, no, you shoot, use your gun. Just go away. That's so fast, you'll be gone in 5 seconds.

Yeah, why were you lingering?

You don't have to kill that guy. I know he shot your guy, but just fly away. It's not worth it. Maybe that's why I'm not in the Army, but— or Marines, but just fly away.

That's why.

I think that's why the main reason I just fly away.

Yeah, it's really weird. Like the Billy Zane character's motivation is very limited. I don't understand like what his motivation is at all, or why he's even this role.

Why is he willing to do this?

Yeah, why would he? Why would he be like, all right? Like it makes zero sense.

It's a. Have you guys seen the movie Sicario?

I I know I haven't seen it. I know of it.

Yes.

Yeah, I I saw like once at. At some point. I don't think I was fully paying attention.

That's a Denis Villeneuve movie too.

Yes, it's one of my favorites of his.

It's supposed to be really, really good.

I haven't seen it. It's not like this really at all, but it kind of makes me think about it in some ways where it could have went in that direction a little bit, where it's like more of a— in that movie, it's like kind of the same setup where it's like this, the main character, the, uh, what's her name? Emily, whoever the main actress is.

Emily Blunt, I think.

Yeah. Yeah, she's in it and she's constantly the whole movie, she's like, why am I here? Why am I doing this? Like, she doesn't even— she doesn't understand what's going on, which makes it really kind of tense. And like, what's happening? That could have been a very interesting dynamic here where Billie Jean's like, why are you sending me out in the jungle? You know, like, if there was some sort of like more political, like, well, we have to send a civilian out there because we can't have an official military something, you know, like if they had some sort of weird ulterior motives where like the political system was like maneuvering these 2 to do something. I don't know. It could have been a lot more interesting than just like kind of generic go kill the non-fleshed-out whatever, you know, drug lord or whoever we— they killed the rebel leader or something. I don't know, it just was kind of— they don't, you know, they don't go into it. Yeah, they don't explain it at all. There's no justification to why they're doing this.

There could have been a very cool movie here.

Yes, there's a lot of potential.

There's just— there's things that are cool in this movie. Yeah. And I think, I think it's one of those movies that fails because like somebody came up with like some really cool scenes Yes. Like, oh, what if we did this and now we did this and then later we did this and now we got to figure out a movie that connects these 3 cool moments together.

I've got a title: Sniper. Yeah. Whoa.

Or like the guy who came up with the idea of having like—

that was going to be the alternate title. Or the guy who shoots people.

No, uh, the, the, the, you know, the former like apprentice type guy who's now coming back and taking out the other spotters. Like, that's kind of set up there, and then maybe like that writer was like, I gotta go work on something else.

Yeah. Well, did we do it, boys? Did we get through Sniper?

I think we hit our mark.

We did hit our mark with Sniper. All right, Sniper 1993, we got through it. What'd you guys think?

I, I mean, it doesn't It doesn't hold up. I mean, this is another one that, that's been sitting on the list of, I should probably rewatch that one day. And it doesn't, it doesn't fully hold up. It, it's in the realm of like a certain list of like '90s, late '80s, early '90s.

It's very '90s.

Very '90s.

Yeah.

And, uh, it, yeah, I, there's parts, again, there's parts, I think, Derek, you said there's parts that are kind of cool in this, and then there's other parts you're like, And, um, you know, so it's right around there for me, I think. Just the—

Yeah, I didn't enjoy it that much. It has kind of that vibe though, like the '90s vibe, which sometimes I have the hankering to watch. Like, just generic action movie from the '90s. Uh, there are some stuff that I think elevates it slightly above maybe generic, like with some of the sniper battles and stuff. I thought that was cool, but it's really just dragged down by, I think, just the story. It's just kind of a mess. The character— Billy Zane's character is just lame, and I don't— they never do anything to justify his skills or the reason why he should be there. They tell us that he's a great shooter and stuff, but we don't really ever see him do anything that cool. Tom Berger does a pretty good job as Tom Beckett, but you know, his character is fine. He's interesting-ish, but they could have done a lot more with this movie. I think there's a lot of missed potential, I think, is the problem. Yeah, I don't know, it's kind of just a meh. I didn't enjoy it that much.

Not a lot of long-term potential. I think they, I think they hit the mark for what they were doing in '93.

I mean, they have 8 sequels, so yeah, I guess it worked out.

I mean, this, this movie's got legs apparently.

Uh, there's a lot to, to go over, you know. They got— they left a lot of threads in this one.

Well, a lot of loose threads, a lot, a lot of untapped potential. So 30 years ago, I thought this movie was badass. Uh, 30 years later, it's just meh. It's— I, I don't think it's a bad movie. I don't think it's a good movie though, if that makes sense, right? Like, I'm not like gonna burn this DVD in the backyard, but I'm not gonna be— I'll never watch it again after today. I like— it's one of those I, I wish I would have never seen again because the memories of it being good far outweigh rewatching.

Yes.

Um, I do think that Sniper v. Sniper scene that should have been the ultimate, you know, bad guy fight that happened at the 50-minute mark was still cool. Him taking that bullet through the eye through the scope is badass.

That was awesome.

I don't care what anybody says. That is super cool. I love it.

Well, was it that cool? I don't know.

No. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was good.

It was cool. So another scene that I think that the writer thought of and then tried to work into a movie was the sniper getting his finger cut off. Oh, and then having to shoot left-handed.

Yeah, that's cool.

But, but that's totally— or shoot with his middle finger, like, or shoot with his middle finger, but then he switched to his left hand, right? To me, that is like, oh, and then what if the ultimate sniper, like, he just loves his finger, it's his trigger finger. What if he loses that finger and then what happens, right? Like, to me, that's, that was like a thing they thought of and then worked the script around. It was a movie that was fine.

It exists.

It exists. It exists. Well, we know what we thought. What did the internet have to say? Well, on Veterans Day of 2005, RedCell_6 had this to say. Must see.

Period.

One shot, one kill, no exceptions. That's in quotes. A must-see if you are into Marines or snipers.

That makes sense. Yeah.

2 big thumbs up. I guess his thumbs. Great overall storyline, great camera work, good drama, action, details, and more. Pretty close to the real thing.

Oh, okay.

Blessing.

Is this a sniper that wrote this review?

Based on playing, based on playing Call of Duty, I think this is pretty accurate.

But this isn't a film to break down and pick out the editing flaws.

The editing flaws.

This is to sit back and have a good 99 mins.

Okay.

The plot has some depth, but this movie isn't really about making you think.

No. It's—

Terry. It's about enjoying the sniper life. It's about enjoying the sniper lifestyle in action.

Wow, the sniper lifestyle. I would not want to live the sniper lifestyle.

That is amazing. That's an amazing collection of words right there. Ah, whoo. Sniper 2 and 3 are pretty good follow-ups, but the first is still the best overall movie. I'm curious. Tom Berenger does a great job playing his character and showing the hidden side of the sniper life.

The hidden side.

I can't do it. This review is too good. The playing The plane of dealing with all of the death. I'm assuming this will be pain, but it says plane. Must see, must see for sniper fans.

That means okay. I mean, I'm sure there are.

Well, obviously you would have seen this if you were a sniper fan because you were a fan of the movie, or just no, you just like sniper lifestyle.

If you're a fan of the sniper life, this is up for you. Twenty-one found it helpful. 8, not so much. 10 out of 10.

Hashtag sniper life.

Yeah.

Yep.

That's sniper life. I was not ready for that. And my life has been changed after.

Oh, that's amazing.

What, what, what else do you think is involved in the sniper lifestyle? I don't know.

Trumping through the mud.

Covering yourself in grass, shooting things. I don't know what else you do.

Sitting in a river hoping you don't have to pee.

Sniper life. Hashtag sniper life.

Hashtag sniper life. All right, painting your face with, uh, camouflage.

Oh, that's so funny. Billy Zane's like got the makeup compact out, looking in the mirror, putting on— they tried to make him—

what, I missed a spot?

So fish out of water. It's so funny. All right, not to be outdone, on March 17th, 2009— oh, St. Patrick's Day 2009. Oh, we had Veterans Day and now St. Patrick's Day.

Got, got real drunk and watched Sniper.

Bernie-122 had this to say. Awful. I will warn you here, colon.

I—

not warning your colon, but the colon breath.

I don't think you're colon.

Colon. I choose to believe those reviewers who said that this wasn't an action film in the usual sense Rather a psychological drama, so you should appreciate it on the basis and you will be all right.

Huh?

Choose to believe chose to believe those reviewers. Okay, let me start over again. I will warn you here, Colin. I chose to believe those reviewers who said this wasn't an action film in the usual sense, rather a psychological drama, so you should appreciate it on the basis and you will be all right. So. This person, Bernie-122, read a review that said it was a psychological drama and went off that.

Yeah, no, it's not.

I'm here to tell you they were wrong. Completely wrong. Well, no, not completely. It is very disappointing if you are looking for an action flick. They were right about that. But it is also very unsatisfying on all other levels as well. Tom Berenger wasn't too bad, I suppose. No worse than usual. But what possessed them to cast Billy Zane in this? Was it some sort of death wish on the part of the producers? A way to make their film guaranteed flop? In that case, it worked. If they were actually aiming for success, then why not cast somebody who can act? Oh, and might as well go for a screenwriter who knows how to write.

Oh, that— yeah. Wow.

Ah, yes, and a director who knows how to direct.

Okay.

As someone who sat through this mess actually believing it would shortly redeem itself, I can assure you it never did. Pity, it could have been a good film.

Yeah.

2 found it helpful, 9 not so much. 1 out of 10.

Give them credit for sitting through it all the way. Good for you. I don't like it when the reviewer gets a 1 out of 10, says, meh, sat for 10 minutes and hated it, so I stopped.

Yes, yes, they watched the whole movie at least. Thank you, Birdie-122.

Thank you for your service in the sniper life. Yeah, hashtag sniper life.

Oh, we did it, guys! We got through the mysterious month 13.

That's true. I'm happy that we did.

We got through 4 movies that the wheel spared us at the beginning and then came through in the clutch at the end.

I feel like it still spared us.

It did.

Yes, it could have been a lot worse.

It could have been a lot worse. It could have been a lot like Sniper.

I didn't really like that much, but I have a feeling that some of the other picks I made could have been a lot worse.

And Sniper was not the worst movie we watched this, this year.

No, not at all.

No, no, it wasn't good. Not in particular, but it wasn't the worst. No. Well, now we got housekeeping to do. Keith's probably got that spreadsheet like fired up. He's revving it up.

Oh, we have to rank them, don't we?

We gotta rank these motherfuckers.

Yeah. Oh gosh, I forgot something.

Motherfucking Mr. Terrific.

It's classic line.

We gotta rank these 4 movies. I have my— I have my 4.

So we have Romancing the Stone, Superman.

Oh yeah, Keith, remind us, remind us what we had.

We had Romancing the Stone.

Yes.

We had Superman from 2025.

Yeah.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Correct. And Sniper.

Sniper.

I think I've got mine too.

I think I got my 4, I think.

All right, uh, Derek, go ahead and go first so you, you don't get to go first all the time here.

I'm going Superman because it's my favorite movie of the year.

Makes sense.

I love the movie. I love it so much. And then Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, which I love as well. I do really love that movie, but just not as much as Superman. Now these 2 are tough, and I don't— I'm gonna flip-flop and juggle them in my head until I actually say them out loud. I'm gonna go Romancing the Stone because of what's-her-face. I can't even think of her name.

Yeah, Jessica Rabbit.

Jessica Rabbit is in that movie, and therefore it wins.

Joan Roberts.

Sniper has a bullet to the eye. Which wins as well on, on any other occasion, but Jessica Rabbit is the, the winner. Kathleen Turner.

Yeah. Yes, I am, uh, I am gonna match that same number system with you.

Yeah. All right.

Well, to, uh, I'm gonna follow in the steps of greatness and also exactly follow that. I agree Superman's the best by a large margin. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon was pretty good. Then it was harder to decide, but I think Romeo and Juliet I like slightly more, and then Sniper.

Two jungle movies we were battling out there for the the jungle movies.

Yeah, that's true. That'd be a great category.

Jungle movies? Well, there's two that we can't.

Dang, you're right. That's we might not have enough now.

Oh, that'd be great. We we'll rewatch them.

There's George of and I after that I couldn't eat Jungle Book. Jungle Book. Jungle Fever.

Jungle Fever. Duel for the Twist.

Very good.

Yes.

Book of Magwai or Magwali or whatever.

Yeah, Magwai. I'm not watching any of those.

Oh, wait, wait till jungle movies could happen.

Time comes. Oh God, we did it, guys! We got through, we got through 52 weeks.

Trilogies we all matched up: RoboCop, Buckaroo Banzai, Back to the Future Part II, and then Rebirth of Mothra.

The fact that Buckaroo Banzai came in second place that month is amazing.

Yeah, it's a dark horse.

We and we we had we had a lot of other ones were just one of us yeah switched it up yeah yep yep all right cool so two months where we matched up and one was month thirteen this month wasn't too bad I look we could have been a lot worse there were a lot worse honestly oh yeah could have been way worse so I'm happy I'm happy this devil's dog could have been way better Hercules dog but uh fast too fast Fast and Furious. Yeah, there could have been a lot of— there were some ones we could have replaced, but that's okay. That's all right. Now, normally we would be saying what's next month, but we're not going to do that just yet because we're going to do a recap episode. We're going to look back on our year of fumbling.

Yes.

Yes. And then inspired by— what was that guy's name?

The 100 Greatest Movies Before You Die.

Steven Schneider. Steven Schneider and his 1,001 Movies You Have to Watch Before You Die. We're going to add our first 10 movies to the 1,001 Bubbling Movies You Have to Watch Before You Die.

Mm-hmm, that's true. Right, we're gonna make our own.

It's gonna take a long time for us to get to 1,001, but we're gonna do it.

Yeah, and it's gonna be really hard to land exactly on 1,001.

I think, uh, I think we— the alternate title for this would be the, uh, the Film Fumbler's Guide to Movies, just in case we don't hit 1,001.

Yeah, it's gonna be like that. Our attempt to get to 1,001, but we don't have 100 years left in us. We don't have 100 years left in the tank.

The lawyers— I, I passed the stuff to the lawyers for them to start getting the copyright done, and, um, they sent back notes and said we probably shouldn't commit to 1,001 after that.

I just— I don't, I don't have, I don't have 100 years in me, Keith. I don't know about you, but I believe you guys do, Terry. That would make me the oldest man ever.

Well, if we're gonna upload your consciousness, that's true.

Oh yeah, eventually the algorithms will. We're gonna.

I'm gonna.

AI will eventually start figuring it out for us.

Yeah, I think I will predict all of our movies before we even have them down.

Yeah, I don't want that to happen. I I like the organic nature of the way we do things.

All right, it'll be Terry talking to two AI versions.

AI Keith and AI.

You know, in seventy-five years.

I don't know.

Yeah, I'll be super old. Nothing against you, Terry. I know you're a young man, but 75 years added on to your 30-something is a lot.

Yes, that's pretty hopeful, isn't it?

Yeah, it is.

I'm gonna have to start working on my own algorithm.

We'll still, we'll still joke about the time that we picked a movie the same year you were born.

Yep.

Yeah, yeah. Well, Derek, what are we gonna do next?

I already said it.

Oh, okay.

Wow.

Didn't I? Wow.

Yes, you did.

You did.

And I, and I got, I got to talk about the other, uh, he's trying to transition, but we've already—

there's nothing to transition to.

No, I mean, yes, that's what I meant. That's what I meant.

Yes, sir. But Derek, how should we end this?

Sure. Yes, that's what I meant. That's what I meant.

Yeah.

Before we do that, what are we doing next week?

Am I supposed to pick a new topic for next week?

No.

Oh, okay.

No, next one.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. We're going to—

we're spinning the wheel of the year.

We're talking about our favorite moments. Our least favorite moments. I don't know what we're going to do.

So I'm sorry. We were in mid-conversation. I zoned out, like jumped back a few seconds.

All I know is we're going to add 10 movies to our 1,001. Yes. Now, this may sound crazy. I don't think I got 100 years left in me. I just don't think I can get to 1,001.

I think you can.

Terry, now, even, you know, you're a young man, but I don't know if you got that many left.

You know, I, I actually, I ran this by the lawyers and they said maybe we should pick like, uh, Film Fumbler's Guide to Movies or something, just in case we don't hit 1,001 and people get upset with us.

And I don't want to say this, But maybe the AI algorithms will take over and they might do it for us.

Yeah. Terry could end up doing this show, you know, you know, 75 years from now with just him talking to, like, fake you and—

Exactly right.

Yeah. Your, your, your spirit will live on.

Yeah. My, my, my AI version is still upset when he's like, let's do Tubi Originals Part 10.

Uh-huh. Yeah. Sheebus. All right.

You exist only to podcast with me.

All right, so I guess that leaves us— Jesus— with nothing to do but to end this the way we end everything. Mr. Toomey?

What do you want?

My name is Susan McDowell.

This is my son Thomas.

What do you want? May we come in?

No.

Thanks for listening to Fumbling Through Film. New episodes drop every Thursday. Got feedback or questions? Email us at [email protected]. Follow us on Bluesky at Film Fumblers and on Instagram at film.fumblers. You can also follow Keith on Instagram at kg33lives and Dad's Cards Daily. And you can follow me on Instagram at Terry's on Letterboxd at Terry2099, and Derek's on social media at Derek, the number 9 and the word 9. All original music is produced by the Dr. Dre of Kansas, Terry. Hit him up for the bangers. See you next week as we keep on fumbling.