Childhood Ruined?: The Cat in the Hat (2003)

Gathered together from the cosmic reaches of the universe, here in this great screening room with comfortable recliners, are the most powerful forces of good ever assembled. Keith.

He doesn't know what love is until he gets here and finds the right woman.

Terry. I didn't— before we move on, I did want to bring up in the trailer his genitals do hum at some points. Derek.

I would think that living Legos would find great pain in being pulled apart and great satisfaction in being put back together. And the power twins, Zap and Jordan, with their magical lemur snort dedicated Welcome back to Fumbling Their Way Through Movies, one forgotten gem at a time. This week we watch the 2003 hyper-aggressive Mike Myers comedy, The Cat in the Hat. This is Fumbling Through Failure.

Just as I suspected, you guys are both out of whack.

Mm-hmm.

You're a control freak and you're a rule breaker. That'll be $700. Who's your insurance carrier? So what do we do? Well, there are 2 treatments I'd recommend. One is a series of painful shots injected into your abdomen and kneecaps, and the other Involves a musical number.

Me me me meow!

How many shots?

Aren't you precious?

Maestro! Hello and welcome to another one of a kind, genre-defining, brand new episode of Fumbling Through Film, the only show I guarantee dares to bring together 3 dudes to talk about movies. These, however, aren't— these aren't just any movies. No. As we witnessed today, they are the ones we've either witnessed, we've watched over— I don't even— they're, they're movies. They're basically any freaking movie.

All right. No, no.

Yeah, no, I, I think it may have proved this week that it is actually any movie.

My name is Derek and I'm a fumbler. Joining me here in the Fumbledome, where we have just an absolute mess that will never clean itself, is the Prime Minister of Fumbling at Film, Keith.

Hey, hey, what's up, KG? Fumbler extraordinaire. And, uh, that's it for this week.

That's it for this week. The other one who isn't throwing his hands up, he's chomping at the bit. He's buckled in, he's strapped in, he's ready to rock and roll. It's Dr. Dre of Kansas, Terry.

Hey everybody, that's me. I'm Terry. I've got a new hat on. I don't know if you guys noticed.

Oh, it's large.

It's a nice fedora.

Yeah, large fedora, oversized fedora. It's a really tall fedora.

A tall dora.

Tall dora.

And it's striped. It's crazy.

I'm trying out something new. I think it kind of fits my vibe.

So it does. You have a vibe of a tall fedora.

Yeah, I think I could really pull it off. A lot of people can't pull off the tall fedora, but I feel like me No one's ever tried before.

That's true.

I'm trying to, I'm trying to bring in the fashion. I've got a fashion line going here, so we'll see how it goes.

The large sombreros where you get those big giant cowboy hats, nobody's gone for like the oversized fedora. And that's right, you really, uh, make it work.

If you go to taldora.com and—

Taldora?

Yep.

You go to like—

You go to taldora.com.

It's code Fumblers.

Yeah, fan art of Dora the Explorer being very tall. If you go to taldora.biz, That's what my Terry said.

That's my website. And if you type in Funnlers and Funnlers, that's a different thing, but Fumblers is where you'll get a 30% discount.

But if you go to taldora.com and type in Funnlers, you get a year subscription for half price.

Yeah, which it's questionable what you're getting subscribed to exactly.

Yep.

But, you know, I, I wouldn't bother. I'd rather go to tall Taldora.biz. It's much more efficient.

Yeah. You know what else is questionable that you're not sure we're going to get? The show podcast. Yep. So we should tell people what it is we do here so that way they kind of have a hint as to what they're getting into.

Yep.

Every month we watch movies, but not just any movies. Ah, ah, ah. One of us every month chooses a theme, a genre, a guiding light. some sort of rhyming couplet. Anyway, we choose a genre theme, we all adhere to it, and the 4th week we watch a movie that was given to us by the wheel. This is a new year. We have a new order. The wheel gave us the order of me going first. And so for this first month, I decided we would look back at our lives and see what mistakes we made, or maybe we didn't make, in a month I'm calling— Childhood Ruined, in which we have to pick a movie we haven't seen since childhood to determine, uh, if we were dumb kids or if it's actually good.

And so, and the real twist here though is, Derek, your, my childhood is kind of right in the same range. And now we get to be wild.

It's identical. We were born in the same year. And then Terry was born like decades after us.

Yeah. Yeah.

But for that first week, I chose the movie The Rock Tear, and then Keith chose Dreamscape, aka Inception 1. Dream 0. I'd call it 0.

Yeah. Inception 0.

Yep.

And then this week is the Terry week. And so Terry chose what was from his childhood, but was, I think, from my adulthood, the movie—

The Cat in the Hat.

The Cat in the Hat. Not the animated The Cat in the Hat that's on PBS and not The Cat in the Hat that's coming out later this year.

Oh, is that not out already? The one with, uh, Bill Hader?

Bill Hader, yeah, comes out later this year.

Oh, I thought that was already out.

No, it's The Cat in the Hat from some year with Mike Myers.

2003.

2003. Well, before we talk about The Cat in the Hat from 2003, and before we deep dive The Cat in the Hat from 2003, this is from Cherry's Tile Terry's childhood. Terry's childhood. So we know he's seen it.

That's right.

Keith, did you have any experience with this movie beforehand?

No, and my hope in life was to never have it.

Oh, Keith. Uh, I, I admittedly, I'd seen bits and pieces of this movie as— because I have children that like to watch it. At one point, I think I'd sat on the couch while it was on once, and I surfed a lot of phone while that was on, got yelled at. What are you looking at your phone for? Put my phone down, watch bits and pieces. But I'm familiar with it. I've ingested it, either active watching or passive listening. Terry, why did you choose this one?

Please explain yourself.

It's a movie that I used to watch a lot as a kid. We had it on DVD and I was a young boy. This is a movie that me and my sister both would watch quite a bit together. I'd be babysitting, we'd watch it. It's just one of our go-tos. It was there.

You were sitting on babies?

Yeah, I do it for free. Yeah, I don't get paid. Um, and then, yeah, I, uh, I don't know, I just— it was something that I remember thinking was hilarious as a kid.

Sure, I believe that.

I believe it. And then, you know, once I became a teen and whatnot, I really didn't revisit too much. No, never.

Why would you?

And now we're here. It's the first time I've watched it probably in, oh God, 20-ish years.

Ah, well, we'll find out if it held up. But first, Terry, it's gonna get us closer to the cat than anyone could ever dare dreamed we could possibly get.

That's true.

I'll open that hat.

Yeah. Oh, that's gross.

Yeah, not— no, I didn't say up in the cat. I'm just sitting up in the hat.

I know what you said, and it's Twice as gross, Keith.

It's a giant hat. You could stand in it.

It's very gross. Oh, disgusting.

Yeah, I'm not standing in that thing.

No way. It's probably full of cat sweat.

Oh, it is. Yeah, just sopping wet in there.

Sopping wet. That big sopping wet hat. Keith wants to get all up in it.

No, now I don't want to. Never mind.

I'm good.

Terry's gonna get us closer than we could ever dreamed getting in another pet and pendant. Pending Fumblers deep dive.

All right, well, this movie was directed by Bo Welch.

With a name like that, how could it be bad?

Exactly. Well, this guy, he's got four directing credits. That's it. He did The Cat in the Hat, of course. It's the only movie he's directed. Oh, the rest is all TV. So he did two episodes of Secret Agent Man.

Uh-huh. Asian man.

2 episodes of The Tick, the old—

the old one or the new one?

The old one, the old one. And then he did 5 episodes of A Series of Unfortunate Events, the TV show.

Oh, okay.

Which were books that I read as a kid. I really liked those books.

Mm-hmm.

He's actually got a lot more credits as a production designer, so he's actually been on some pretty notable movies as well. So he was a production designer on Beetlejuice. Lost Boys, Ghostbusters 2, Edward Scissorhands, Batman Returns, a lot of Tim Burton stuff. The one that stood out to me was a movie called What Planet Are You From? It's like, okay, I wonder. It's about a humanoid alien. He's in an all-male society and he's sent to Earth to impregnate a woman and bring the child back to his home planet.

Hold on, if it's an all-male society, what would they know about impregnating women?

Well, you see, that's, that's the struggle. He don't know. He doesn't know much. I don't know if this whole society revolves around kidnapping children from other planets and bringing them back. Like, yeah, how do they reproduce?

How would they even know? They would reproduce a different way than we traditionally think. So why would they— nah, this—

There's a lot of logistics, and I'm sure they cover everything.

I'm sure it's all covered. It better be covered in the first 5 minutes if they want me to watch it.

It's a text crawl where they just scroll.

It's a very long one too. It's like you read paragraph after paragraph of setup. You're just like, really? I need all this? Well, you do. You do.

First the bacteria evolved into a fish, and then the fish grew 2 legs, and about 200 million years later—

Yeah, like the way Noah opens.

Yes, yes. I bet this movie opens exactly like that.

I hope it does.

Uh, but yeah, of course he goes to Earth and he ends up falling in love Um, well, of course.

How, how, how would he know? How would— whatever.

He fell in love, Derek. It happens to everyone, even aliens.

It better have been with a man because he comes from a planet of all men. Nope, it's a woman. No, it doesn't make any sense.

He doesn't know what love is until he gets here and finds the right woman.

Yeah, he didn't realize what he was missing until he got here.

So, okay, I get, I get where this movie's going now. So it's paid for by some church group, I'm assuming.

Um, no, I'm sure this alien where he falls in love to impregnate women is paid for by the church. Yeah. Uh, he's also getting hunted down by a government agent.

As he should be.

Uh, and I think that agent is named by John Goodman. He's, he's played by John Goodman.

Also named by John Goodman.

He's also named by him, probably. Yeah.

The name was in the script was just question marks, and they're like, "What do you think, John?" I don't know, Daryl.

John. Daryl.

Yeah. Or yeah. I don't know. Call him John Goodman.

All right. John Goodman as John Goodman, but he's not playing himself. He's playing as a character, John Goodman.

Yep. It's G O O D M I N Goodman.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Legally distinct.

Yeah.

It's probably some like like screenwriters guild requirement.

Mm-hmm.

That, you know, but it's him though. But you, but you, but you can't name yourself, you can't name your character exactly your same name.

Oh yeah. 'Cause then you get in the Writers Guild because you wrote that.

Like, yeah. So it's, you know, does he spell his name J-O-N or J-O-H-N?

I don't know.

It's J-A-N.

It's Jan. Oh yeah.

Oh, it's Jan. Jan. Jan Goodman. G-O-D-M-I-N. Yep.

Johan Goodman. So the trailer, it shows him, he's trying to figure out human customs. He's trying to mate with women.

Why, though? It doesn't make sense.

They're all turning him down because he's really bad at it.

Yeah.

Well, they need to repopulate their society somehow.

He's desperate. They have a population, don't they? That's all men.

Yes.

Yes. Maybe, maybe they really reproduce. Maybe there used to be lady aliens there and they all died off. Now they got to figure out what to do.

Oh, yeah. It's like The Last Man, except for it's the opposite.

Yeah, just a whole shit ton of men and no women.

Yeah, the only logical thing to do is go to other planets and start mating and kidnapping children.

What if they're all really obnoxious men and the women just moved to like a different hemisphere?

Yeah, that seems more like—

They're like, there's a bunch of women here, but they want nothing to do with us.

Yeah, they all abandoned ship at the same time because they just were tired of it.

That seems way too realistic, I think. My wife keeps saying that, uh, after the kids move out, we're gonna get, uh, like a side-by-side houses.

Oh yeah?

Yeah, she wants like a duplex.

Okay, sure. I thought you guys were gonna go to Mars.

I'm like, no, that's not happening. She's like, no, yeah, we're gonna get 2 houses.

She gonna charge you rent?

No, no, I'm— I get my side, she gets her side.

Okay.

All right.

Keep it tight over there. Mm-hmm. I didn't— before we move on, I did want to bring up in the trailer his genitals do hum at some points.

Like they have a mouth.

Jesus, I, or for some reason, simply forgot about— I was talking about John Goodman.

Oh, I think you meant genitals.

And no, and I was thinking, I was thinking back to the fact that I thought we were still talking about The Cat in the Hat again.

No, the cat's not— his genitals do not hum, uh, as far as we know. Yeah, they might. If that sequel ever gets made, we might find out.

Maybe in the trailer, you never know.

Yeah, but, uh, this alien guy, his genitals will hum. The people comment on it and think it's strange. John Goodman especially.

Yeah, it is strange.

Yeah. Um, but yeah, anyways, that's cool. Uh, sounds like a good movie to me. This movie also has 3 credited writers.

This is a good movie to me. You're right, Terry, it sounds great.

Yeah, thank you. Um, so the first writer here is Alex Berg. His biggest credit that I think, um, at least in my eyes, is he created the show Barry.

Oh yeah, for sure.

Great show.

The creator of Barry created— helped write The Cat in the Hat.

Yeah, can you believe it?

Wow.

It all starts to make sense when you learn that, isn't it?

I wish The Cat in the Hat were more like Barry.

Yes.

the character.

Oh yeah, I do too. That'd be awesome. You just replace the show Barry with The Cat in the Hat, like everything—

If you put Mike Myers in the Cat in the Hat outfit and makeup and then put him in Barry instead of Bill Hader.

Yes, yes.

Maybe, maybe that's what the new one coming out with Bill Hader is gonna be.

Oh, I hope that's true. I really hope so. Cat in the Hat's an assassin who learns how to act, or wants to learn how to act. Yeah, I think that's a good idea.

I agree.

But yeah, Barry, great show. I need to finish watching it.

You've never finished Barry? It's good.

Henry Winkler is amazing.

Yes, he's a great actor. Alex Berg also wrote 33 episodes of Seinfeld.

Okay.

He wrote additional dialogue for the animated classic Shark Tale. Oh, this is about a vegetarian shark who's voiced by Jack Black. And there's this little fish who's voiced by Will Smith, and they team up.

Yep.

The shark wants the little— like, he wants to disappear, fake his death. So he has little fish help him. Uh, little fish pretends to kill the shark, and so everybody thinks he's like— he gets famous because of this and all that.

But—

and the shark gets to have his fake death. But the problem is, is that his— the shark's family— his family is the mob, and the mob is going to come figure out who killed him and blah blah blah.

Yep.

So things go wrong. Uh, and there's a car wash or something at some point.

This movie was an also movie to Finding Nemo. They came out the same summer, I think.

Really?

Yeah, I'm almost positive they did.

Yeah, they were betting on Will Smith still being king of the summer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was a great role he was in for this.

I watched the trailer. I remember this movie. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I've seen it several times, um, as a kid. Could have been a pick. I could have picked Shark's Tale.

Um, oh, I'm sorry, Shark Tale came out the year after Finding Nemo.

Oh, it did? Okay, well, it was a rip-off then.

I thought it was the same, but it wasn't. It's hard to do rip-off animated movies because they take so long to make.

The animation ain't so great, it looks like.

No, it's Shark Tale.

One of the other writers, David Mandel, uh, he worked on pretty much a lot of the same things.

Okay.

Um, but he was I saw he was uncredited as co-director of Eurotrip.

Oh, that's a movie I kind of like.

He also helped develop Clerks TV show. Oh, okay. Okay. On every, all 6 episodes.

I like that.

Yep. Yep. I thought you'd like that, Keith. Uh, the final writer is Jeff Schaefer, who also has a lot of similar credits. These guys must work together or something because they're all on the same shows. All these like same similar movies. Uh, he was actually the credited director on Eurotrip. So, okay, he was credited. David Mandel, not credited, but somehow still got on IMDb. I don't know how. So the film stars Mike Myers as Cat in the Hat.

Oh yes, it does.

He's done a lot. Um, Wayne in Wayne's World is one of his bigger things for me, at least. I love Wayne's World. Love Wayne's World 2. Um, both very enjoyable films. Of course, he's Austin Powers. He's in all the Austin Powers movies. He played multiple roles in all these Austin Powers movies. He was Dr.

Evil.

Uh, Fat Bastard and other people too. I don't know. Um, gold member. Yeah, he's gold member. I've not seen any Austin Powers movies.

Really?

Yeah, that's true.

That's interesting.

It's true.

But I've heard—

I don't know if they hold up. I haven't seen them since they've originally—

Very curious. I'm very curious as if they hold up or not.

It's—

they were very, very funny back in the day.

Um, it's too many varies, I think, by 2.

It was funny back in the day.

They were funny back in the day.

I think they— like, I remember seeing— I think it was maybe the second one I saw, like, in a jam— like, the theater was fully packed.

Oh yeah, people loved it.

And to see that movie in a— see that movie in a full crowded theater like that, I mean, it, it comes across as being like one of the funniest things ever made. I, I don't know how well it holds up because the jokes tend to repeat over all 3 movies.

Oh God, yeah, they do.

The first one might seem funny, and then by the time you get to the third one, you're like, yeah, I love cold.

Yeah. Yeah, maybe I'll watch them someday.

The third one's got Beyoncé in it though.

Really?

And and there's a Heather Graham is in one of them as well.

Heather Graham's in the first one, I think, or the second one. I think the first one had oh what's her name? That, uh, Hugh Grant's old girlfriend.

She was in Bedazzled with, um, yeah, uh, what's— yeah, shoot, what is her name? I, I, I'm, I'm upset that I came up with that another movie she was in that's a terrible movie, but it's still— yeah, think of her name.

I can't think of her name either. And you mentioned Bedazzled, so that's on the list.

She's British.

Yeah, I'm definitely picking that movie.

Oh yeah, hold on, hold on. I thought, I thought only movies that the The Deep Diver suggested.

No, no, any movie, any movie suggested at all. He, of course, he voiced Shrek. That's probably his bread and butter.

Elizabeth Hurley.

Uh, yeah.

And Brendan Fraser are in that movie.

Brendan Fraser's in that? Wow.

Yeah.

That's cool.

And Orlando Jones.

Oh, really?

Mm-hmm.

Seems like a good movie. Um, So he's in a movie called So I Married an Axe Murderer. Uh-huh. That's a good one. He says he plays a poet in this and he's had bad luck with dating. Uh, he finds someone he really likes, but he's starting to suspect that she might be a serial killer.

Yes.

Uh, looked pretty funny. Trailer looked all right. Mike Myers plays like 2 different people in this movie as well.

Yep.

I believe he plays like the main guy and his dad or something.

Yeah, I liked the movie a lot.

I haven't seen it in a very— I watched that movie on VHS, I do believe.

I think Scottish, it's crap.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, look good, look good. Uh, Alex Baldwin is in this movie as Lawrence or Larry, however you call him. Uh, he's been in a ton of stuff. He was in Beetlejuice, The Shadow, Royal Tenenbaums. Of course, he is, uh, the voice of the Boss Baby in all the Boss Baby franchise. He's also a narrator for a whole bunch of Thomas the Tank Engine stuff. Uh, he was recently in something called Billy's Magic World.

Is that the one where he kills somebody on set?

No, that was Rust.

Yeah, that was what?

Rust.

Oh, okay.

Billy's Magic World is not that. I think that was after Rust. Um, And, and this is, uh, he plays a supervillain, Lord Domino. It's about, uh, well, it's about— this is all a kind of a guess. It's about a little girl named Billy. She's lured to a castle with toys and treats, but it's really a scheme by the supervillain for some reason. I could only find a trailer for this movie in Italian, so like I said, I don't know exactly.

Oh, I bet you it was never released in the United States.

Not sure what's going on, but I think that the girl's kidnapped because she has like magical powers and they're trying to like use their device to steal her powers or something. I don't know. Uh, she brings her toys to life and things like that.

So, I mean, if I were a kid and I had magic powers, I would bring my toys to life too.

Yeah, I'd bring everything to life.

An adult with magic powers to bring toys to life would be great.

Which toys, Keith?

Well, probably Legos would be kind of cool. They could take themselves apart, put themselves back together.

That's what you do with Legos? All right, Legos, come to life so you can unassemble and reassemble.

Yeah.

Yes.

I would think that living Legos would find great pain in being pulled apart and great satisfaction of being put back together.

Yeah.

Please come, uh, come to life and tear yourself apart. Thank you.

Yeah. I'd make a little gladiator dome and then you can like have the 2 Lego men fight each other.

No, because then the pieces from the 2 sets get all mixed up. I don't want that. Oh, okay.

Okay.

Well, the dome doesn't have to be made about Lego. Oh yeah. Oh, you mean the two fighting?

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

That's tough.

Yeah. We're gonna have to have another Lego guy who's there to keep track of all the parts.

Yep.

Spencer Breslin plays Conrad in this movie. He's been in the boy things.

Yep.

He's a little boy. He was in The Santa Claus 2.

Oh, classic. Yeah.

Tim Allen. He becomes Saint. Santa in this franchise because of a clause.

There's a clause in a contract.

Yes, he accidentally murdered the other Santa Claus. Or actually, you know, accidentally?

Is that what happened in the Santa Claus?

I think he killed somebody. I think the original Santa Claus slipped off the roof because Tim Allen scared him, and then somehow he became the new Santa, I think.

Wow, I had no idea.

I think, I think a magical ring flew off his hand and went and found the next person.

And oh, Green Lantern style. Yeah. Only someone with enough cheerfulness can become Santa Claus, and Tim Allen is the most cheerful man we all know. Yeah, I think this one, the second one, is particularly about him needing to get married to find a Mrs. Claus.

Yeah. Does it come from a planet of just Santa Clauses? Yes. He has to find a Mrs. Claus on their planet.

He has to come to Earth. Yeah. And try to mate with a woman so he can bring back a Santa Claus Jr. Makes sense.

Yeah. Yeah. I think it— or he loses his power to be Santa Claus or something like that.

The desantification starts to begin because he's not married, and that's because part of the contract is you have to have Mrs. Claus or something. Yeah, I don't know why, but you do, and that's just how the rules work. Um, yeah, so he's, he's gotta frantically find a wife.

Sure, as one does.

Yep, yep, yep. And, uh, I believe Spencer Breslin plays like his little, um, minion or something, the elf guy.

Oh boy, so he plays an elf and not like another boy that like needs Santa Claus, like, or like Tim Allen's son maybe?

No, I'm pretty sure he plays a little elf guy. He's in the trailer. Oh my gosh. He's the one explaining the desanctification.

I've never seen a single Santa Claus movie.

I've seen the first one's pretty good. I don't remember much about the other ones.

I think the third one's about him and like Jack Frost fighting each other.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. 'Cause Martin Short plays Jack Frost, I think, in that one.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Santa's evil arch nemesis.

Jack Frost, the person that makes it cold and snowy. Yeah, which is like Santa Claus's playground.

Like, yeah, they should be friends, but you'd think not. No, no. And the contract, it says they have to be mortal enemies. Yeah, he was in a movie that caught my attention. It's one of his latest acting credits, is a movie called Skate to Hell.

Oh, I like the sound of that.

But apparently the devil has created a skateboard for his son that allows him to travel between Earth and Hell.

Oh, I was really hoping you would say the speed of light, but it didn't make any sense to the title.

So, I mean, that'd be cool. Maybe it does. I mean, the only way to go from, you know, Earth to Hell might be going through speed of light travel because it's a long distance, I'm sure. However, the problem occurs when teens steal the skateboard, as teens do. Yeah, they steal the skateboard and they start getting into shenanigans with this hellish skateboard. Satan has to come personally investigate, try to find his missing son and the stolen board.

So who does this kid play? Does he play Satan or the dad?

Some random character, I'm not sure. Really? He was not high listed. Yeah, I think he produced the movie though.

Oh, okay, good for him. He's using that Cat in the Hat money to make—

Yes, yes, thank God.

Yeah, it's his dream project. He's had it. like on his desk thinking about it for like 13 years.

Yeah, he actually was starting to write it while The Cat in the Hat was being filmed.

Yep, inspired by The Cat in the Hat. Mike Myers told him to chase his dream. You know, you chase that dream, kid, about a skateboard to hell.

I think you can do this. Yeah, he's very supportive. And the cat in the hat suit, they're just talking.

Yeah, they're both just like smoking cigarettes out back.

Yeah, Mike Myers getting his makeup put on, it's taking 8 hours while they talk about skate to hell. Spencer has him basically hostage. Just talk.

Yes, I think the movie really works maybe if you get Tony Hawk to play Satan. Maybe. Oh, maybe.

Sure, I would. I'd cast him if he'd let me. So Dakota Fanning plays Sally in this, little girl. Uh-huh. So she's actually been in some pretty big stuff. Yeah, she was in Man on Fire, which stars Denzel Washington. Yep, about a CIA CIA agent who's getting revenge because some people harmed the family he was protecting. I've heard that's pretty good. I have not seen it. I like this one.

It's been a long time, but I remember it being really, really good.

I never saw it. It might be, might be good. I've heard it's good too. Um, she was in Steven Spielberg's War of the Worlds.

I've never seen.

I remember liking as a kid, but I have not seen it since it came out.

The original War of the Worlds when I was growing up as, as a kid, was my favorite, favorite. Yes, War of the Worlds and The Day the Earth Stood Still.

Oh, I like that one. I like that one. I've not seen the original War of the Worlds movie.

Oh man, I— it used to scare the crap out of me as a kid. I loved it.

Yeah, I, I like the Steven Spielberg one as a kid, but like, it's got Tom Cruise in it, right? Yep.

Yes.

Yep. Yep. Haven't seen it since then, but also have been a good pick. For this category for me, but alas, I picked Cat in the Hat. Alas, she voiced Coraline in the movie Coraline.

Oh, okay.

All right.

She was in The Twilight Saga Eclipse, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. She was in The Watcher, which was a horrible movie directed by M. Night Shyamalan's daughter. It was really bad. And recently, she reunited with Denzel Washington in The Equalizer Three. This one is, uh, Denzel in Italy and he's fighting the mob bosses who are harassing people.

I think she has a very small role if I remember right, because I've seen, I've seen this movie.

Equalizer 3?

Yeah.

And I, I think she's like second build.

I don't, but I don't think she has like a bit. It's just Denzel running around doing like just killing people.

Yeah. I've never seen an Equalizer movie.

I've seen the first 2. I've not seen the 3rd one.

I think I've seen 1 and 3.

I did not like 2 that much. I liked the first one. Um, here's, here's a few trivia things about this movie.

Okay.

So apparently there were plans for a sequel.

No!

But Dr. Seuss's widow was so—

Dr. Seuss rose from the grave!

Yes, his widow.

A man who couldn't speak, right? Like, Dr. Seuss had like some sort of throat problem when he couldn't talk.

Really?

Yeah. So he comes back and he finally speaks. He's like The Equalizer. He kills everybody that's harassing his, uh—

we never saw Mike Myers.

His wife summoned him back from—

I think I would.

Yeah, she was so appalled by this movie she rejected any further live-action film adaptations of Dr. Seuss's work.

So the Jim Carrey Grinch came out before this then?

Yes.

Yes.

Okay.

Yes. And that, that was like the last—

amazing. It made a lot of money.

Yeah. I've never seen that one either.

Really? That's another—

that's another one I've seen a handful of.

I've seen many times.

Like, I've been— I've consumed actively and passively. I just don't care.

I love the original Grinch, and I like that new one that they animated with, uh, Cumberbatch voicing.

Yeah, that Cumberbatch one isn't, isn't bad at all. I enjoy it.

I like the Jim Carrey one. I watched that a lot.

Do you?

Did you also pick this one?

Yeah, Keith mumbling under his breath.

Uh, so fun fact about the suit, it's partially made from human hair.

Oh God, that is— why?

That's not a—

very unnecessary, but I appreciate that news.

Aren't you glad to know that?

Yeah. It's not made out of human skin though, Keith. Calm down, it's just hair.

Uh, Yeah, I'd actually be better off, I think, with human skin.

What?

No, no, really.

They flayed people to— like, live people to make the cat in the catsuit?

Yeah, it's a whole Leatherface situation.

Leatherface?

Yeah.

Oh my God, cat leather. I don't like that. Uh, had a cooling system in it so you could connect a portable air conditioner to keep my—

Like RoboCop?

Yes, yes, because it was hot in that suit, so they needed some air conditioning.

Not hot enough, that's what I'd say.

Just dies on camera.

You know, I've got to guess Mike Myers per se passed out again.

Apparently it's pretty difficult on set for this movie, so— but he's probably because he was frustrated about—

he was forced— he was difficult on set. Yes, I, I don't find that hard to believe.

He was kind of forced to do this as a contract. He's contractually obligated because like he tried to back out of a different movie and so like, all right, well, if you're gonna back out of that, you have to do this instead.

He's like, oh, do we know what the other movie was?

Uh, it was the live animated— a live action Grinch.

No, I don't know. I can't remember. But, uh, he— yeah, he ended up having to do this, and I think that's why he was so grumpy. In the 1980s, Dr. Seuss had some, uh, interest in getting The Cat in the Hat made into a movie, and his ideas for the leads were as follows: Robin Williams, Okay, I could see that. Steve Martin. Okay, John Candy.

Uh-huh, I love that idea.

Eddie Murphy.

Okay, I like that one too.

And my favorite, Jack Nicholson. I think Jack Nicholson would be amazing as Kev. Can you imagine him in the catsuit talking to the children?

No. Your mother's gone, children. We're gonna have fun.

Children, gather round. This is—

where do I get all these crazy toys?

He goes by Chocolate Thunder.

Oh my God, I don't want to talk about that. I'm sure he will.

Oh God. Um, I would love to see Jack Nicholson as Cat Nat. Um, if we could just like even give him the voice of the cat or something in an animated— let's get Bill Hader out of there. Let's get Jack Nicholson in there. Yeah. So here's one final fun fact that I didn't— I was kind of confused by. So apparently— so there's— okay, so, you know, there's in this movie there's a throwaway joke where the cat's spayed and neutered certificate is shown. Like he's like showing the contract and then the spayed and neutered certificate kind of like is one of the pages. It's like, oh, that's not part of the contract.

Oh yeah, yeah.

But later in the film he's disguised as a piñata and he's hitting the groin, but he reacts. Oh yeah, right.

Well, so neutered, like they just remove the testes, right? So I'm sure it would still hurt quite a bit to get—

This is not a fun fact. Yes, IMDb has this as a fun fact. I'm like, this is not a fun fact. It's not even a goof. It would still hurt.

It would still hurt. Taking a bat to any part of your body, painful. Yes. To your wiener, yeah, equally painful.

Yeah, either way. Yeah, I think it would still hurt even if, yeah, you were neutered or spayed.

Probably. So if you had an empty sack down there, which— that it still gets—

yeah, it probably hurts more. I don't know, there's nothing to cushion this thing.

Thankfully, all your sensitivity has gone elsewhere.

It's spread out. Yeah, yeah, yep. So I didn't like that fun fact, but I thought it was funny, so I threw that in there.

I love that fun fact. And I think it's not even a fact.

It's not even in the goof section. It was literally part of like the facts of the movie trivia.

So yeah, yeah, it's not like Mike Myers was neutered to the groin later on.

Oh yeah, I mean, I think it was a live reaction from Mike Myers as they hit him physically to get the realest take possible.

Oh, I think I've seen piñata scene. That's all you got, Terry?

Yeah, climb out of that sweaty cat hat.

Yeah, let's get out of that cat hat. Terry, that was goddamn close. It was too close for me.

Yeah, well, I got close.

We were all, we were all up in that hat and we were way too close to neutered groin as it got hit.

Yeah, we could have gone deeper, but I thought we probably shouldn't.

Yeah, yeah, don't need to go any deeper than a neutered groin.

We could have gone into the cavity that was once housed— yeah, cat testicles—

just see what's in there now. Like, there's got to be something in there.

Nuts with a bag of air?

Yep. The ghost testes?

Yeah. Ghosties. Ghosties sounds like a cereal.

Yeah, I was gonna say I'd eat that, but no, I don't know.

Depends what they're made of.

Ghost—

it also sounds close to goatsy as well, which is not a good idea.

Hmm, we'll have to workshop that.

Don't Google it.

I don't know what it means. I'm not going to.

Oh, you know, Terry, boy, that you're— you might be a little bit too young to have experienced the Goatsy phenomenon.

The phenomenon?

I don't know what it is.

You don't?

Oh my God.

All right.

What is it?

Tell us. No.

Why are we— no, no.

You asked what it was. I'm telling you.

I know.

We told—

I— you could start with the basic. I've seen it once.

Once. That's all I ever need to see. It's like Two Girls, One Cup.

You know what that is? Yeah, I know what that is.

I know.

I was big when I was a kid.

That same time. Party, Goat Seed.

There was like all these like, uh, uh, shocking, disturbing—

Yes.

Yeah, it was one of those like, click this link, and you click it, you're like, no!

Oh, and then you're scarred for life.

What have I done?

Yes.

You're hoping, you're hoping you just get Rickrolled instead. You got Yeah, there's a goat.

See, here's a terrible car accident with guts and brains, and you're just like, what if I— yeah, yes, why?

What a time to be alive.

Yeah, now, now you can't do that because you just like mouse over things to get like previews and stuff.

So I haven't got a hint of that.

It's better to see it in a small scale. Yeah, it is a giant UHD screen.

Wow. Well, that's interesting. Huh.

But the fact—

uh, I—

there you go.

Uh, well, thank you.

I feel like I've ruined your innocence. The, the innocence of the days of The Cat in the Hat are no more.

Yeah, I feel different now.

You should.

Oh God, my brain is like— the world is heavy on my shoulders because we didn't want to— we didn't want the cereal that we were making up to be Called Goatsy. Yeah, that's—

No, on accident.

Thank God you explained that this mysterious cereal that we were— Ours was Ghosty, which is a ghost testicle, but also maybe a cereal, but then it sounds like Goatsy. Thank goodness we had— oh shoot, that was close.

What if it was a ghost Goatsy?

Oh no, a ghost—

like, that might be less disturbing if I saw a ghost do that.

Yeah, probably. You'd see a lot less intestine. Oh, oh, come on.

Oh, we went too deep. We went really way too deep. Derek, he— we were climbing out of the hat and then Derek grabbed us and pulled us all the way down into the anus.

I'm gonna tell you what, sometimes when you talk— I don't know if you guys have ever experienced this, but when you say something and you immediately go, why did I say that? That was one of those moments.

That's what I was wondering. Why did he say that? I didn't need to know that part. Oh, my childhood we're talking about.

Yeah, don't worry, I'll let it all go.

Guilty, your childhood?

I'm gonna edit all that out.

Yeah, please.

From now we'll have to just act like it never happened.

No. Yeah, great, great.

Keep the listeners' innocence still there. Okay.

Oh boy, we have got We have got to talk about The Cat in the Hat from 2003. Is that right?

I think we should.

You know what? I'm borderline. Just want to talk about the other thing.

No, you don't.

You do not. That's too far.

That's too far. I'm not going to link it to you. So I promise you, I will never link it to you. So don't ever hesitate.

He's not going to do it. Quit asking him. He's not sending that to you.

I'm not.

I'm not.

I will never send you that link.

Never.

And I don't want to Google it because—

I'm never opening a link from Derek again, ever.

That's what— that's what I'm saying. I want you to trust me. I promise to you with my— on my mother's eyes, I would never send you that link.

Has your mother seen Goatsy?

I, I hope not. See, that's one of those things, like when you're a kid, you're growing up, you're like, you, you don't want to imagine that your parents ever have sex or see Goatsy.

Oh God. They can't handle that. Yeah.

No, like, parents don't— parents only have sex as many times as you have kids, and they've never seen Goatsy.

Yep. Yeah, please, please.

All right, so let's talk about this movie though.

Yes, let, let us talk about The Cat in the Hat from 2003 with Mike Myers. And this is something that Terry grew up with. He watched it, thought he— I thought it was great as a kid, probably laughed a shit ton at it.

Oh God, so much.

I'm going to tell you right now, this viewing— and it's several years removed from having like half actively watched it, half passively watched it, so I didn't really remember any of the jokes or anything like that— I did not laugh once.

You didn't?

Not once.

Wow.

In fact, in fact, I was angry arms crossed for a lot of this movie.

Yes.

Wow.

I was trying to find other stuff to do while the TV was on. I was like trying to like clean up a little bit around the house while I was watching it. I, I didn't laugh, uh, very much during this movie either.

Uh-huh.

And I did laugh at a couple things early and then was like, what are you doing?

When he—

when the kid like initially goes through to like set up to like do the, the staircase luge and gets all dressed up with like all the, the loaves of bread and the popcorn on himself, like to like, you know, make it so he's Not gonna get hurt. And then he, he like shoves the thing of bread down his pants, but reaches back in to grab like 2 pieces and eats them. Yeah, that made me laugh.

Yeah, that part made you laugh?

That, that, that made me laugh.

He's eating crotch bread.

It, it made, it made me chuckle for a second and then I was like, ah, what the—

And then, but that's what made you laugh, but nothing else made you laugh in this?

Uh, when he, when he sees, when the cat sees the picture of the mother and he holds it up and then he extends it out to a centerfold, that made me chuckle a little bit. Oh, because that's— I mean, that's— but that's a joke that's there for adults, not kids.

It's a lot of jokes like that, I feel like, in this movie. Yeah.

Oh God, when, when he was going— he says, you dirty hoe, and he has, has the gardening tool and then he's going to French kiss it.

Yes. Yeah.

Terry, you're acting like that's funny.

It's funny.

No way is that funny.

I mean, he says it, he says it, doesn't he like throw it down, then he picks it back up and like apologizes to it or something like that?

Yeah. Are we doing something?

Yeah. Yeah, I— there, there's something about that that was like too much, but not in the way that makes you laugh too much.

To me, it was— this movie is just so unhinged. It's just so weird.

It is definitely unhinged.

It's meant to be for children, but the jokes are not for children at all. And so it's like—

It starts right from the beginning too with that, uh, who's— is it— who's the guy playing the, the weird, um, Fred Stewart?

No, no, no, that's, uh, it's the germaphobe guy.

Is it Jack McUber or something like that? It's not Jack McBryer.

That's who you're thinking of.

That's who I was thinking it was.

No, that, that's McBryer. Isn't he the one that was in 30 Rock and was also on Wreck-It Ralph? It's not him.

Sean Hayes. Sean Hayes. Mr. Humble.

Oh, oh, from Will and Grace.

Okay.

That's Sean Hayes.

Really? Yep. Yep.

And that character was— I wanted to punch that character.

Oh, he's annoying. Yeah.

Oh God, yes.

Like, just from the get-go, like, that's insane. Insanely annoying, that character. That just— I can't even get into the movie at that part.

At the beginning is boring. The beginning is very boring.

The beginning is terrible. I hate that character just as well.

He's annoying. Yeah, I agree. I think until the cat shows up, it's really bad. I like the cat though.

I mean, Alec Baldwin is just— yeah, he's annoying outside of this, outside of the scene where he's just sitting in that chair with his like tank top and just in his house is all just like trash. Also, they give no reason for why he's doing any of that. No. Uh, but like he picks his belly button a little bit. That might be the funniest part of the thing he was involved with.

There is no reason the Cat in the Hat exists in this movie. It's not like they summoned the cat because like even the book, it's like, oh, it's a rainy day. We're so bored. Whatever will we do? And then the cat shows up. It's like, you can do so much fun stuff in your house. This is just like you're being babysat. Like, no, well, and now the cat shows up to just wreak havoc.

Why? Yes. He's a chaos agent.

Why is the Cat in the Hat there?

He's the agent of chaos.

They didn't summon the Cat in the Hat.

He's— no, they didn't.

He was apparently hidden someplace in the closet.

They didn't ask for the Cat in the Hat. They weren't like, I wish there was something to do.

Then get like a Ouija board and like summon him. No, they should have. Yes, that'd be awesome.

Yeah, that's, that's a Cat in the Hat movie I want to see.

Anything to give a reason for the cat to be there, because there is no reason for the cat. He just shows up and then they're like— he's like, oh, you guys are no fun, or you're too much fun, or let's sign a contract, we'll have lots of fun. Why?

He's like the devil.

Yeah, he's the devil. But like, they're not even idle hands though, right? Like, there's a babysitter, they're just gonna watch TV, which is like fine.

Yeah.

And, and that kid, the, the, the boy gets into enough trouble on his own doing stuff around the house. You really need the cat there to be a chaos agent? That guy makes enough chaos as it is.

And then they have this at the end where it's like, see, my— I told you my hat wasn't real, but I wanted to teach you a lesson.

Yes.

What? But why?

They just need a lesson. I don't know why he felt like he needed to do that.

Well, because he— because otherwise everything was going to be bad because the weird box opened up. And the only way—

the box is there because the cat brought it there, right?

But the only way the contract of him cleaning up everything still exists is if those two—

they have a little heart-to-heart thing. Yeah, but there's no—

get their little lesson.

They wanted to make sure they didn't get— they weren't held responsible for the contract.

Mm-hmm.

But the contract is only there because the cat shows up for no reason. There's no motivation for the cat to be there.

No.

Unless he is the devil.

He is the devil. He's like the— it's a metaphor for, like, it is kind of like idle hands. There's like the temptation is what it is, is the cat. He's there to, uh, tempt the children into causing havoc and chaos and breaking the rules, and eventually that goes too far. And the children turn and learn a lesson out of it.

I wonder if the cat—I wonder if the Dr. Seuss estate would be upset if we made a Cat in the Hat movie where like somebody actually like saves the kid from the Cat in the Hat by like oh, it's like a horror movie. Yes, that being in the heart.

You just call it the Hatted One.

Yeah, like the mean one. Yeah, it's the Hatted One. I would watch that.

Yeah, and the Hatted One is actually an evil Cat in the Hat that's trying to kill the kids.

Yes, he goes house to house.

Yeah, Thing One and Thing Two are.

Oh God, demonic. Terrifying.

Thing 1 and Thing 2 were terrifying already.

I did not like them at all.

No, this movie is aggressive. Yes, every element of this movie is aggressive. It's aggressive in its wacky design. Like, it's almost like it's punching you in the face with this wackiness. It's punching you in the face with this absurdity. It's punching you in the face. It's very aggressive when it's like Quirky attitude. It's got attitude. Fired, fired, fired. It's got catitude.

Why? Why does the guy need like? Why does the guy need hand sanitizer all the time?

Like because he's germaphobe.

Hold on, Terry just said catitude. He said it's got catitude in it.

How was that not the tagline of this movie?

Was that the tagline for the movie?

No, I wish it was. This movie has catitude.

That's it's now tagline for this podcast, I think. Oh yeah, bumbling through film, we got catitude.

I hated it had a very specific point of view from the drop, and I hated that point of view. Yeah, it's got vision. Everything comes off of that point of view. It's just so much. I just.

I agree with that. It's aggressive. I think that's a great way to put it. It's very aggressive. I like— here's what I like about though, is the tone, the, the clash of the tones. I like that it's like this kids movie that like— it starts off like generic horrible kids movie, right? Like, oh, there's the boss, blah blah.

And then it goes into a hyper-specific terrible kids movie.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

And then they— then the cast shows up and it's like this— it just becomes a fever dream. It's just— it becomes insane, literally. Like, you're like, what's happening?

So there was a point where I was watching this and I'm like, it's so chaotic. Yeah, but it's slow-motion chaos, especially when they're like in the car.

Yeah, where they all 3 are driving.

They're just not going fast enough for it to be as manic as they want you to think it is. It's like slow-motion mania. You're just like, okay, and then you watch the car go by. It's like It's clearly on a movie set. Like, there's no way you like forget that it's a movie at any point. Like, no, oh, this is practically made with this and that, and it's a man in a suit. Like, the— like, I wanted to not think about the man in the suit, but they kept reminding me it's just a man in a suit.

Because he's the main character, you gotta keep an eye on him almost all the time.

But there's nothing about it that makes you There's no whimsy or magic that makes you go, oh yeah, like I can, I can suspend my disbelief. The entire time I am like serving my disbelief constantly on a platter to the movie. It's like, you cannot defeat this disbelief. And it doesn't.

And I get he's like, he sets the whole thing up. He knows that the kid's gonna pick the lock on the thing and it's gonna jump on, you know, the dog.

Why is the lock— like, I get the lock. Talks because it's supposed to be magical. Yeah, but why does it have to constantly talk?

Uh, I don't know. I guess if once you can, you might as well.

Yeah, I guess. I'm sorry, Keith, I cut you off there. Go on.

No, like, uh, I just like— I think instead of just having like that little lock thing like suddenly attach itself to the dog's collar and all, like Maybe that's where Alec Baldwin could have been involved in. Like, he got ahold of the thing and they have to get it back from him as opposed to like just trying to chase down the dog.

That's what they did. They got it back from him.

No, they had to get to the dog to get it.

They got the dog.

They had to get the dog. And he had, and he had no idea about it. Yeah. He had no— I'm saying like, I'm saying like he actually, I'm saying he actually learns about it. Oh. And it's like his thing where he's like, I steal the lock because then it's gonna cause Oh, you want him? And both kids are gonna get kicked out to military school instead, and I'll be the hero type thing. And instead they, you know, they chase him, then they stop him. Like, I don't, I don't think you need to have them just chasing to find the dog. It's just make Alec Baldwin the bad guy who steals it in the first place instead of the kid opening it on his own. Like, I think there could have been a lot more fun to, uh, to a plot with that, because otherwise Alec Baldwin's character is pointless.

Yeah.

Well, the one kid, the one kid makes a lot of trouble.

Uh-huh.

And I'm sure the mom could have thought of military school herself, uh, if she really wanted to. And you didn't need Alec Baldwin's character coming through and saying that. Like, it's like he's kind of pointless at the— for what they eventually needed with somebody like somebody stealing the lock to the like chaos box and, and them having to get it back from them. That I think might have worked for a better storyline. Instead, we got whatever just ridiculousness that we got.

I feel like the cat should just been the villain. Like, well, yeah, like, like, yeah, but like, you know, like he's like always like pushing things too far. That's what it should have been. I think.

What if the cat was the villain and then the Seuss estate was like, no, the cat cannot be the villain? Yeah. Like, okay, there's Larry, which is like the most generic name possible.

Yeah. Yeah. And Larry, and Larry comes across as a jerk, but he's still not even like super— just because he, because he picked up the dog, he doesn't know that they need the dog.

No, he just thinks the dog is a byproduct of their irresponsibility.

Yes. And he wants to use it to prove that they need to get the kids shipped off someplace. Yes. But like, I guess even outside of that, I mean, like, that's— he's a villain by default, I guess, because you're not really supposed to think of the cat as a villain. Even though it does, maybe they are selling signing their souls over to him when they sign the contract also. Yeah, I'm more and more liking this idea of his of the catted one, and it's it's a horror film. I I'm liking this idea a lot, and it makes the movie seem better to me if I think of it that way.

Yeah, I like that he's like a you know like a agent of chaos from almost like a Otherworldly dimensional being, like a fourth-dimensional imp. Yeah, Mr. Mixoplexic or whatever his name is.

Basically a baseball bat would be awesome.

Yeah, screen landing versus—

he does get hit with baseball bats though, which was awesome, which was hilarious. No, I don't know if it's hilarious, it was encouraging.

Especially when the, the bigger kid comes up, he's like, all right. My turn. I'll do this. And I think one of them said it's starting to— it's starting to bust. I'm like, what? What are they gonna do here?

I wanted to see the cat explode into cat guts all over the kids.

I would not be surprised if this movie went into that direction at one point.

It would. So my favorite— my— I think the funniest joke in the movie for me is when the cat gets the dog back from Larry, and he's like this hippie trying to get his, like, uh, petition signed, right?

Mm-hmm.

And it's like, all you have to do is sign it with this giant, comically oversized pen that requires 2 hands. I thought that was very clever. But then when, when they went like, here, hold my dog, it's like, I don't like to use the D-word. Blah, blah, blah. Right. That reminded me that if this movie was made now, it's like the dog identifies as a whatever, right? Like it would be something like some sort of mocking of like tolerant tolerance, right?

Yeah.

To make a joke. And that's what it— like, that's why it was, it was so aggressive and it was so just like, I'm going to be as close to like offensive as I can without being literally offensive, but it is offensive to anyone with sense or taste.

Mm-hmm. Uh, yeah, we all found it offensive. I, you know what, on my end, I thought that it, it was not great, but I was laughing a lot during this movie.

I'm glad you did.

I thought there's a lot of parts, like I said, and I, I like that the, the insanity of it. Like, it's like, it's— this shouldn't be in a kids movie. Like, what is this movie doing? Like, the, the mission statement, you think you know what it is, and then you watch them, you're like, what are they doing? This is Stupid. This is weird. This doesn't make any sense. But I don't know, I like that about it, where it's like he's making all these weird comments, he's chopping his tail off, he's threatening to murder people half the time. Yes, I like that about the Cat Hat. He's like— I feel like there's something like, like there's something weird about it that I just think is funny, that just the dissonance between what it should be and what it is.

I tell you right now, Terry, if you— the end of this year, if you try to throw this onto the Fumbler's Fumble Yeah, I will be— I will veto it to death.

Okay, good to know. Good to know.

What did you think of the cat's voice?

It reminded me of like the Cowardly Lion a little bit.

I mean, it's just Mike Myers and then he just changes it up every now and then a little bit for—

Yeah, but it reminded me of that like If you, if you go back to Mike Myers' Saturday Night Live days, remember he had that, like, that Coffee Talk show where he played like this Jewish mom? Let's, let's talk. Let's have coffee. Let's talk. It had that I'm from New York side, sort of like, yeah. Yeah. I hated it. I'm sorry. I hated it. I really did.

I, yeah, this is, I, this is the worst thing we've watched.

It was very for Terry, it's close, man.

It is not.

His voice is very forced. I, I kind of enjoyed the fake infomercial.

Yes, I like that.

Because he played the British guy and the guy that asked too many questions, which I thought was all right, but then it got aggressive. It's like, I will kill you.

He chops his tail off.

Yeah, if you ask him a question, I will kill you.

It's like, all right.

Yeah, that's a lot.

Plus, I mean, I, I like, obviously again, this is another one of those movies that it's made for kids, but it's gotta have enough stuff that adults will think is funny so that when they take the kids, they won't be like completely bored outta their mind. And that infomercial scene is, I'm, if it's entertaining at all, it's because we're adults and we get and understand that. And I don't know if a kid would actually be like, oh, look, infomercial.

Kid's not gonna get an infomercial. No, the, the, the, the—

they'll think it's funny that, that the cat's doing like extra characters, just like when he does the big musical thing and it's like jumping through a whole bunch of different stuff. He's the, uh, dressed up like the lady for a bit and all, like doing all the different things.

Oh yeah, almost forgot about that at the end.

I mean, it's like, this is like, you know, to some extent this is Michael Myers's version of The Nutty Professor. Where he plays like a bunch, but it's the Cat in the Hat playing a bunch of different characters.

Yeah, I— whatever the character, the artistic direction in this movie is very difficult for me because it's very uncanny valley at all times.

Yes.

So the cat, I, I can't— it, it's a man in a suit But then the, the facial makeup is borderline disturbing.

It's disturbing. Yeah. And so it's gonna cover those DVDs.

Yeah. And then you get Thing 1 and Thing 2. They're worse. They are worse, worse than the cat. You're right. But then when they speak, it's— let's go back to The Rocketeer when the, the big giant man moves his mouth. It's like a Muppet moving. and then a different voice happens. That's kind of what happens with them. And there's like this weird— like, things just don't line up in my brain. It's like they're moving their mouths, but the words don't match the movement. And then you get the different— it's like it's, it's dubbed. It's clearly dubbed with a different voice, but it's— it's— there's just too much. I can't handle it. It's— it's—

It is overload. It's overload for sure. I think the I can only handle too so many of these strange, yeah, uncanny valley creatures.

Yes.

Cat in the Hat is enough. Um, The Thing 1 and Thing 2 are gross and they— I don't like looking at them.

Yeah. Did we do it, boys?

Yeah, I think so. I think we, I think we've done enough.

Did we get through The Cat in the Hat from 2003?

Yeah, hopefully. And hopefully we got through nice and clean. It's not gonna be like any weird Cat in the Hat residuals chasing us around for—

I don't know, I'm gonna have nightmares, I think. What'd you guys think of The Cat in the Hat 2003?

I really— I could just— I have 10 minutes in, I was like, this is terrible, absolutely horrible. And it did not get any better from there. I would rather watch Lone Wolf McQuade again.

I would not want to watch Lone Wolf McQuade again, but I will never watch this Terry, like, I appreciate that this is a movie that you enjoyed as a kid, and I could see where a kid would enjoy it, and like, that's fine. Like, but for me, as a grown man, I just, I could not handle it. And it's one of those movies like where you know what they want you to think is fun. Oh, we gotta talk about this. The music in this movie.

Oh, it's annoying.

is, is aggressive and too much. And it's almost like, can we put a laugh track in this movie? No. Okay, well, let's have music that makes you— that tries to cue you when to laugh at the jokes. And it does that. The whole movie is scored that way. There's no moment in this movie where there isn't some sort of audible disturbance or visual disturbance. It's constant. This was a tough one for me. Very tough.

Yeah, I agree. The music is too much. It's overplayed for sure. Um, it's constant too. It never stops. Um, it's not perfect for sure. Uh, I think that the movie is aggressive. I agree with a lot of what you guys are saying. It's aggressive. I like that about it though. I like that this is like so in your face, so over the top, so insane. Like it shouldn't exist. This doesn't make any sense. Like, why did they do this? Like, why not make a normal children's movie? Why does it have to be like this? But they did it.

And why did— like, I don't know, maybe they never wanted to see another Cat in the Hat thing again. They were like, let's do this because then the state will never let us do another one. Maybe it was a— maybe this was planned.

Everybody trying to sink the— sink it.

Yeah, yeah, sink the Seussiverse.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, but honestly It held up better than I expected. I laughed a lot. Um, I remembered a lot of the jokes as they were coming. Um, it's unhinged. I get it. But you know what? I don't think it's as bad as everybody says it is.

I like unhinged and I like, but this is just, this one was really, really tough. I'll just leave it at that. Yeah. Well, we know what we thought. What did the internet have to say?

You can't find a 10-star review.

There's several, and I'm going to read this one because it's caught my eye and it's interesting. On August 15th, 2019, Recknose64 had this to say. Super hydraulic instantaneous transporter.

Oh.

This movie is super. S is, is got little asterisks around it. Hydraulic. H has got little asterisks around it. Instantaneous. I has got little asterisks around it.

Transporter. T has got little asterisks around it.

Everything is wrong with this movie, which is why it is unironically enjoyed by many, including me to some extent. That's why I didn't give it 1 star. I actually found it so hilariously bad that I enjoyed many of the repulsive scenes, such as, I'll get you and I'll make it look like a bloody accident, and S-L-O-W followed by my favorite super hydraulic instantaneous transporter. I will never not laugh at these 2 jokes. Wow. Dot dot dot dot dot dot. XD. Three found it helpful. Five not so much. Ten out of ten.

So the guy said because it's so utterly bad, it's so good at being utterly bad.

It's a ten. Yes. I get it. I get it. Makes sense. Yeah.

No, I I this is I had trouble when we watched. the, the Tubi movies last year because I— going into a movie where I already know that it's gonna not be a good enjoyable watch is, is hard for me to do. And, you know, I, I do it for the show, but like going into it, I really just— I'm not one of those people who can be like, oh, it's a 10 because it's so great at being bad. I can't—

well, that's what they thought.

So yeah, I— it's just that's not I don't understand those type of people.

But not to be outdone, on November 5th, 2005, Bop Dog had this to say. A dim and sad mess. Truly bad artistic aiming here. This terrible mess of a movie is an insult to cats, Dr. Seuss, and probably hats too.

Sure. Okay.

Issues of authenticity regarding the original books are moot points.

Yeah, that's true.

I agree with that.

This thing is so dim, so nasty, so dark, and so creepy that anyone who ever loved any of the Seuss books should just cringe and back out of the room and hope that none of the cast of this horror follows. What exactly did Myers think he was doing here in terms of vocal quality? His cat voice is as if Myers is impersonating Charles Nelson Reilly, and no offense intended to Mr. Reilly either, because he is a charming and talented actor-comedian. Myers just sounds like him, kind of New Yorky, kind of ready for a party. While that works for the talented Charles Nelson Reilly, who works with integrity and honor—

Okay, come on.

I love that about Charles. Charles Nosferatu is awesome. It doesn't seem to be appropriate as a model for Myers to rip off for his Cat in the Hat characterization. That is undoubtedly not what the Dr. Seuss book was meant to be.

No, it wasn't. No.

One found it helpful. 6, not so much.

We should close it out. That's the thing. It's definitely not what the doctor ordered.

Oh, he didn't write that though.

That's, that, that's what he should have wrote.

Well, if Bop Dogg could go back in time, he might change it, but maybe he can edit it.

Yeah. IMDb.

Bop Dogg, if you're hearing this, change that. You heard it. Well, we did it, boyos. We got all the way through the first 3 weeks of the first month of DTF Y2. That's crazy. It is crazy. We're cooking. January's almost over. We're like looking at February. When this episode comes out, it might be February. I don't remember. I don't know. 18, 25, 30 would be very close. Very, very close.

It's on the brink.

What we need to do now is for the month of Feb— oh God, we gotta kick it off with our first wheel of the year.

Yes, yes.

And so we each put a title on the wheel that's been mentioned over this last month, a lot from today. Keith, what was your addition to the wheel?

I am going to pick, uh, Glengarry Glen Ross. It came up during, uh, Rocketeer, but also, uh, we had, uh, Baldwin. Yeah, he's in this one, so I thought that was kind of fitting.

Double Glengarry Glen Ross connection. Terry, what about you?

I'm going with Man on Fire. I mentioned it this week in my deep dive. Um, I've heard it's good and I want to watch it, so there we go.

And I'm gonna go with War of the Worlds, the, the new— not the new new one that is with Ice Cube that's supposed to be terrible, but it is the one, the one with Tom Cruise and done by Steven Spielberg. Uh, that's a remake of a movie that I loved as a child. I guess I could have really brought that up for this one, which is, which was a movie iteration of a radio broadcast that terrified a nation.

Yes. Based off a book.

Based off a book. Oh boy. So I put these on the wheel. We have the veto option, which was what Keith brought up last year during the vetoing that happened in our Fumble the Tumble into the Grave. Right. And we suggested the wheel vetoing. So what happens now is we each get a veto per cycle, per 3-month, per quarter. We each get a veto per quarter to keep it business-wise. Yeah. Put a pin in that idea and think out of the box when it comes to vetoing. We can veto a wheel spin, which effectively makes it a spin again.

Yes.

Yes. Okay. Confirmation. We have Glenn, Uriel, and Ross. War of the Worlds, new Man of Fire, spin again. I doubled them up a couple times, so it's like a full robust wheel.

In any ways we could possibly make it so it doesn't just look like it picks Derek all the time. Yes, yes.

And here we go.

Well, well, well, why it got so close.

So here we go, it landed on War of the Worlds.

Wow, I'm okay with it though. I do want to watch.

I'm not gonna veto even though I feel like I almost should because I feel guilty that it landed on my pick. Keith, are you gonna veto?

Uh, no, no, I'll let it slide.

Terry, are you gonna veto?

No, I like, I like this pick. I'm gonna watch it again.

All right, so we're watching The Tom Cruise, Steven Spielberg, it is right on the line.

I can't believe it though. It really was. Can we have like a nudge power where we can just like nudge?

But then I'd veto your nudge. Oh, but then, then you could nudge again.

Yeah. I mean, I don't—

I'll be honest. If I didn't know, if it didn't pop up on the screen and tell you what it was, I really wouldn't be able to tell you. That's how close it is right now.

It is very, very close. I can't believe that it landed on War of the Worlds, but it landed on War of the Worlds.

Oh boy.

It's fine. I'm excited. I want to see it again. It's been a long time. This is another one that's from my childhood, so it's fitting.

It is. Terry gets 2 picks this month.

Yep, yep. I didn't even think about it till I was doing the deep dive this— I was like, you know what, I haven't seen that since I was a kid, but I remember thinking that was pretty cool. I was like, hmm, yeah, we'll find out. I thought of that, but maybe more appreciated when I pick now that they come in here with a bunch of curmudgeons.

Oh, I'll still be here.

I don't know if if foisting Cat in the Hat from 2003 onto us and us reacting honestly is being a curmudgeon.

Oh no, you're curmudgeons. Come on. Anyone who doesn't like Cat in the Hat from 2003 is a curmudgeon. I guess you guys have a little too much catitude this week.

Oh man, that must be me killing.

It should have.

It should have been catitude. It should have been the.

Yes. Or hattitude.

Oh God, there's so many.

Dang it, Terry.

Come on here.

The catitude and the hattitude.

This is the end of the episode, Terry. You can't keep firing off, you know, zingers like that.

We got through it. We got through The Cat in the Hat. We got through the whole month minus the wheel, which we're going into War of the Worlds for next week.

Yep.

Excellent choice of wheel, by the way, Derek.

I guess that leaves us with nothing to do but to end this the way we end everything.

Yes, yes, yes, I agree. Fire away. There you go, she's all ready, Captain. Thanks, Billy.

Oh, hey.

From Dr. Seuss.

This is a terrifying novel.

Derry's not like any town I've ever been in before. People die or disappear 6 times the national average, and that's just grown-ups.

Kids are worse.

Way, way worse.

That's amazing.

We all float down here.

I just saw something. There was this cat. Yeah, I saw him too. Look, it's all connected by the sewers. That's where it lives. What happened? Bill, if you'll come with me, you'll float too. You'll float too. You'll float too. You'll float too. You'll float too.

Oh yeah! That's great. Thanks for listening to Fumbling Through Film. New episodes drop every Thursday. Got feedback or questions? Email us at [email protected]. You can see our films, The Fumble Before You Tumble, Into the Grave, and other musings on Letterboxd at Fumble Through Film. The through is T-H-R-U. You can also follow Keith on Instagram at KG3030 Lives and on Letterboxd at KG3030. Terry is on Letterboxd at Terry2099. Derek is on Letterboxd at Derek the number 9 and then the word 9. All original music is done by the Dr. Dre of Kansas, Terry, so hit him up for them bangers. Our new podcast logo is done by the delightful and talented That's Sanjay Vicky Nayak. You can find her on Instagram @einkstein. That's Einstein with a K in there. We'll see you next week as we keep on fumbling.